NYT: "The Trouble with Men"

[Anonymous]

What kind of women are the bank teller trying to date? I think guys like this can find a perfectly nice partner but she might be chubby or average looking. Seems like a lot of guys only want the hottest women and when they see those women going for the 6-6-6 guys instead of them, they get bitter instead of adjusting expectations.

(And yes, for sure, some women do the same thing, perhaps including the author of this article).

[Anonymous]

I wonder if part of it is the age the author is at. I am a 50 year old divorced woman and although I sometimes meet men I am attracted to (generally older than me), I am always comparing spending time with them with spending time with my friends and adult kids, and it's just hard to feel the same connection. It's not that I don't like them on some level, but I feel crowded easily. If I am being honest, I just don't want to give the time that a deeper relationship requires.

[Anonymous]

What kind of women are the bank teller trying to date? I think guys like this can find a perfectly nice partner but she might be chubby or average looking. Seems like a lot of guys only want the hottest women and when they see those women going for the 6-6-6 guys instead of them, they get bitter instead of adjusting expectations.

The one woman he went on several dates with that I met was cute but not gorgeous. I haven't met other women he is interested in, so I don't know. It may be making it more difficult that he prefers someone with either no kids or one younger kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having actually read the article, it's just clickbait for the NYT set. The author left an open marriage because she fell for one of the men she was dating and when that relationship didn't work out, she found herself in the middle aged dating pool in NYC where she goes out on dates with openly non-monogamous men. Hardly a representative sample of mainstream dating.

As a woman, the article just made me roll my eyes because the author and her friends seem to be self-selecting for these high drama relationships.

Spot on. The author is clearly the source of her own issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having actually read the article, it's just clickbait for the NYT set. The author left an open marriage because she fell for one of the men she was dating and when that relationship didn't work out, she found herself in the middle aged dating pool in NYC where she goes out on dates with openly non-monogamous men. Hardly a representative sample of mainstream dating.

As a woman, the article just made me roll my eyes because the author and her friends seem to be self-selecting for these high drama relationships.

SO MUCH THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What kind of women are the bank teller trying to date? I think guys like this can find a perfectly nice partner but she might be chubby or average looking. Seems like a lot of guys only want the hottest women and when they see those women going for the 6-6-6 guys instead of them, they get bitter instead of adjusting expectations.

The one woman he went on several dates with that I met was cute but not gorgeous. I haven't met other women he is interested in, so I don't know. It may be making it more difficult that he prefers someone with either no kids or one younger kid.

As the saying goes, "beggars can't be choosers".

How old is he? If he's like over 30, he has a high chance of dating a woman who has kids.

He's not a "catch", so he may have to just lower his expectations.

And yes, I do think some women need to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are heterosexual and have trouble being in a relationship with the opposite sex, then YOU need to change. Part of being in a heterosexual marriage is learning to get along and live with someone who is different than you.

There's no profit in telling women they need to improve their behavior. Far easier to keep blaming men.

There are plenty of heterosexual men who refuse to change and blame women for not wanting to date them or not being good partners. Neither gender has a monopoly on this.

Sure but the media points the camera only in one direction.

Really depends on what media you consume.

Almost all media is pro-woman in this department. I realize X has different groups with other takes, but anything that is organized tends to go one way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It's the AA degree working as a teller that's off putting for most educated women. These women aren't necessarily looking for a wallet, but they want an equal partner.

Is he working towards a bachelor's degree in a good paying field?

I don't think he is necessarily seeking someone more educated than him. He would prefer someone who also has at least an associate's degree or is working towards one. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I don't think he would rule out someone with just a high school degree, but would prefer some college.
The apartment he shares with a roommate is nice and well-maintained.
He's done some classes at night but honestly is pretty happy with his current job. He came from not the best circumstances in life, so I think he is doing really well.

Kudos to him for having a job and trying to better himself coming from bad circumstances.

But, single women won't care about that. His current circumstances are not attractive to even uneducated women.

