Another “which rooms” shared beach house

[Anonymous]

Did the younger siblings even have the option to pay a little more for the larger rooms?

Or was it just assumed that they’d have to be satisfied with the dregs, likely as it has been all their lives, while the older siblings get first choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This IS a perfect family conundrum. I love it. 5 rooms, who gets what. Youngest sibling gets sh** on. Sounds like oldest sibling was “just asking” meanwhile she doesn’t realize the pressure she’s putting on people who are still en route. They just wanted to be treated like adults (finally!). Oh I love it.

Great summary, and I love it too. Thanks for bringing this to us, OP!

I am assuming you are the 3rd oldest sibling?

I’m betting OP is second oldest. Not the golden child but right up there to get the benefits while acting befuddled as to why the younger siblings are causing such a fuss.

[Anonymous]

I want to know setup with youngest’s kids. They should have gotten two rooms, or at least a larger king because they also have kids staying with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to judge a shared beach house - “which rooms does everyone get?” - situation? I have a new one.

Won’t post if everyone hates this.

This is why we already rent a house on the same street but never stay in the house together *smiles*

[Anonymous]

team funcle (fun uncle the youngest brother)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The family with the youngest/neediest children should get a larger room, even over the grandparents.

Oldest child and grandma need to stop ganging up on the youngest child. (You know this isn’t the first time they got annoyed by him insisting on getting his basic needs meet)

Be prepared for the youngest child to start prioritizes his and his family’s needs over the ingrained and inequitable hierarchy in your family.

And this is it right here. This is how resentments among family members begin and grow. That OP's youngest brother and his family are not treated as equals; their frustration and resentment will only build over the years. How can it not?

In 5, 10 or whatever years this youngest child/sibling will start not attending family events as he sees that he, his wife and kids are not given the same considerations that his siblings and their families are. Or his wife will very understandably hit her limit as she has experienced this treatment for so long. She may very well put her foot down that she and her children will not attend whatever-the-next-family-gathering may be. She will not be wrong to do so. It does not suddenly come to this but builds year after year and slight after slight and OP's family is sadly on their way.

[Anonymous]

Bizarre. College girl should shower on parents room and chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The college student's family obviously tried to race everybody to the house in the hopes that her uncle would tell them she should go ahead and pick a room and settle in, even though that's not what they all agreed upon. Good for him for not playing along.

This is my take. I don’t think the college girl made her parents race to the house.

[Anonymous]

I don’t share vacations houses with friends or family anymore. This is too stressful!

Last time we stayed at a house with family I was assigned a room with only a full size bed- and this was for DH, my two kids and me.

There was a way to split up so that we would be a bit more comfortable, but that would have ruffled some feathers.

Now I either get a hotel room for my family or I skip the trip altogether

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The situation already unfolded, so your comments are after the fact.

4 adult kids and their spouses. Mom and dad (aka Grandma and Grandpa too)
.
3 king rooms. G&G gets one of course. It was agreed to pay equally across families but the two oldest kids were extra excited for the King rooms, and they paid a little more share.
3rd kid - photos showed details of a room and bathroom they they felt fit their needs perfectly.

For the 4th adult sibling—

Last two available rooms are close in appearance. With the pictures it’s hard to tell if one is bigger/better, where they are positioned in the house, or even which bathroom matches which room. It was decided that 4th child, and finally, the college daughter of oldest child would take the last two available rooms. It would be decided on arrival.

The family, oldest child, with a college-aged daughter arrived early. They were at most an hour from the rental, and they wanted to be the first in. By chance, in the morning, the homeowners also said there hadn’t been a previous stay the night before. The house was ready and they could let us all have early check in. Oldest sibling’s family immediately headed there to open in, about 4 hours early.

The college daughter wanted to choose her room before the youngest son's family arrived. He was coming from much further away. She did wait a couple of hours before asking. The youngest son had planned to arrive at normal check-in time and of course, longer road trips always get a little delayed. The youngest son's family felt it was fair for them as paying adults to prioritize their needs, given they were traveling with young kids too. Phone calls were made between siblings. The oldest child and Grandma confirmed the rooms were almost the same. *some unspoken details here about grandma spoiling this grandchild unevenly* So the trust over these statements was not strong. The rooms faced different directions: north vs south. The bathrooms were not exactly the same. Now there were up to 2 hours already, and possibly 4 more hours that the college student was in limbo. Oldest daughter asked if they could choose, asked if she could unpack (and the youngest son could always reverse the choice), asked if she could at least take a shower. Youngest son said no, and it would be more annoying to make her move. Still preferred to see the spaces first. But yes, take the shower, that’s not a big deal. But please don’t unpack.

