Divorce during first year of college

[Anonymous]

Did any of you go through divorce when one of your kids just went to college? And how did it go for them?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend's parents did when he was a freshman. It really frucked him up - he felt like his entire childhood had been a lie, and he distrusted both his parents, etc.

[Anonymous]

I am also the friend of a person whose parents divorced while we were freshman and it was definitely destabilizing, but otoh there’s no age when it wouldn’t be.

[Anonymous]

Omg give me a break op your kid knows your marriage isn’t good

Get a divorce

[Anonymous]

I was 16 when my parents divorced. I did not think my childhood had been a lie, it simply was a childhood in a marriage that was happy and got less happy.

There's no good age for this, but I would try to avoid doing it in the first 6-8 weeks. Really think through holiday plans and what would be best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg give me a break op your kid knows your marriage isn’t good

Get a divorce

Seriously. Think about what you’re modeling. Stay in a fake, garbage marriage where everyone knows you/your spouse is unhappy, but pretend not to be?

Such integrity.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure it's hard, but the kid should be really thankful not to go through 50/50 custody BS. While they may feel untethered, at least they will have a choice of which parent to stay with, completely on their terms, instead of the misery of going back and forth while juggling HS life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it's hard, but the kid should be really thankful not to go through 50/50 custody BS. While they may feel untethered, at least they will have a choice of which parent to stay with, completely on their terms, instead of the misery of going back and forth while juggling HS life.

Not all divorced parents do 50/50 custody. Some parents aren't interested in that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sure it's hard, but the kid should be really thankful not to go through 50/50 custody BS. While they may feel untethered, at least they will have a choice of which parent to stay with, completely on their terms, instead of the misery of going back and forth while juggling HS life.

I don’t think custody matters in HS-they can still chose

[Anonymous]

What’s the plan for the holiday break, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg give me a break op your kid knows your marriage isn’t good

Get a divorce

+1
Gigs up OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg give me a break op your kid knows your marriage isn’t good

Get a divorce

Seriously. Think about what you’re modeling. Stay in a fake, garbage marriage where everyone knows you/your spouse is unhappy, but pretend not to be?

Such integrity.

NP. Whoa, this take is needlessly judgmental. We have no idea why the OP is considering divorce during the child's first year of college. Maybe the timing of the marriage imploding happened to coincide with the child graduating from high school or other logistical factors made this timing make sense.

Posts like this that assume that people must divorce immediately and anything less than that means it's a "fake garbage marriage" reek of privilege, IMHO. For many, many people, it makes sense to spend some time getting ducks in a row absent really dire circumstances like abuse.

[Anonymous]

PP. To answer OP's actual question, my parents' divorced soon after I headed off to college. It sucked, of course, but I was super grateful I didn't have to deal with split custody or watching my parents post divorce dating lives in high school, like my younger sister who was still at home.

[Anonymous]

Adding to the chorus of friends of people this happened to. It REALLY messed up my friend. She was totally shocked, felt her childhood was a lie (since it was obvious once it happened that they’d been “staying together for the kids”), and she also felt really guilty (since clearly her parents had been unhappy and tolerating it for her). Plus, the first year of college is a time of HUGE change, and she would come home for breaks and the home and family she’d known were basically just gone. It was so destabilizing, but because you’re an “adult” you kinda just need to deal.

My parents divorced when I was 4 and my brother was 8, did the 50/50 custody thing, and had a DRAMATICALLY easier time than my friend. I would strongly recommend against this. If you’re really going to wait until the kids are gone, wait until 2nd or 3rd year of college.

[Anonymous]

My parents did this - one moved out by October of my freshman year. It was not a shock because their marriage had been terrible for as long as I could remember. My relationship suffered with the parent who moved out because none of us were used to balancing holidays/breaks etc. But this was pre-FaceTime, texting so perhaps that would have made it easier. If the writing is on the wall, I’d suggest separating before college or a year or 2 after your child is in school.