9yr old girls left home alone at sleepover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

Your argument that it's OK to leave them alone to get donuts but not OK for the gym is....dumb. It's either OK to leave them or it's not. You could take them along to get donuts if so inclined. You must really like donuts, but hate to break it to you they aren't essential.

dp.. yea, there's a diff.

Going to get donuts takes like 30min. Most people go to the gym for 1+ hours.

Most people would be ok with leaving your baby to cry for 5min because you were in the shower, or you are driving. But, if you let your baby cry for 5min just because you want to go online shopping and can't be bothered? yea, most people would judge you for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

Your argument that it's OK to leave them alone to get donuts but not OK for the gym is....dumb. It's either OK to leave them or it's not. You could take them along to get donuts if so inclined. You must really like donuts, but hate to break it to you they aren't essential.

dp.. yea, there's a diff.

Going to get donuts takes like 30min. Most people go to the gym for 1+ hours.

Most people would be ok with leaving your baby to cry for 5min because you were in the shower, or you are driving. But, if you let your baby cry for 5min just because you want to go online shopping and can't be bothered? yea, most people would judge you for it.

Unless it’s an emergency, it doesn’t really matter why you left. The kids are either mature enough to be home or they’re not. Arguing that donuts is a necessary reason to leave is silly. If something happens while you’re grabbing donuts, people are going to judge that too. I’m not certain when purchasing donuts became a necessity like showering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the replies in here actually. 9yo are 4th/5th grade absolutely capable of being home alone.

I have never had any 9 year olds in 5th grade.

-former 5th grade teacher

I was nine going into 5th grade - fall birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 9yr old is good friends with “R” through gymnastics. She has spent the night several times and was invited to spend the night at her house. I know the mom really well as the girls have been competing together for 3 years. I went to pick up at 10am and the girls were by theirselves. “R” said her mom and just left to go the gym. We obviously won’t be doing anymore sleepovers there but would you say anything to the mom. I would never leave 9yr old girls at home alone, but she didn’t even let me know!

Depends on how mature they are. Some kids are mature and responsible by that age and it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I leave my kids home alone all the time (youngest is now 8, but we started for very short times (less than 10 minutes) at 7. Anyway, I never leave the kids home with friends alone without knowing the kid myself really well, and running it by the parents. This is true of even my oldest who is a teenager. Kids together with friends are WAY less capable of making good decisions.

But…I know I might be an outlier it both leaving my kids home and not leaving friends home without supervision. So I wouldn’t expect another parent to have the same expectations. I think it would be good to have a conversation with this parent about how you were uncomfortable with it and then leave it be

Why did you even have kids then?

[Anonymous]

Of course you say something. Its bad she did this but so much worse she didn't even run it by you or say she might head out to gym. You need to say something. Also did you ask your kid if they have been left home alone before?

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would say something. I would say that I was surprised not to see her when I came for pick up and to be told that she wasn’t home. I would say that at nine, my preference is for my daughter, not to be without an adult in the house and next time you’re happy to host if she or another adult can’t be at home when your daughter is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I leave my kids home alone all the time (youngest is now 8, but we started for very short times (less than 10 minutes) at 7. Anyway, I never leave the kids home with friends alone without knowing the kid myself really well, and running it by the parents. This is true of even my oldest who is a teenager. Kids together with friends are WAY less capable of making good decisions.

But…I know I might be an outlier it both leaving my kids home and not leaving friends home without supervision. So I wouldn’t expect another parent to have the same expectations. I think it would be good to have a conversation with this parent about how you were uncomfortable with it and then leave it be

Why did you even have kids then?