Youngest son and his family arrived, and rooms were in fact quite the same. The slightly nicer bathroom and the direction of the room tipped the decision.

I can see how college student and her mom would be annoyed to be stuck with suitcases in the hallway. But she was getting quite a nice room and nobody paid extra for it. It was also not their fault that this is how the arrangement worked out. Everyone felt it was ok for her to get this extra room for free. No one planned to use it besides her.

I can see how youngest son were the last to choose, wanted to ensure the nicer situation for their vacation. Even if was minor, it was more their right to choose before a college student. It was a little about family status. This son and wife were often the college student in this situation (years ago), but really were only given the worst room / the couch in the living room in times past. What you get for a free beach trip. Lucky for this younger student to get a room to herself and so nice, that it’s debatable about which room is nicer..as nice as people 20 years older than her, with their own kids, etc.

I am one of the siblings. I was in view of the tension as we arrived in middle of their arrivals. I take the side of my younger brother, but otoh, it’s vacation, he could have also relaxed and trusted the oldest sister to choose. She did confirm how close the quality was. She had to hear her child complain (a normal amount, not too much) on their first day.

I think everyone is over it but me. I’m not bothered, but I love the tedious discussions about which rooms shared family vacations get. I thought it played out well, but it’s so odd to see people having selfish objectives but also just trying to stand up for themselves. This is why I’m on my brother’s side. He was standing up for himself as an equally paying adult, taking care of a wife and family. College student wanted a shower and to unpack.

Is it fair how this played out?

When you say pay equally: oldest daughter got two rooms and paid the same as her siblings who got one room? If the older sibling was paying for her daughter’s room, then the college aged daughter is a paying adult as well.

Why didn’t g&g let all three kids get king rooms? This would have cleared up a lot of the inequality (unless the position of the rooms was such that g&g were in a neutral spot).

I think the boomers are do self absorbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The family with the youngest/neediest children should get a larger room, even over the grandparents.

Oldest child and grandma need to stop ganging up on the youngest child. (You know this isn’t the first time they got annoyed by him insisting on getting his basic needs meet)

Be prepared for the youngest child to start prioritizes his and his family’s needs over the ingrained and inequitable hierarchy in your family.

And this is it right here. This is how resentments among family members begin and grow. That OP's youngest brother and his family are not treated as equals; their frustration and resentment will only build over the years. How can it not?

In 5, 10 or whatever years this youngest child/sibling will start not attending family events as he sees that he, his wife and kids are not given the same considerations that his siblings and their families are. Or his wife will very understandably hit her limit as she has experienced this treatment for so long. She may very well put her foot down that she and her children will not attend whatever-the-next-family-gathering may be. She will not be wrong to do so. It does not suddenly come to this but builds year after year and slight after slight and OP's family is sadly on their way.

So true, but can you imagine if said wife were to post about her struggles on DCUM? "You sound like an entitled troll, OP, suck it up and just go to an event every once in a while."

[Anonymous]

The entire family sounds exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The college student should have had to share the room with other cousins.

This. In a situation where there’s a “spare” bedroom it’s the kid room. If college student needs a room to herself her parents can pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The college student should have had to share the room with other cousins.

This. In a situation where there’s a “spare” bedroom it’s the kid room. If college student needs a room to herself her parents can pay for it.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The situation already unfolded, so your comments are after the fact.

4 adult kids and their spouses. Mom and dad (aka Grandma and Grandpa too)
.
3 king rooms. G&G gets one of course. It was agreed to pay equally across families but the two oldest kids were extra excited for the King rooms, and they paid a little more share.
3rd kid - photos showed details of a room and bathroom they they felt fit their needs perfectly.

For the 4th adult sibling—

Last two available rooms are close in appearance. With the pictures it’s hard to tell if one is bigger/better, where they are positioned in the house, or even which bathroom matches which room. It was decided that 4th child, and finally, the college daughter of oldest child would take the last two available rooms....

Is it fair how this played out?

No - it is ridiculous. 1 king sib gets 2 rooms as if the college kid is a 6th unit [1 GP, 4 sib couples, 1 college kid]. Rooms should have been loaded based on family size and bed counts per room [1 king, queens?, full? etc]OP excluded other GC - where were they? Sleeping bags and sofas in a great room with the kitchen? 11 adults [5 couples + college kid] and how many kids?