NYT: "The Trouble with Men"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are heterosexual and have trouble being in a relationship with the opposite sex, then YOU need to change. Part of being in a heterosexual marriage is learning to get along and live with someone who is different than you.

There's no profit in telling women they need to improve their behavior. Far easier to keep blaming men.

There are plenty of heterosexual men who refuse to change and blame women for not wanting to date them or not being good partners. Neither gender has a monopoly on this.

Sure but the media points the camera only in one direction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may be that the men that most women want to date are unavailable. My foster son is a 5'6" man who works as a bank teller and has an associates degree. He has a normal apartment that he shares with a roommate. He is a great guy who is putting himself out there and open to a relationship, but not having success.

Basically all the non 6-6-6 men are slighted by women chasing Mr Big, and are bitter about it. And the cost of housing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be that the men that most women want to date are unavailable. My foster son is a 5'6" man who works as a bank teller and has an associates degree. He has a normal apartment that he shares with a roommate. He is a great guy who is putting himself out there and open to a relationship, but not having success.

Basically all the non 6-6-6 men are slighted by women chasing Mr Big, and are bitter about it. And the cost of housing.

Right, women have a choice and choose the same few men. With birth control, women can enjoy their freedom without getting pregnant, so they get the best of both worlds.

I'm sure the 5'6" man is a great guy, but women evolved not to be attracted to him. Without society's past restraints on women, it will be hard for a guy like him to find success in the dating market. This applies to most men, which is why you see so many exiting the market.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may be that the men that most women want to date are unavailable. My foster son is a 5'6" man who works as a bank teller and has an associates degree. He has a normal apartment that he shares with a roommate. He is a great guy who is putting himself out there and open to a relationship, but not having success.

5’6 he needs to settle for any woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be that the men that most women want to date are unavailable. My foster son is a 5'6" man who works as a bank teller and has an associates degree. He has a normal apartment that he shares with a roommate. He is a great guy who is putting himself out there and open to a relationship, but not having success.

Basically all the non 6-6-6 men are slighted by women chasing Mr Big, and are bitter about it. And the cost of housing.

If you are missing a 6, all you have to do is become a physician. Short doctors have no problems dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Secretaries ? What line of work are you in that you still have a secretary? Mine was phased 5+ years ago.

I'm a lawyer (woman) and I still have a secretary although she works for multiple people. Her title is administrative assistant, not secretary, but she handles those types of tasks. I've never not had an admin at any firm I've been at (I'm 46).

I have done this job, and the trope of how the secretary is treated is spot on. Worst job I've had.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be that the men that most women want to date are unavailable. My foster son is a 5'6" man who works as a bank teller and has an associates degree. He has a normal apartment that he shares with a roommate. He is a great guy who is putting himself out there and open to a relationship, but not having success.

5’6 he needs to settle for any woman.

Not true. He needs to get a grad degree, dress stylish, and start making $500k+. My tenant is 5’6 he’s making that at age 35 at a biotech company. He rents a penthouse at $7/month with a very cute 5’2 wife who is a doctor.
Plenty of women are under 5’6 height and would be interested in a good looking well earning relationship stable man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be that the men that most women want to date are unavailable. My foster son is a 5'6" man who works as a bank teller and has an associates degree. He has a normal apartment that he shares with a roommate. He is a great guy who is putting himself out there and open to a relationship, but not having success.

5’6 he needs to settle for any woman.

In my early 20s, I dated a 6'5" guy who had roommates. Even his height ( I am very vain when height is concerned) couldn't overcome the roommates situation. That was the first and last time I dated someone with roommates.

5'6" guy above has at most one of the three 6's going for him. He needs to pick up extra hours and rent a studio.

And many Latinas do not care about height. If you are romantic and funny, you should be fine at 5'6.

[Anonymous]

Looked up this lady online. She’s ok looking but not that great sexy to compete with plentiful other women in NYC. Men have choices there and NYC attracts the best looking, the wealthiest and most successful women

That lawyer from her article can marry a stunning 40 yo law partner and he knows that which is why he won’t commit to the author

A woman should always date men who feel like they can’t do any better then there will be commitment

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having actually read the article, it's just clickbait for the NYT set. The author left an open marriage because she fell for one of the men she was dating and when that relationship didn't work out, she found herself in the middle aged dating pool in NYC where she goes out on dates with openly non-monogamous men. Hardly a representative sample of mainstream dating.

