elderly parents horrible behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that you were a jerk when you were a toddler/teen and they loved you anyway.

Really stupid comparison.
You were a kid, remember, and didn't know any better.
They are adults and should know better.

You're trying to justify the unjustifiable.

One of the wonderful things about being an adult is that I have so much more control over my circumstances and relationships. As a kid, I HAD to put up with my parents, my siblings, teachers, classmates, etc. no matter how they treated me, because I had very limited control over my circumstances, living arrangement, school, etc.

Now that I'm an adult, I don't have to tolerate being mistreated. Nobody gets to talk to me the way that my sister did growing up. I'm sure my parents have their opinions on a lot of things in my life, but MY opinions matter more than theirs now. When I was a kid, it was the opposite.

I love and respect my parents, and they love and respect me, even though we see the world very differently. But they don't get to treat me like shit and expect me to put up with it, just because they're my parents (and they never would!). Nobody gets to talk to me/treat me worse than you would a complete stranger and expect me to tolerate it, just because "we're family." And if you WOULD treat a stranger that badly, then you're an awful person and the natural consequence of that is that nobody wants to be around you.

You all were born to take revenge from your parents. Entertaining drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that you were a jerk when you were a toddler/teen and they loved you anyway.

Really stupid comparison.
You were a kid, remember, and didn't know any better.
They are adults and should know better.

You're trying to justify the unjustifiable.

One of the wonderful things about being an adult is that I have so much more control over my circumstances and relationships. As a kid, I HAD to put up with my parents, my siblings, teachers, classmates, etc. no matter how they treated me, because I had very limited control over my circumstances, living arrangement, school, etc.

Now that I'm an adult, I don't have to tolerate being mistreated. Nobody gets to talk to me the way that my sister did growing up. I'm sure my parents have their opinions on a lot of things in my life, but MY opinions matter more than theirs now. When I was a kid, it was the opposite.

I love and respect my parents, and they love and respect me, even though we see the world very differently. But they don't get to treat me like shit and expect me to put up with it, just because they're my parents (and they never would!). Nobody gets to talk to me/treat me worse than you would a complete stranger and expect me to tolerate it, just because "we're family." And if you WOULD treat a stranger that badly, then you're an awful person and the natural consequence of that is that nobody wants to be around you.

You all were born to take revenge from your parents. Entertaining drama.

No need to take "revenge." Just don't engage at all. Let them deal with themselves. Problems with the elderly work themselves out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

for more than a few hours

Well, no one is at their best after a few hours. You should not be visiting for more than 90 minutes at a time. A few hours only if you get along real well. You shouldn't be staying with them. You stay at a hotel. Same when they visit you. You manage the time together. You excuse yourself if they are rude.

This. Stay at a hotel. Always have an exit route. If they come to town, meet somewhere neutral. You try all sorts of permutations and give them all sorts of chances so if you have to distance more, you know you exhausted every strategy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Remember that you were a jerk when you were a toddler/teen and they loved you anyway.

Really stupid comparison.
You were a kid, remember, and didn't know any better.
They are adults and should know better.

You're trying to justify the unjustifiable.

One of the wonderful things about being an adult is that I have so much more control over my circumstances and relationships. As a kid, I HAD to put up with my parents, my siblings, teachers, classmates, etc. no matter how they treated me, because I had very limited control over my circumstances, living arrangement, school, etc.

Now that I'm an adult, I don't have to tolerate being mistreated. Nobody gets to talk to me the way that my sister did growing up. I'm sure my parents have their opinions on a lot of things in my life, but MY opinions matter more than theirs now. When I was a kid, it was the opposite.

I love and respect my parents, and they love and respect me, even though we see the world very differently. But they don't get to treat me like shit and expect me to put up with it, just because they're my parents (and they never would!). Nobody gets to talk to me/treat me worse than you would a complete stranger and expect me to tolerate it, just because "we're family." And if you WOULD treat a stranger that badly, then you're an awful person and the natural consequence of that is that nobody wants to be around you.

Very true. I live by these rules as well, which meant that I had to cut off my mother temporarily until she understood that she couldn't be verbally abusive if she wanted to see her grandkids. And to her credit, she learned her lesson.