Do you rein in the spender in your family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if the spender is also the main breadwinner in the family? Do you give them a budget of how much they can spend each month on extraneous items?

Our salary difference is extreme - DH makes $650,000 and I make $150,000. But DH is the spender of the two of us and I do our budget. I feel bad when I tell him to spend less because I know he works a lot and deserves to reap the benefits of his hard work. But I also have a budget and financial goals for us that we need to meet each year so think it’s silly to spend money on things like a new grill, workout equipment, sports events, etc.

You can't possibly be for real. Workout equipment? Sports events? 800K household income?

They are absolutely for real if they live in the DMV area. It's also about how you look at money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if the spender is also the main breadwinner in the family? Do you give them a budget of how much they can spend each month on extraneous items?

Our salary difference is extreme - DH makes $650,000 and I make $150,000. But DH is the spender of the two of us and I do our budget. I feel bad when I tell him to spend less because I know he works a lot and deserves to reap the benefits of his hard work. But I also have a budget and financial goals for us that we need to meet each year so think it’s silly to spend money on things like a new grill, workout equipment, sports events, etc.

those things all seem VERY reasonable for your HHI. I know someone who took a 3 week vacation to greece and spent 250k. Now that’s insane.

We don’t rein each other in. We hVe direct deposit to our brokerage, 401k, and random big purchase savings account (cars, big home projects, etc). we blow the rest anyway we see fit and did indeed just buy a 5k Napoleon grill. For perspective our direct deposit that we never see totals 50% of our take home income so we are perfectly comfortable blowing the rest with abandon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your balance sheet look like? Based on your current spending, how much are you saving per year?

yea i don’t even understand why high earners use budgeting apps. We simply save/invest a set percentage from our income and as long as it is (for us) 200k/yr i really sign give s single sh!t what we spend the remainder on. We keep all debts and investments/cash on a balance sheet and watch our net worth grow. I really don’t care what i spend at the grocery store or at Sephora.

[Anonymous]

Op you should focus on getting a better job that pays more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, we have a mid-seven figures HHI, all brought in by my DH and I am constantly giving him a hard time about watching our budget.

The thing is, DH and I sit down together at the beginning of the year and set savings goals for ourselves. We also set a general budget. It’s generous (we spend about $30k per month including our mortgage, not including income taxes or private school tuition) and then I expect us to stick to it.

We can afford to spend more than our budget, but what’s the point in making a budget if we aren’t going to follow it? I don’t mind if we overspend by $1-2K during a month, but there is no reason we should regularly be overspending that much each month.

Well it depends your overall NW and how much is funneled to savings/investments monthly. Because having a $30K monthly budget and only a NW of $3-4M, $3 K going to saving/investing and then going $1-2K over budget (thus reducing the investing) is very different than having a NW of $10-15M+ and having $5-10K savings monthly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make about the same— I make a little more, HHI is $500.

I am the budgeter, and have shown husband how we are on track to pay off our 30 year mortgage 15 years early if we keep our spending in check. That’s a very tangible goal.

We also sometimes talk about shorter term goals, spending splurges or vacation funds.

I do not police him, but I do the grocery shopping and meal planning even though he is the cook because he isn’t good at shopping on a budget. He has seen how much quicker our mortgage balance drops when we aren’t eating out as much, and that was the biggest budget lifestyle change for us.

Otherwise, if there’s a large purchase (car), I set the general guidelines and we make a decision together. For medium things (new tech, anything >$1000) we discuss together.

Why are you in such a rush to pay off your mortgage? What is the interest rate? That is often a foolish decision to take.

6%, which feels painful after our condo was 3%. I hate paying interest, it’s a tremendous savings to knock it off sooner and as someone who didn’t grow up with wealth, I think I’m more debt/risk averse than others.

We max our retirement account contributions and have solid emergency savings + kids tuitions taken care of first. The thought of not having that bill every month by the time our kids are in HS is hugely motivating to us.

DH gains access to a substantial trust at 55, and there are separate trusts for the kids. I’d rather take care of ourselves and use that $$$ for the kids or emergencies, but knowing it’s there does make me favor paying off debts more.

This all makes sense now. There's a significant power imbalance stemming from his family's wealth. He isn't worried because he and the kids are financially secure through his family's money—but OP is not (spouses never are). Hence, he's a spender and she's a saver.