As a woman, the article just made me roll my eyes because the author and her friends seem to be self-selecting for these high drama relationships.

Spot on. I do actually believe we have a sociological problem in this country - women on the rise and wanting equal partners, men on decline and wanting the 50s back. But this article was not that at all. She was ridiculous.

This, thank you. The essay was dumb and grating -- this woman keeps making stupid relationship choices and is blaming it on "men" instead of lookin inward. It's also hyper-specific to the dating scene in NYC or similar cities at a certain age. There is almost nothing universal about it.

I do think it would be interesting to talk more about gender roles in heterosexual marriages and how what people are raised to expect and want doesn't match up. I also think sometimes people want conflicting things. Like men often want a woman who will be an equal earner, but then also expect her to do the lion's share of child rearing. Women, on the other hand, will say they want a man who is a true partner at home, but then won't let their husband's take the lead on domestic matters or expect him to be an equal partner while also making twice as much. It can just be very unrealistic. And economic pressures in the US make these conflicts worse than in other countries, because without much paid parental leave and escalating housing and college costs, the pressure is really on for families to maximize their earnings, which doesn't leave anyone with much time or energy for parenting and taking care of the home, which are essential tasks.

That would be an interesting first-person essay. This lady is just click bait.

This was an opinion piece, not an article based on peer-reviewed research. There's no expectation that someone's experience be "universal." Frankly stories that are outliers are more interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are heterosexual and have trouble being in a relationship with the opposite sex, then YOU need to change. Part of being in a heterosexual marriage is learning to get along and live with someone who is different than you.

There's no profit in telling women they need to improve their behavior. Far easier to keep blaming men.

There are plenty of heterosexual men who refuse to change and blame women for not wanting to date them or not being good partners. Neither gender has a monopoly on this.

Sure but the media points the camera only in one direction.

Really depends on what media you consume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are heterosexual and have trouble being in a relationship with the opposite sex, then YOU need to change. Part of being in a heterosexual marriage is learning to get along and live with someone who is different than you.

There's no profit in telling women they need to improve their behavior. Far easier to keep blaming men.

There are plenty of heterosexual men who refuse to change and blame women for not wanting to date them or not being good partners. Neither gender has a monopoly on this.

Sure but the media points the camera only in one direction.

The media likes to sensationalize things, that's for sure. But, there's a grain of truth to the fact that more women today are educated and make their own money, and they are seeking a partner, not a relationship where she has to do all the housechores and childcare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It may be that the men that most women want to date are unavailable. My foster son is a 5'6" man who works as a bank teller and has an associates degree. He has a normal apartment that he shares with a roommate. He is a great guy who is putting himself out there and open to a relationship, but not having success.

5’6 he needs to settle for any woman.

Not true. He needs to get a grad degree, dress stylish, and start making $500k+. My tenant is 5’6 he’s making that at age 35 at a biotech company. He rents a penthouse at $7/month with a very cute 5’2 wife who is a doctor.
Plenty of women are under 5’6 height and would be interested in a good looking well earning relationship stable man.

+1 I think it's fine if you are making good money but have one roommate to save if you live in a hcol. I knew guys like this in the Bay Area where I used to live.

One of the guys I knew like that was someone I dated in college who, as it happens, worked as a bank teller while working through college. He graduated, and got a job making near six figures after a few years. He had a lot of debt coming out of college, so he roomed with someone to pay down that debt after he got a job. I did not mind dating someone like that (didn't work out for us) because I knew he would eventually be debt free and doing well. I had zero debt myself and was making probably about the same as him. He eventually got married. So, it really depends on why he has a roommate.

It's the AA degree working as a teller that's off putting for most educated women. These women aren't necessarily looking for a wallet, but they want an equal partner.

Is he working towards a bachelor's degree in a good paying field?

[Anonymous]

What even her thesis about men? Some of them expressed anxiety to her and used it as an excuse not to see her again?

[Anonymous]

It's the AA degree working as a teller that's off putting for most educated women. These women aren't necessarily looking for a wallet, but they want an equal partner.

Is he working towards a bachelor's degree in a good paying field?

I don't think he is necessarily seeking someone more educated than him. He would prefer someone who also has at least an associate's degree or is working towards one. That doesn't seem unreasonable to me. I don't think he would rule out someone with just a high school degree, but would prefer some college.
The apartment he shares with a roommate is nice and well-maintained.
He's done some classes at night but honestly is pretty happy with his current job. He came from not the best circumstances in life, so I think he is doing really well.