Gmab. Different poster but this is why parenting has become miserable and kids helpless and insecure. Most 8 year olds are fine with unsupervised time and in fact it’s very important for their development! And yes, it’s legal. Many of us roamed the neighborhood at that age (without cellphones!)It’s entirely appropriate. I agree the host mom should have checked with mom first but this is a tempest in a teapot imo.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you're really overreacting here. You don't actually know what happened. My 7 year old tells everyone that I leave her every morning before school to go to my office. She leaves out that my office is in the hallway across from our kitchen, and I get an hour of work done before I wake the kids. She also tells people that I have left her to go to the gym since she was a baby. Ummm our gym is in our basement, and yes, i used to work out (w/ a baby monitor in there) when she was napping as an infant. Anyways, I'd see what the actual story is.
I wouldn't have an issue leaving my own 9/10 year old home alone to go to the gym, but I have alwasy been much stricter about not leaving guests in our house without an adult there.

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty shocked by the responses -I think of myself as a bit of a helicopter mom, but I think it’s totally fine for two 9 year olds to be home alone at 10am! Is your daughter especially immature? Do either of the girls have special needs? What were you afraid would happen? I thought this post was going to be about leaving them alone at night! I would be more comfortable leaving kids with friends vs alone at that age - they can hang out together and one could call me for help or call 911 or whatever if there was an emergency. They were probably watching TV in their pajamas and barely noticed the mom was gone. I do think the mom should have let you know when coordinating pick up time, but it probably never occurred to her that you would have a problem!

9 year old boys on the other hand…my son was a total handful at that age, but it probably depends on the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's no big deal. They're 9! If the parent had just left, it's not an issue to me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

This is a great advice and way to approach this issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m pretty shocked by the responses -I think of myself as a bit of a helicopter mom, but I think it’s totally fine for two 9 year olds to be home alone at 10am! Is your daughter especially immature? Do either of the girls have special needs? What were you afraid would happen? I thought this post was going to be about leaving them alone at night! I would be more comfortable leaving kids with friends vs alone at that age - they can hang out together and one could call me for help or call 911 or whatever if there was an emergency. They were probably watching TV in their pajamas and barely noticed the mom was gone. I do think the mom should have let you know when coordinating pick up time, but it probably never occurred to her that you would have a problem!

9 year old boys on the other hand…my son was a total handful at that age, but it probably depends on the kid.

How can they call 911? Do they have a landline at home? I don’t know a single person who does, not even my relatives in their 70s-90s do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree she shouldn’t have left the girls alone without asking you, but I don’t think it’s a reason to go nuclear. If it’s a good friend of dd and you have a good relationship with the mom, I would just say something like “would you mind giving me a heads up if you’re going to need to be out, the kids can play at my house instead.” You can be self-deprecating about being overprotective. I bet she apologizes.

Yes, I agree with this. I noticed my neighbor would leave when my kid was invited over there and my daughter confirmed she left them alone. I just said to let me know so I could keep an eye out. In your case she could just let you know so you could pick up earlier.

You’re both ridiculous - not when the girls at nine.

Going to the gym is such a frivolous reason when a 9 year old is sleeping over and you’re the only adult. I’d maybe understanding running to the store to get milk or doing a quick drive thru donut run or something quick for the girls. But the gym?

I don’t understand the logic of donuts being less frivolous than the gym.

At least it’s for the kids and the errand is a 10 minute one instead of an hr+

We’re gonna have to disagree on this one. Why we prioritize donuts over physical activity is a mystery to me. And not sure where you are that you can get donuts in ten minutes.

It’s not prioritizing donuts over physical activity. It’s most importantly the amount of time, and secondly, the purpose of the activity. Getting food for the kids is different than going to the gym for yourself which could be done later in the day when you don’t have another child in the home.

It's OK for moms to prioritize their health. It really is.

They don’t have have do it when 9 year old guests are visiting. She could have waited an hour and gone to the gym after pick up. Really, you don’t think it’s weird at all to invite a 9 year old for a sleepover and then run off to the gym in the morning?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m surprised by the replies in here actually. 9yo are 4th/5th grade absolutely capable of being home alone.

I have never had any 9 year olds in 5th grade.

-former 5th grade teacher

9 is 3rd grade!