If I were OP, I would save 100% of my salary and tell my husband that, since he earns $650k and has a large trust fund in his future, he should cover all family expenses, including the house and kids' expenses. He can spend whatever remains after that. This isn't simply a matter of figuring out a family budget. Everyone in this family, except OP, is financially set for life.

This 1000%! The huge trust is a major factor. He isn't a saver because he knows he simply doesn't need to. As long as he's not in debt, the money is there for his future and the kid's future (college and beyond most likely it sounds like). So yes, as the lower earner OP, I'd be putting 100% into savings for yourself.
Of course OP is a saver, she needs to do that to protect herself. At any point, her husband could up and leave and she would not get much, especially if he's not a saver and has nothing except the trust (which she cannot touch)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your balance sheet look like? Based on your current spending, how much are you saving per year?

yea i don’t even understand why high earners use budgeting apps. We simply save/invest a set percentage from our income and as long as it is (for us) 200k/yr i really sign give s single sh!t what we spend the remainder on. We keep all debts and investments/cash on a balance sheet and watch our net worth grow. I really don’t care what i spend at the grocery store or at Sephora.

We are “high earners” but not wealthy, low savings since we are recent high earners. No inheritance. We must fund all of retirement, college and so forth. I am in a high tax state so the salary is much less in reality. So yes I budget carefully in order to save more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make about the same— I make a little more, HHI is $500.

I am the budgeter, and have shown husband how we are on track to pay off our 30 year mortgage 15 years early if we keep our spending in check. That’s a very tangible goal.

We also sometimes talk about shorter term goals, spending splurges or vacation funds.

I do not police him, but I do the grocery shopping and meal planning even though he is the cook because he isn’t good at shopping on a budget. He has seen how much quicker our mortgage balance drops when we aren’t eating out as much, and that was the biggest budget lifestyle change for us.

Otherwise, if there’s a large purchase (car), I set the general guidelines and we make a decision together. For medium things (new tech, anything >$1000) we discuss together.

Why are you in such a rush to pay off your mortgage? What is the interest rate? That is often a foolish decision to take.

6%, which feels painful after our condo was 3%. I hate paying interest, it’s a tremendous savings to knock it off sooner and as someone who didn’t grow up with wealth, I think I’m more debt/risk averse than others.

We max our retirement account contributions and have solid emergency savings + kids tuitions taken care of first. The thought of not having that bill every month by the time our kids are in HS is hugely motivating to us.

DH gains access to a substantial trust at 55, and there are separate trusts for the kids. I’d rather take care of ourselves and use that $$$ for the kids or emergencies, but knowing it’s there does make me favor paying off debts more.

This all makes sense now. There's a significant power imbalance stemming from his family's wealth. He isn't worried because he and the kids are financially secure through his family's money—but OP is not (spouses never are). Hence, he's a spender and she's a saver.

If I were OP, I would save 100% of my salary and tell my husband that, since he earns $650k and has a large trust fund in his future, he should cover all family expenses, including the house and kids' expenses. He can spend whatever remains after that. This isn't simply a matter of figuring out a family budget. Everyone in this family, except OP, is financially set for life.

This 1000%! The huge trust is a major factor. He isn't a saver because he knows he simply doesn't need to. As long as he's not in debt, the money is there for his future and the kid's future (college and beyond most likely it sounds like). So yes, as the lower earner OP, I'd be putting 100% into savings for yourself.
Of course OP is a saver, she needs to do that to protect herself. At any point, her husband could up and leave and she would not get much, especially if he's not a saver and has nothing except the trust (which she cannot touch)

This is OP and I think you are confusing me with another poster. My DH does not have a trust. I am actually the one who stands to inherit a couple million from my side of the family ($5-6 million give or take).

[Anonymous]

I've fought with my spender husband about this for our whole marriage. The only thing that's worked is to give him a spending limit. What I discovered early on is that even though we make similar amounts, the stark difference is that I have financial goals and he doesn't. He thinks, gee, I make so much more than my parents ever did, how can it not work out? But my in laws are not spenders at all. It's not easy. My only suggestion is to agree on the basics and let the rest go, just like with how clean is clean enough in the house. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make about the same— I make a little more, HHI is $500.

