Colleagues having an affair. Awkward.

[Anonymous]

I was in the military. Affairs are super common, no one reports them. It's only a big deal if it's officer and enlisted, in the same chain of command. You guys just love to snitch and be messy.

- not an AP, since that's the common retort

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d speak with HR head in person and ask how to proceed. They may actually get in more trouble for using work resources for personal use than the affair itself.

I bet there’s a lot more explicit emails in their work accounts. This will trigger an investigation by IT.

+1
Get "advice" from HR and do not talk about or respond to the email. Office affairs pass me off, especially when I know the culprits and their spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a supervisor you are probably obligated to report the violation of the anti fraternization policy and can be disciplined yourself for failing to report it.
The fact that he’s married isn’t really relevant for the work purposes but it sounds like they are violating a policy and, even if not, most companies have rules designed to ensure that people aren’t in a position to give their paramours work related favors (eg ensuring that they aren’t involved in the other persons evaluation or in any promotion process).

This is OP. Him being married is relevant in this situation. But they are on the same level, so it’s not a special favors situation.

For work, no. I'm guessing your handbook doesn't specify a different consequence for married APs vs single APs?
But I can see you judging from here, so please don't confuse workplace policy with your own sense of morals or ethics.

DP
My morals and ethics seep into every aspect of my being, including work. Don't expect me to to judge people by my work code of conduct - humans aren't computers. And, yes, I am a boss, and, no, I would not stand idling by - I'd say something directly to then is they are indispensable workers. If they are replaceable, I'd notify HR.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a supervisor you are probably obligated to report the violation of the anti fraternization policy and can be disciplined yourself for failing to report it.
The fact that he’s married isn’t really relevant for the work purposes but it sounds like they are violating a policy and, even if not, most companies have rules designed to ensure that people aren’t in a position to give their paramours work related favors (eg ensuring that they aren’t involved in the other persons evaluation or in any promotion process).

This is OP. Him being married is relevant in this situation. But they are on the same level, so it’s not a special favors situation.

For work, no. I'm guessing your handbook doesn't specify a different consequence for married APs vs single APs?
But I can see you judging from here, so please don't confuse workplace policy with your own sense of morals or ethics.

Found the AP!

PP you replied to. I am telling you this kindly: no one cares who is married and who is carrying on with who. You must protect your workplace environment, for your own good. Now this can be done one of three ways:

1. Pretending nothing happened, if it makes your life easier. Consider short term and long term.
2. Tell them privately, and verbally, that they need to be more discreet otherwise the matter goes to HR, as per policy.
3. Go directly to HR, per policy.

Before taking any of these steps, you might want to talk to the other senior person on the emails.

MORALITY DOES NOT COME INTO IT. You have to choose wisely according to your best interests. This will depend on your workplace culture, what are the likely consequences for each of these options, and the repercussions to you.

Personal morality always comes into it!! Just because you have no morals, doesn't mean you can expect others to be the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Report to HR, obviously.

+1
This level of carelessness and incompetence seeps into every aspect of their work. What else did they f- up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Report to HR, obviously.

+1
This level of carelessness and incompetence seeps into every aspect of their work. What else did they f- up?

This. It’s a security issue at a minimum. Don’t forward random emails. Always read the full chain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are a supervisor you are probably obligated to report the violation of the anti fraternization policy and can be disciplined yourself for failing to report it.
The fact that he’s married isn’t really relevant for the work purposes but it sounds like they are violating a policy and, even if not, most companies have rules designed to ensure that people aren’t in a position to give their paramours work related favors (eg ensuring that they aren’t involved in the other persons evaluation or in any promotion process).

You assume there’s an anti fraternization clause. I’ve not worked at places with one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a supervisor you are probably obligated to report the violation of the anti fraternization policy and can be disciplined yourself for failing to report it.
The fact that he’s married isn’t really relevant for the work purposes but it sounds like they are violating a policy and, even if not, most companies have rules designed to ensure that people aren’t in a position to give their paramours work related favors (eg ensuring that they aren’t involved in the other persons evaluation or in any promotion process).

You assume there’s an anti fraternization clause. I’ve not worked at places with one.

Maybe try reading the f***ing OP. Jesus christ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have a pretty strong anti-fraternization policy do you also have a policy requiring employees to report bad behavior of any type? If you do then you need to report it especially if your job is at a more senior level. If you don’t have a reporting policy then I’d ignore it. Also, make sure the email is very clear that they are in a physical relationship rather than just suggestive banter.

All of this. I have long experience with obsessed women on the Relationship Forum jumping to conclusions when things are merely suggestive, not determinative. In the same way that anytime a man says something nice to them, they think he must be flirting.

[Anonymous]

Answer the email chain in a new email and let the affair couple know what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Answer the email chain in a new email and let the affair couple know what happened.

Yeah, but that kind of outs you as having noticed the risque previous emails and if you didn't report and your company has a requirement to report, well you just backed yourself into a corner.

How about if you are on the fence to report (and you aren't sure you want to report), you just drop by the office of the sender and answer their question in person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a supervisor you are probably obligated to report the violation of the anti fraternization policy and can be disciplined yourself for failing to report it.
The fact that he’s married isn’t really relevant for the work purposes but it sounds like they are violating a policy and, even if not, most companies have rules designed to ensure that people aren’t in a position to give their paramours work related favors (eg ensuring that they aren’t involved in the other persons evaluation or in any promotion process).

