Qs before a playdate or sleepover

[Anonymous]

When my DD was about 8, she had a play date at a home about which I had questions…that I didn’t want to ask. So I invited myself along by offering to bring lunch, asking if pizza was ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone ask if there are guns in the house before agreeing to let your kids go over to a house first the first time?

Also, i have read more about parents who don't let their kids sleep overs beyond family. Should "are there any adult males in the house besides your husband" be added? Information is powerful

I would just say "no" to sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can ask anything you feel concerned about, just to be polite and let the host know you and your child’s nervous and no offense. I didn’t let mine do sleep over and glad I made the right decision, since I later heard the host invited a lot of friends/relatives and they all stayed, filled each room floor. It’s just too concerning if you don’t know anything in advance.

Absolutely NO: adult or teen males, and no guns (real or toy ones).

You need some professional help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can ask anything you feel concerned about, just to be polite and let the host know you and your child’s nervous and no offense. I didn’t let mine do sleep over and glad I made the right decision, since I later heard the host invited a lot of friends/relatives and they all stayed, filled each room floor. It’s just too concerning if you don’t know anything in advance.

Absolutely NO: adult or teen males, and no guns (real or toy ones).

You need some professional help.

because they're anti-molesting and weapons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t consider a sleepover with a family I don’t already know the answers to the questions I would ask.

But the person who is most likely to molest your daughter or son is someone known to them or the family.

The best rule to follow is: no adult males or teen / tween males allowed in the sleepover house overnight. Period.

If you feel this way then just say "no sleepovers."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've recently moved into the world of drop of playdates with families we don't really know - oldest is 5.5, he's been making new friends at camp and was invited over to play last weekend.

How do people handle this generally? It's not guns that worry me as much as creepy/crappy parents, but it's really hard to know/judge. I ended up staying for about 30 mins and chatting until both my kid and I felt comfortable, then I left. I don't think I'm comfortable just dropping my kid off at someone's house who's parent I've never met (we had just exchanged numbers via notes in backpacks from camp) so that felt like a reasonable middle ground. Interested to hear from other folks about how you handle this and how you feel about it.

My other concern is actually unsupervised screens. Like, I do not want my kid alone in a room with his friend and an iPad. Is that something to ask about? Will parents be honest? How best to phrase?

Would love some wisdom from parents of older kids who have been through this.

Don't worry about because your kid is only going to be asked once and no more because of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've recently moved into the world of drop of playdates with families we don't really know - oldest is 5.5, he's been making new friends at camp and was invited over to play last weekend.

How do people handle this generally? It's not guns that worry me as much as creepy/crappy parents, but it's really hard to know/judge. I ended up staying for about 30 mins and chatting until both my kid and I felt comfortable, then I left. I don't think I'm comfortable just dropping my kid off at someone's house who's parent I've never met (we had just exchanged numbers via notes in backpacks from camp) so that felt like a reasonable middle ground. Interested to hear from other folks about how you handle this and how you feel about it.

My other concern is actually unsupervised screens. Like, I do not want my kid alone in a room with his friend and an iPad. Is that something to ask about? Will parents be honest? How best to phrase?

Would love some wisdom from parents of older kids who have been through this.

I have older kids, and honestly, at 5.5 yo, I would worry about physical safety on drop off playdates, not unsupervised screen time. Physical safety is really awkward to ask about because you don’t know how much supervision they will actually provide for your child (and some kids do fine without much and some kids need more, so that’s not meant as a judgmental statement). You can ask what the plans are for the play date, and I always do short first plays dates - 1.5 to 2 hrs.

I started to worry about screen time by age 8 or so, and even then you will realize that your kids good friends (or your good friends) may have different views than you do about appropriate screen time, even if it’s supervised. We focused on talking to our kids about our values and what our expectations are for their behavior. We are definitely less permissive than almost all other families we know.

For example, my kids don’t watch videos on YouTube until at least high school. Most of their friends were watching by mid-elementary and parents are fine with that. I know my kids have seen some at their friends houses and I don’t get upset, we just remind our kids of our expectations and they have mostly complied.

I haven’t read the whole thread, but it’s not crazy to worry about children being molested by others. My middle child was molested at school by a classmate and didn’t say anything at school but came home and told me. I think the most powerful thing you can do is talk with your kids about inappropriate behaviors and trusting their gut if someone makes them uncomfortable. And then trust them when they tell you, and don’t put them in that situation again. We are very careful about sleepovers and don’t do sleepovers if we have any concerns about parental supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely ask and absolutely NOT be ok with any adult males or teen-males being present in the house overnight.

Assuming a husband/wife marriage: So the husband has to leave the house because there is a sleepover? And the mother gets to stay and single parent their kids AND visiting child/children? Yeah..... nope.

[Anonymous]

I don't let my kids over at someone's house unless I know them well enough to know the answers without asking.

If I don't know and have to ask, I would decline the playdate. DS is 10.

[Anonymous]

I don't ever do sleepovers so no questions ever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've recently moved into the world of drop of playdates with families we don't really know - oldest is 5.5, he's been making new friends at camp and was invited over to play last weekend.

How do people handle this generally? It's not guns that worry me as much as creepy/crappy parents, but it's really hard to know/judge. I ended up staying for about 30 mins and chatting until both my kid and I felt comfortable, then I left. I don't think I'm comfortable just dropping my kid off at someone's house who's parent I've never met (we had just exchanged numbers via notes in backpacks from camp) so that felt like a reasonable middle ground. Interested to hear from other folks about how you handle this and how you feel about it.

My other concern is actually unsupervised screens. Like, I do not want my kid alone in a room with his friend and an iPad. Is that something to ask about? Will parents be honest? How best to phrase?

Would love some wisdom from parents of older kids who have been through this.

5 and 1/2 is too young for drop off playdates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can ask anything you feel concerned about, just to be polite and let the host know you and your child’s nervous and no offense. I didn’t let mine do sleep over and glad I made the right decision, since I later heard the host invited a lot of friends/relatives and they all stayed, filled each room floor. It’s just too concerning if you don’t know anything in advance.

Absolutely NO: adult or teen males, and no guns (real or toy ones).

So anyone with a water "blaster" or "soaker" (or whatever gun euphemism) is out too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was about 8, she had a play date at a home about which I had questions…that I didn’t want to ask. So I invited myself along by offering to bring lunch, asking if pizza was ok?

Well that’s rude and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was about 8, she had a play date at a home about which I had questions…that I didn’t want to ask. So I invited myself along by offering to bring lunch, asking if pizza was ok?

Well that’s rude and annoying.

Eh, I don’t know how PP went about it, but I think if you are inviting young children over, you should expect that parents who don’t know you might want to get to know you a bit better before they would feel comfortable dropping off their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When my DD was about 8, she had a play date at a home about which I had questions…that I didn’t want to ask. So I invited myself along by offering to bring lunch, asking if pizza was ok?

Well that’s rude and annoying.

Eh, I don’t know how PP went about it, but I think if you are inviting young children over, you should expect that parents who don’t know you might want to get to know you a bit better before they would feel comfortable dropping off their kids.

That’s fine but imposing lunch is a bit much. Meet at a park/playground until you’re more comfortable with dropoffs.