I am the budgeter, and have shown husband how we are on track to pay off our 30 year mortgage 15 years early if we keep our spending in check. That’s a very tangible goal.

We also sometimes talk about shorter term goals, spending splurges or vacation funds.

I do not police him, but I do the grocery shopping and meal planning even though he is the cook because he isn’t good at shopping on a budget. He has seen how much quicker our mortgage balance drops when we aren’t eating out as much, and that was the biggest budget lifestyle change for us.

Otherwise, if there’s a large purchase (car), I set the general guidelines and we make a decision together. For medium things (new tech, anything >$1000) we discuss together.

Why are you in such a rush to pay off your mortgage? What is the interest rate? That is often a foolish decision to take.

6%, which feels painful after our condo was 3%. I hate paying interest, it’s a tremendous savings to knock it off sooner and as someone who didn’t grow up with wealth, I think I’m more debt/risk averse than others.

We max our retirement account contributions and have solid emergency savings + kids tuitions taken care of first. The thought of not having that bill every month by the time our kids are in HS is hugely motivating to us.

DH gains access to a substantial trust at 55, and there are separate trusts for the kids. I’d rather take care of ourselves and use that $$$ for the kids or emergencies, but knowing it’s there does make me favor paying off debts more.

This all makes sense now. There's a significant power imbalance stemming from his family's wealth. He isn't worried because he and the kids are financially secure through his family's money—but OP is not (spouses never are). Hence, he's a spender and she's a saver.

If I were OP, I would save 100% of my salary and tell my husband that, since he earns $650k and has a large trust fund in his future, he should cover all family expenses, including the house and kids' expenses. He can spend whatever remains after that. This isn't simply a matter of figuring out a family budget. Everyone in this family, except OP, is financially set for life.

This 1000%! The huge trust is a major factor. He isn't a saver because he knows he simply doesn't need to. As long as he's not in debt, the money is there for his future and the kid's future (college and beyond most likely it sounds like). So yes, as the lower earner OP, I'd be putting 100% into savings for yourself.
Of course OP is a saver, she needs to do that to protect herself. At any point, her husband could up and leave and she would not get much, especially if he's not a saver and has nothing except the trust (which she cannot touch)

This is OP and I think you are confusing me with another poster. My DH does not have a trust. I am actually the one who stands to inherit a couple million from my side of the family ($5-6 million give or take).

Well then, save as much as you can directly from your paycheck, deposit the remainder into the joint checking account, and confirm your parents put your inheritance into a divorce-proof trust. I'm in the same position, and even though my spouse makes more, I control most of our family's networth, plus it will shift even more when the trust kicks in. My spouse doesn't care, and I can't make them care. They make enough to fund their current lifestyle. It just means they won't be able to afford the same luxuries in retirement (memberships, etc), and they don't have as much control over "our" estate because I have the bigger retirement account, I own the 529 accounts, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your balance sheet look like? Based on your current spending, how much are you saving per year?

yea i don’t even understand why high earners use budgeting apps. We simply save/invest a set percentage from our income and as long as it is (for us) 200k/yr i really sign give s single sh!t what we spend the remainder on. We keep all debts and investments/cash on a balance sheet and watch our net worth grow. I really don’t care what i spend at the grocery store or at Sephora.

We are “high earners” but not wealthy, low savings since we are recent high earners. No inheritance. We must fund all of retirement, college and so forth. I am in a high tax state so the salary is much less in reality. So yes I budget carefully in order to save more.

But once you are well on track for retirement and college for your kids, you will see that you become less focused on budget. You don't worry if you want to buy a new TV or take a nice vacation, etc. I don't care if I spend an extra $3-5K one month

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make about the same— I make a little more, HHI is $500.

I am the budgeter, and have shown husband how we are on track to pay off our 30 year mortgage 15 years early if we keep our spending in check. That’s a very tangible goal.

We also sometimes talk about shorter term goals, spending splurges or vacation funds.

I do not police him, but I do the grocery shopping and meal planning even though he is the cook because he isn’t good at shopping on a budget. He has seen how much quicker our mortgage balance drops when we aren’t eating out as much, and that was the biggest budget lifestyle change for us.

Otherwise, if there’s a large purchase (car), I set the general guidelines and we make a decision together. For medium things (new tech, anything >$1000) we discuss together.

Why are you in such a rush to pay off your mortgage? What is the interest rate? That is often a foolish decision to take.