This is OP. Him being married is relevant in this situation. But they are on the same level, so it’s not a special favors situation.

In what world is being married "relevant"? It is not MYOB about that part.
If you want to report the affair because it is against policy for two employees to be in a relationship, then do it in person.

If you want to tell his wife as a personal thing go right ahead. This is a separate issue from the work relationship.

I mean, Coldplay became relevant and I doubt that company had a specific adultery clause

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a supervisor you are probably obligated to report the violation of the anti fraternization policy and can be disciplined yourself for failing to report it.
The fact that he’s married isn’t really relevant for the work purposes but it sounds like they are violating a policy and, even if not, most companies have rules designed to ensure that people aren’t in a position to give their paramours work related favors (eg ensuring that they aren’t involved in the other persons evaluation or in any promotion process).

This is OP. Him being married is relevant in this situation. But they are on the same level, so it’s not a special favors situation.

For work, no. I'm guessing your handbook doesn't specify a different consequence for married APs vs single APs?
But I can see you judging from here, so please don't confuse workplace policy with your own sense of morals or ethics.

Found the AP!

PP you replied to. I am telling you this kindly: no one cares who is married and who is carrying on with who. You must protect your workplace environment, for your own good. Now this can be done one of three ways:

1. Pretending nothing happened, if it makes your life easier. Consider short term and long term.
2. Tell them privately, and verbally, that they need to be more discreet otherwise the matter goes to HR, as per policy.
3. Go directly to HR, per policy.

Before taking any of these steps, you might want to talk to the other senior person on the emails.

MORALITY DOES NOT COME INTO IT. You have to choose wisely according to your best interests. This will depend on your workplace culture, what are the likely consequences for each of these options, and the repercussions to you.

Personal morality always comes into it!! Just because you have no morals, doesn't mean you can expect others to be the same.

You can be as anally retentive as you like on certain topics, but here you don't know what really transpired. Maybe the married person is separated from their spouse and divorcing, and not telling anyone yet. Without full knowledge of the issue, and in such circumstances you hardly ever have full knowledge of the issue, it's not necessarily moral to denounce their relationship. This is why most people responded by saying they would do nothing. Nothing protects everyone, including you.

But people like you, who don't have two neurons to rub together and therefore can only manage a mere caricature of morality, will jump to conclusions and make life worse for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are a supervisor you are probably obligated to report the violation of the anti fraternization policy and can be disciplined yourself for failing to report it.
The fact that he’s married isn’t really relevant for the work purposes but it sounds like they are violating a policy and, even if not, most companies have rules designed to ensure that people aren’t in a position to give their paramours work related favors (eg ensuring that they aren’t involved in the other persons evaluation or in any promotion process).

This is OP. Him being married is relevant in this situation. But they are on the same level, so it’s not a special favors situation.

For work, no. I'm guessing your handbook doesn't specify a different consequence for married APs vs single APs?
But I can see you judging from here, so please don't confuse workplace policy with your own sense of morals or ethics.

Found the AP!

PP you replied to. I am telling you this kindly: no one cares who is married and who is carrying on with who. You must protect your workplace environment, for your own good. Now this can be done one of three ways:

1. Pretending nothing happened, if it makes your life easier. Consider short term and long term.
2. Tell them privately, and verbally, that they need to be more discreet otherwise the matter goes to HR, as per policy.
3. Go directly to HR, per policy.

Before taking any of these steps, you might want to talk to the other senior person on the emails.

MORALITY DOES NOT COME INTO IT. You have to choose wisely according to your best interests. This will depend on your workplace culture, what are the likely consequences for each of these options, and the repercussions to you.

Personal morality always comes into it!! Just because you have no morals, doesn't mean you can expect others to be the same.

You can be as anally retentive as you like on certain topics, but here you don't know what really transpired. Maybe the married person is separated from their spouse and divorcing, and not telling anyone yet. Without full knowledge of the issue, and in such circumstances you hardly ever have full knowledge of the issue, it's not necessarily moral to denounce their relationship. This is why most people responded by saying they would do nothing. Nothing protects everyone, including you.

But people like you, who don't have two neurons to rub together and therefore can only manage a mere caricature of morality, will jump to conclusions and make life worse for everyone.

You don’t exactly need a brain full of neurons to have the reading comprehension to understand that in OP’s workplace it was “wrong”. Some people view rule breaking of this type through a moral lens. Clearly, you are of the ‘rules are made to be broken’ type of morals rather than the ‘rules are for the collective good’.

[Anonymous]

I'd go straight to HR.

Someone playing stupid games (office romance) isn't someone whose judgement I trust to be on my team. Once it's to HR, it's out of my hands.

A former colleague got busted for fraternizing with another colleague on company time. Using company provided phone to call after hours, claiming meetings that didn't exist to block their calendar and have trysts. Not your job to research the extent of it, but anyone willing to break a public policy (and then do something stupid like put it in writing and send it to the wrong person) is probably breaking other rules. BYE. The job market is such that there are plenty of people to backfill them.