When to send save the date for destination wedding

[Anonymous]

It is probably more about the parents’ spouses and stepchildren causing delay.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why people have weddings. It's such drama and cost. What is the point? I also don't get clamoring to go at all. I'd be like awesome, I didn't get invited!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

You are th villain because none of this is any of your business. Just because someone asks you about you, it doesn’t mean that you have a license to dive right in. Stop being a drama seeking gossip hound! Gain some dignity, and focus on your own life.

Ok I should tell the verbally invited families to shove it and leave us alone and not to try to coordinate dates to travel together.

Yes you should simply say you haven’t figured out when you are going and change the subject. You don’t need to coordinate any travel plans with anyone.Just stop be pesky and in everyone’s business.

I’m actually not in their business at all. They are in our business.

Some people like to book travel in advance. They have to coordinate with other families for dates for other vacations for even simple beach vacations. Some want to book early to book cheap flights.

I will see these people over the holidays. Hey groom, are you inviting your parents to your wedding?????

Why is this your problem to solve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

You are th villain because none of this is any of your business. Just because someone asks you about you, it doesn’t mean that you have a license to dive right in. Stop being a drama seeking gossip hound! Gain some dignity, and focus on your own life.

Ok I should tell the verbally invited families to shove it and leave us alone and not to try to coordinate dates to travel together.

Yes you should simply say you haven’t figured out when you are going and change the subject. You don’t need to coordinate any travel plans with anyone.Just stop be pesky and in everyone’s business.

I’m actually not in their business at all. They are in our business.

Some people like to book travel in advance. They have to coordinate with other families for dates for other vacations for even simple beach vacations. Some want to book early to book cheap flights.

I will see these people over the holidays. Hey groom, are you inviting your parents to your wedding?????

You are in the bride and groom’s business. Just send your answer, deflect questions from others and talk with the groom about something else. This is not difficult. Unless you like drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

A destination wedding isn't where you invite all friends, family, and "family friends". It's a scaled back small affair of closest family and friends. You can't seem to accept that everyone isn't making the cut for this one.

I do understand. But you still have to invite your mom and dad and your one aunt, her husband and the few cousins you have. Everyone is divorced and has new wives and stepchildren and that is where it probably gets more complicated.

No you don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the couple is doing verbal invites and emailing to others. I could understand savings money by not mailing them to close family, but why not send everyone the email? It would make me assume I am not invited.

DH and I hang out with several families regularly and they are planning their summer vacations around this wedding and that is why they are asking us details of this wedding. If they are flying to this country, they want to make vacations out of it.

There are probably some family members and obligatory guests they don’t really want but by not sharing details makes it awkward for family.

I'm beginning to see why this couple is choosing a destination wedding and keeping the invited list small. You said "he" in another message so you are on the groom's side. It isn't normal to invite your parents' best friends to your destination wedding. And if there is bad blood with the groom's dad then I can see why this couple is doing it far far away to avoid all this mess. You seem offended that this couple wants a very small, intimate wedding. Who is paying for this wedding?

I’m not necessarily offended. Many people are mad at the couple. Some are annoyed. Some are confused.

The family is a mess with divorce, second marriages, stepchildren, lots of bad blood within extended family. Maybe they won’t get invited. It would be pretty bad if the dad and mom are not invited to their own child’s wedding.

Yes, but my default assumption would be that it spoke poorly of the mom and dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

Uggh this level of enmeshing sounds awful! Maybe they are trying to escape everyone being in their business. I’m guessing they really like your DH because you sound really bad.

Why am I the villain?

It isn’t my fault the family hasn’t been given any details.

I actually think the bride is trying to escape HER family more than the groom is trying to escape his.

You are th villain because none of this is any of your business. Just because someone asks you about you, it doesn’t mean that you have a license to dive right in. Stop being a drama seeking gossip hound! Gain some dignity, and focus on your own life.

Ok I should tell the verbally invited families to shove it and leave us alone and not to try to coordinate dates to travel together.

Correct. I wouldn’t have mentioned I had a save the date. Just simply say to people maybe they are still coming. Ask the bride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the couple is doing verbal invites and emailing to others. I could understand savings money by not mailing them to close family, but why not send everyone the email? It would make me assume I am not invited.

