Husband doesn’t want to donate to my alma mater

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband doesn’t want to donate? Why do you need his ok? I don’t think at all it will help with admissions but give where you want to give

It depends what level of spending you have decided requires no mutual consultation.

Admit it, if your DH spent more than $1,000 on something without telling you about it beforehand, you'd be very annoyed.

Pp from above here - yes for sure. My husband and decide together how to donate/budget etc. you are right. I guess I found it a little off putting - the tone of the original post. But for sure both of us should have a voice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Brown alum and DH went to Amherst. We are UMC and have a very bright 7 yo. DH’s alma mater has ended legacy admissions but mine hasn’t, and while I have given off and on in the past I was thinking it would make sense to make sure we’re making an annual donation to my school to help give DC a leg up in case he wants to apply someday. DH is dead set against this and thinks I am being ridiculous. I freely admit that I probably am, I just wouldn’t want to have not done something that could have helped DC. Thoughts?

My husband and his father went to a not to be names Ivy. They have donated more than $9M over the years (25 years). And guess what? My son with a 1560 SAT, 3.9 us GPA and amazing ECs was waitlisted and never got off the waitlist. Stop this nonsense. If $9M didnt help with a qualified kid, forget about donating a few thousand dollars. Needless to say, the donations have stopped with a nice letter to the development office.

Kid was accepted to another Ivy through RD process…

Then you did something really wrong. Is your kid a jerk? Development should have made the connection but did you make it easy and nudge them (with that level of donation you should have a contact in development). Something is missing. Be honest with your self.

Nothing is missing. Grandfather has donated $7M before my husband took control of his company and continued the planned donations. Grandfather was involved with alumni affairs until the day he died. Father took over company and continued the exact same process.Very involved with alumni affairs. yes of course we had a development relationship. Nothing was missing. Development was fully aware that kid was applying. You can think anything you want, but reality is that it did not help. It even came with I’m sorry email from development. This was 2 years ago. I’m willing to bet that if this was TODAY, the school would have admitted him right away given the Trumpiam problems they are facing…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husband doesn’t want to donate? Why do you need his ok? I don’t think at all it will help with admissions but give where you want to give

It depends what level of spending you have decided requires no mutual consultation.

Admit it, if your DH spent more than $1,000 on something without telling you about it beforehand, you'd be very annoyed.

Pp from above here - yes for sure. My husband and decide together how to donate/budget etc. you are right. I guess I found it a little off putting - the tone of the original post. But for sure both of us should have a voice

Don’t waste your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a Brown alum and DH went to Amherst. We are UMC and have a very bright 7 yo. DH’s alma mater has ended legacy admissions but mine hasn’t, and while I have given off and on in the past I was thinking it would make sense to make sure we’re making an annual donation to my school to help give DC a leg up in case he wants to apply someday. DH is dead set against this and thinks I am being ridiculous. I freely admit that I probably am, I just wouldn’t want to have not done something that could have helped DC. Thoughts?

Thoughts?

You’ve managed to combine privilege, helicopter parenting, anxiety, ignorance, and marital dysfunction in a single post.

That’s a remarkable achievement.

+1 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a Brown alum and DH went to Amherst. We are UMC and have a very bright 7 yo. DH’s alma mater has ended legacy admissions but mine hasn’t, and while I have given off and on in the past I was thinking it would make sense to make sure we’re making an annual donation to my school to help give DC a leg up in case he wants to apply someday. DH is dead set against this and thinks I am being ridiculous. I freely admit that I probably am, I just wouldn’t want to have not done something that could have helped DC. Thoughts?

Give if you want to give. But don’t for a single second expect anything in return.

This whole process is unpredictable. Decision-making is opaque and policies and practices change in an instant.

Enjoy raising your 7 yo. If, in the meantime, you are about your school and want give, consider ear-marking it to support financial aid.