6%, which feels painful after our condo was 3%. I hate paying interest, it’s a tremendous savings to knock it off sooner and as someone who didn’t grow up with wealth, I think I’m more debt/risk averse than others.

We max our retirement account contributions and have solid emergency savings + kids tuitions taken care of first. The thought of not having that bill every month by the time our kids are in HS is hugely motivating to us.

DH gains access to a substantial trust at 55, and there are separate trusts for the kids. I’d rather take care of ourselves and use that $$$ for the kids or emergencies, but knowing it’s there does make me favor paying off debts more.

This all makes sense now. There's a significant power imbalance stemming from his family's wealth. He isn't worried because he and the kids are financially secure through his family's money—but OP is not (spouses never are). Hence, he's a spender and she's a saver.

If I were OP, I would save 100% of my salary and tell my husband that, since he earns $650k and has a large trust fund in his future, he should cover all family expenses, including the house and kids' expenses. He can spend whatever remains after that. This isn't simply a matter of figuring out a family budget. Everyone in this family, except OP, is financially set for life.

This 1000%! The huge trust is a major factor. He isn't a saver because he knows he simply doesn't need to. As long as he's not in debt, the money is there for his future and the kid's future (college and beyond most likely it sounds like). So yes, as the lower earner OP, I'd be putting 100% into savings for yourself.
Of course OP is a saver, she needs to do that to protect herself. At any point, her husband could up and leave and she would not get much, especially if he's not a saver and has nothing except the trust (which she cannot touch)

This is OP and I think you are confusing me with another poster. My DH does not have a trust. I am actually the one who stands to inherit a couple million from my side of the family ($5-6 million give or take).

Then work on your parsimonious addiction and let him have the grill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We make about the same— I make a little more, HHI is $500.

I am the budgeter, and have shown husband how we are on track to pay off our 30 year mortgage 15 years early if we keep our spending in check. That’s a very tangible goal.

We also sometimes talk about shorter term goals, spending splurges or vacation funds.

I do not police him, but I do the grocery shopping and meal planning even though he is the cook because he isn’t good at shopping on a budget. He has seen how much quicker our mortgage balance drops when we aren’t eating out as much, and that was the biggest budget lifestyle change for us.

Otherwise, if there’s a large purchase (car), I set the general guidelines and we make a decision together. For medium things (new tech, anything >$1000) we discuss together.

Why are you in such a rush to pay off your mortgage? What is the interest rate? That is often a foolish decision to take.

6%, which feels painful after our condo was 3%. I hate paying interest, it’s a tremendous savings to knock it off sooner and as someone who didn’t grow up with wealth, I think I’m more debt/risk averse than others.

We max our retirement account contributions and have solid emergency savings + kids tuitions taken care of first. The thought of not having that bill every month by the time our kids are in HS is hugely motivating to us.

DH gains access to a substantial trust at 55, and there are separate trusts for the kids. I’d rather take care of ourselves and use that $$$ for the kids or emergencies, but knowing it’s there does make me favor paying off debts more.

This all makes sense now. There's a significant power imbalance stemming from his family's wealth. He isn't worried because he and the kids are financially secure through his family's money—but OP is not (spouses never are). Hence, he's a spender and she's a saver.

If I were OP, I would save 100% of my salary and tell my husband that, since he earns $650k and has a large trust fund in his future, he should cover all family expenses, including the house and kids' expenses. He can spend whatever remains after that. This isn't simply a matter of figuring out a family budget. Everyone in this family, except OP, is financially set for life.

This 1000%! The huge trust is a major factor. He isn't a saver because he knows he simply doesn't need to. As long as he's not in debt, the money is there for his future and the kid's future (college and beyond most likely it sounds like). So yes, as the lower earner OP, I'd be putting 100% into savings for yourself.
Of course OP is a saver, she needs to do that to protect herself. At any point, her husband could up and leave and she would not get much, especially if he's not a saver and has nothing except the trust (which she cannot touch)

This is OP and I think you are confusing me with another poster. My DH does not have a trust. I am actually the one who stands to inherit a couple million from my side of the family ($5-6 million give or take).

Then work on your parsimonious addiction and let him have the grill.

Op five or six million is a lot more than a couple. Why are the rich always so dumb? Sigh.