DH and I hang out with several families regularly and they are planning their summer vacations around this wedding and that is why they are asking us details of this wedding. If they are flying to this country, they want to make vacations out of it.

There are probably some family members and obligatory guests they don’t really want but by not sharing details makes it awkward for family.

I'm beginning to see why this couple is choosing a destination wedding and keeping the invited list small. You said "he" in another message so you are on the groom's side. It isn't normal to invite your parents' best friends to your destination wedding. And if there is bad blood with the groom's dad then I can see why this couple is doing it far far away to avoid all this mess. You seem offended that this couple wants a very small, intimate wedding. Who is paying for this wedding?

I’m not necessarily offended. Many people are mad at the couple. Some are annoyed. Some are confused.

The family is a mess with divorce, second marriages, stepchildren, lots of bad blood within extended family. Maybe they won’t get invited. It would be pretty bad if the dad and mom are not invited to their own child’s wedding.

Yes, but my default assumption would be that it spoke poorly of the mom and dad.

Yep, I'd be wondering what they did. Because it's not normal and the only people who do something like this have very good reason. Dad running off to start a new family sounds like a good reason to cut that dead beat off. But that's inconvenient to OP who wants to coordinate her travel plans with the other dead beats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people have weddings. It's such drama and cost. What is the point? I also don't get clamoring to go at all. I'd be like awesome, I didn't get invited!

I get weddings and I usually enjoy them but I DONT get destination weddings that are actually 4-5 day celebrations. You’re not royalty. And even royalty gets married at like, Westminster Abbey close to home. I also don’t get childless weddings when we are referring to family members children- like not having your niece and nephew there or not having your 12 year old cousin there. Weddings should be convenient for attendance , should include ALL family members of the family you are inviting unless it’s a friend from college, etc. And it should be a joyous celebration of the joining of two families. Bride outfit changes, 2 hours of professional photos between the ceremony and reception where guests have to stand around, having to stay at the Four Seasons on some island and blowing your vacation budget for the year- this stuff is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people have weddings. It's such drama and cost. What is the point? I also don't get clamoring to go at all. I'd be like awesome, I didn't get invited!

I get weddings and I usually enjoy them but I DONT get destination weddings that are actually 4-5 day celebrations. You’re not royalty. And even royalty gets married at like, Westminster Abbey close to home. I also don’t get childless weddings when we are referring to family members children- like not having your niece and nephew there or not having your 12 year old cousin there. Weddings should be convenient for attendance , should include ALL family members of the family you are inviting unless it’s a friend from college, etc. And it should be a joyous celebration of the joining of two families. Bride outfit changes, 2 hours of professional photos between the ceremony and reception where guests have to stand around, having to stay at the Four Seasons on some island and blowing your vacation budget for the year- this stuff is ridiculous.

I’m not into destination weddings but it’s healthier to view a wedding as two people coming together NOT two families coming together. Marriage should not be a group sport with more than two players on the field. If the bride and groom want to step away from all the drama and mess of their families, good for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people have weddings. It's such drama and cost. What is the point? I also don't get clamoring to go at all. I'd be like awesome, I didn't get invited!

Guessing you don't have to worry about getting invited to anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people have weddings. It's such drama and cost. What is the point? I also don't get clamoring to go at all. I'd be like awesome, I didn't get invited!

I get weddings and I usually enjoy them but I DONT get destination weddings that are actually 4-5 day celebrations. You’re not royalty. And even royalty gets married at like, Westminster Abbey close to home. I also don’t get childless weddings when we are referring to family members children- like not having your niece and nephew there or not having your 12 year old cousin there. Weddings should be convenient for attendance , should include ALL family members of the family you are inviting unless it’s a friend from college, etc. And it should be a joyous celebration of the joining of two families. Bride outfit changes, 2 hours of professional photos between the ceremony and reception where guests have to stand around, having to stay at the Four Seasons on some island and blowing your vacation budget for the year- this stuff is ridiculous.

I’m not into destination weddings but it’s healthier to view a wedding as two people coming together NOT two families coming together. Marriage should not be a group sport with more than two players on the field. If the bride and groom want to step away from all the drama and mess of their families, good for them!

Somewhat agree. It's not two families joining for most people I know. Most of us keep our families separate. Split holidays, visits, and other events. The only time the families are together is for some milestone usually for kids. They can get along or not, but they don't have to get along or even like each other or how little they see of each other.