Being a teller is a dead end job, and the pay is awful (I'm the one who used to date a guy who worked as a teller in college). Most women who are in college, whether towards an AA or BA/BS, are trying to go for a better paying job. They aren't going to want to partner with someone who is not in a similar position - working towards a better paying job.

[Anonymous]

It’s just a different time period with women being able to make their own money and body decisions, as well as the illusion of choice. Boomers and Silent Gen just married the first nice cute person who wanted them back, and they found them at school, work, or at church. Now you have the apps which seems like an endless list of people. Nice and cute doesn’t cut it anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What kind of women are the bank teller trying to date? I think guys like this can find a perfectly nice partner but she might be chubby or average looking. Seems like a lot of guys only want the hottest women and when they see those women going for the 6-6-6 guys instead of them, they get bitter instead of adjusting expectations.

The one woman he went on several dates with that I met was cute but not gorgeous. I haven't met other women he is interested in, so I don't know. It may be making it more difficult that he prefers someone with either no kids or one younger kid.

How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s just a different time period with women being able to make their own money and body decisions, as well as the illusion of choice. Boomers and Silent Gen just married the first nice cute person who wanted them back, and they found them at school, work, or at church. Now you have the apps which seems like an endless list of people. Nice and cute doesn’t cut it anymore.

Well, it doesn't cut it if you are looking for entertainment for tonight. If you are looking for something more long term, these ladies have dramatically fewer options than they are willing to admit.

[Anonymous]

Often its the case of too many choices and too high expectations lead to waste of too much time and in too much desperation women settle for who ever says yes before fertility window closes otherwise keep dating until a divorced dad comes along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's the AA degree working as a teller that's off putting for most educated women. These women aren't necessarily looking for a wallet, but they want an equal partner.

Is he working towards a bachelor's degree in a good paying field?

I don't think he is necessarily seeking someone more educated than him. He would prefer someone who also has at least an associate's degree or is working towards one. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I don't think he would rule out someone with just a high school degree, but would prefer some college.
The apartment he shares with a roommate is nice and well-maintained.
He's done some classes at night but honestly is pretty happy with his current job. He came from not the best circumstances in life, so I think he is doing really well.

Kudos to him for having a job and trying to better himself coming from bad circumstances.

But, single women won't care about that. His current circumstances are not attractive to even uneducated women.

Being a teller is a dead end job, and the pay is awful (I'm the one who used to date a guy who worked as a teller in college). Most women who are in college, whether towards an AA or BA/BS, are trying to go for a better paying job. They aren't going to want to partner with someone who is not in a similar position - working towards a better paying job.

Yea. I see a problem here if the guy is “pretty happy” with his bank teller job. It’s a brain numbing dead end position. If he was working towards a CPA, lived in a small studio independently that would definitely be more attractive for educated women.
For now he needs to settle for slightly chubby flowers girls

[Anonymous]

Women have become so awful that men have lost interest. NYT woman argues that the problem is men, wonders how to cure their indifference. The obvious solution (stop being awful) is of course never considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having actually read the article, it's just clickbait for the NYT set. The author left an open marriage because she fell for one of the men she was dating and when that relationship didn't work out, she found herself in the middle aged dating pool in NYC where she goes out on dates with openly non-monogamous men. Hardly a representative sample of mainstream dating.

As a woman, the article just made me roll my eyes because the author and her friends seem to be self-selecting for these high drama relationships.

Spot on. I do actually believe we have a sociological problem in this country - women on the rise and wanting equal partners, men on decline and wanting the 50s back. But this article was not that at all. She was ridiculous.

Agreed. We are in a time of cultural shift to be sure, but this article is not hitting on some important part of it.

This is how I feel as well. D*** is low value, and abundant. It’s so low value and abundant that men have to pay women for it 😂 if you want to live your life w/o a man it’s easier than ever.

But weirdo women still exist! Like this one. There are still good men that exist! I don’t think this is the way to find one though.