Do you rein in the spender in your family?
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Anonymous
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What if the spender is also the main breadwinner in the family? Do you give them a budget of how much they can spend each month on extraneous items?
Our salary difference is extreme - DH makes $650,000 and I make $150,000. But DH is the spender of the two of us and I do our budget. I feel bad when I tell him to spend less because I know he works a lot and deserves to reap the benefits of his hard work. But I also have a budget and financial goals for us that we need to meet each year so think it’s silly to spend money on things like a new grill, workout equipment, sports events, etc. |
Anonymous
| My family thinks I’m a wet blanket because I keep trying to rein in our eating out budget while my spouse is always up to get a treat/coffee/dinner. |
Anonymous
| Ideally, you would discuss your budget and set priorities together with a guilt-free "allowance" for each. |
Anonymous
| If your DH makes $650,000 let him spend what he wants or he will find someone who will. You are obnoxious. |
Anonymous
| What is the spending? You have a huge HHI. |
Anonymous
| The things you are describing are nothing on that much income. |
Anonymous
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Op - we have had college debt to pay off plus kids in daycare for the past decade. So between daycare and student loans we have been paying close to $7000 a month on those items. Not to mention mortgage, car payments, saving for retirement, college, and so on.
Our HHI just reached this high this past year. We are doing catch up on all our savings and retirement and college saving for kids. I worry about spending on lots of extras even though I know we have a high HHI right now. |
Anonymous
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That's $800k HHI, and >400k after taxes...
I'd focus on your goals instead of individual expenses. What are you saving for? Education? Retirement? House or car? Agree on the goals and the time horizon with your partner and if you're not meeting the goals talk about that. Don't bring up individual expenses unless they're very large (like >250). At that much money a categorized budget is too abstract without agreed goals and targets, you're way beyond needing to care about eating out unless you're hitting up Michelin star places on the reg. Once you agree on goals then set up automatic investments out of the cash accounts. The cash is fair game, your goals all become automatic. |
Anonymous
You both are the problem. Stop blaming him when you agreed to the house, cars, etc. |
Anonymous
Unless you overextended vastly on your mortgage and cars his spending shouldn’t be an issue at your HHI, recent or not. |
Anonymous
| Yes! Of course. I’m a SAHM and I reign in my DH. Your job/salary is irrelevant to budgeting discipline. My DH actually appreciates it when I keep him on budget. There are distractions everywhere! |
Anonymous
Yep the higher the income, the higher the expenses. Little things add up fast. I recommend YNAB. It’s so great for creating line-item budgets; both couples can enter transactions and see how much is left in the allotted categories. |
Anonymous
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Op - I am an admitted spend thrift. DH has to insist I buy new clothes when mine are wearing out or I don’t have something appropriate for a given event (like no hiking shoes, running shoes are complete bare sole, etc.)
I just think little things add up to big things and we already have big things to pay for. So why spend more money on things we really don’t think (in my mind). |
Anonymous
This. Unbelievable. Let the guy buy a new grill. You are just cheap. |
Anonymous
Cheap cheap cheap. Be careful he might divorce you. Your kids are probably mortified that you are wearing clothes and shoes with holes. Do you drive an ancient, broken down car too. |