When to send save the date for destination wedding

[Anonymous]

OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much notice do you think one should give to someone for a destination wedding in a different continent?

Our family member is getting married next year and not wanting to invite the entire family. Some people have received a save the date but most friends and family have not.

One year.

Tacky to send a formal save the date for some and not others. However, I think it's fine to just let them know directly and personally to save the date if you want them to be there - either in person, by phone, or email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.

Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why the couple is doing verbal invites and emailing to others. I could understand savings money by not mailing them to close family, but why not send everyone the email? It would make me assume I am not invited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

A destination wedding isn't where you invite all friends, family, and "family friends". It's a scaled back small affair of closest family and friends. You can't seem to accept that everyone isn't making the cut for this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the couple is doing verbal invites and emailing to others. I could understand savings money by not mailing them to close family, but why not send everyone the email? It would make me assume I am not invited.

DH and I hang out with several families regularly and they are planning their summer vacations around this wedding and that is why they are asking us details of this wedding. If they are flying to this country, they want to make vacations out of it.

There are probably some family members and obligatory guests they don’t really want but by not sharing details makes it awkward for family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

A destination wedding isn't where you invite all friends, family, and "family friends". It's a scaled back small affair of closest family and friends. You can't seem to accept that everyone isn't making the cut for this one.

I do understand. But you still have to invite your mom and dad and your one aunt, her husband and the few cousins you have. Everyone is divorced and has new wives and stepchildren and that is where it probably gets more complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the couple is doing verbal invites and emailing to others. I could understand savings money by not mailing them to close family, but why not send everyone the email? It would make me assume I am not invited.

DH and I hang out with several families regularly and they are planning their summer vacations around this wedding and that is why they are asking us details of this wedding. If they are flying to this country, they want to make vacations out of it.

There are probably some family members and obligatory guests they don’t really want but by not sharing details makes it awkward for family.

I'm beginning to see why this couple is choosing a destination wedding and keeping the invited list small. You said "he" in another message so you are on the groom's side. It isn't normal to invite your parents' best friends to your destination wedding. And if there is bad blood with the groom's dad then I can see why this couple is doing it far far away to avoid all this mess. You seem offended that this couple wants a very small, intimate wedding. Who is paying for this wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

A destination wedding isn't where you invite all friends, family, and "family friends". It's a scaled back small affair of closest family and friends. You can't seem to accept that everyone isn't making the cut for this one.

I do understand. But you still have to invite your mom and dad and your one aunt, her husband and the few cousins you have. Everyone is divorced and has new wives and stepchildren and that is where it probably gets more complicated.

My dh and I didn't invite any of our cousins to our small wedding. There is no "have to" in this. Are you the new wife of the excluded dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the couple is doing verbal invites and emailing to others. I could understand savings money by not mailing them to close family, but why not send everyone the email? It would make me assume I am not invited.

DH and I hang out with several families regularly and they are planning their summer vacations around this wedding and that is why they are asking us details of this wedding. If they are flying to this country, they want to make vacations out of it.

There are probably some family members and obligatory guests they don’t really want but by not sharing details makes it awkward for family.

I'm beginning to see why this couple is choosing a destination wedding and keeping the invited list small. You said "he" in another message so you are on the groom's side. It isn't normal to invite your parents' best friends to your destination wedding. And if there is bad blood with the groom's dad then I can see why this couple is doing it far far away to avoid all this mess. You seem offended that this couple wants a very small, intimate wedding. Who is paying for this wedding?

I’m not necessarily offended. Many people are mad at the couple. Some are annoyed. Some are confused.

The family is a mess with divorce, second marriages, stepchildren, lots of bad blood within extended family. Maybe they won’t get invited. It would be pretty bad if the dad and mom are not invited to their own child’s wedding.

[Anonymous]

I sent to my extended family - around a year in advance. Are you willing to accomodate everyone who says "yes" and shows up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why the couple is doing verbal invites and emailing to others. I could understand savings money by not mailing them to close family, but why not send everyone the email? It would make me assume I am not invited.

DH and I hang out with several families regularly and they are planning their summer vacations around this wedding and that is why they are asking us details of this wedding. If they are flying to this country, they want to make vacations out of it.

There are probably some family members and obligatory guests they don’t really want but by not sharing details makes it awkward for family.

I'm beginning to see why this couple is choosing a destination wedding and keeping the invited list small. You said "he" in another message so you are on the groom's side. It isn't normal to invite your parents' best friends to your destination wedding. And if there is bad blood with the groom's dad then I can see why this couple is doing it far far away to avoid all this mess. You seem offended that this couple wants a very small, intimate wedding. Who is paying for this wedding?

I’m not necessarily offended. Many people are mad at the couple. Some are annoyed. Some are confused.

The family is a mess with divorce, second marriages, stepchildren, lots of bad blood within extended family. Maybe they won’t get invited. It would be pretty bad if the dad and mom are not invited to their own child’s wedding.

Well, what did the dad do to not get invited? Why not back the story up a bit so we can decide if it's bad or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP what is your relationship with this couple? It sounds tangential as your DH is in the wedding party but you are not. How do you know the details of everyone who has and has not received a wedding invitation? How would you know whether the couples friends or work colleagues have been invited? How would you know anyone’s work colleagues or be able to distinguish whether they were just colleagues or friends? Why on earth would you care whether family members or tangential family friends are upset or not about not being invited to an event you are not hosting? Why would other people be asking you about it? Makes zero sense.

I just don’t understand your involvement, concern, or why you seem to have so much information on the guest list?

I live near and hang out with several people who are verbally invited as well and family with mother, father, uncle and cousins since they are also our family members. Then there are also people who are not verbally invited.

We went to a destination wedding last year. My friend verbally told me and my friends the exact date and location, both city and venue. It was not a save the date. We whipped out our phones and added the date to our calendars. Then we received an invitation almost a year in advance. We were not part of the bridal party, just regular guests.

This couple emailed a save the date to very few people and that does not include family members including the father.
Wedding is in June in a not easy to get to location that many people will need to fly to airport and drive several hours.

You are avoiding the questions! What is your relationship to the couple? How do you know their work colleagues and their relationships? Why are you so involved?

Because I’m trying to be anonymous!

We know work colleagues because we are both friends and work colleagues. Our family and friends are commingled, definitely mixed business with pleasure. Some people were family friends first and now professional colleagues and others we met professionally and now friends. Both bride and groom work in the same industries as DH and me so lots of overlap.

A destination wedding isn't where you invite all friends, family, and "family friends". It's a scaled back small affair of closest family and friends. You can't seem to accept that everyone isn't making the cut for this one.

I do understand. But you still have to invite your mom and dad and your one aunt, her husband and the few cousins you have. Everyone is divorced and has new wives and stepchildren and that is where it probably gets more complicated.

My dh and I didn't invite any of our cousins to our small wedding. There is no "have to" in this. Are you the new wife of the excluded dad?

I’m a non blood relative in this messy family. My kids are blood related.