Qs before a playdate or sleepover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I asked a friend whose husband is a cop. She gave me a satisfactory response so I sent my kid off after giving her a talk about what to do if a gun was in the room with her. That mom told me I was the first person to ever ask her. We’re still friends.

Wait a minute, your kid is sleepover age and they didn’t know what to do if they see a gun? That’s something you teach a 3 year old!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t consider a sleepover with a family I don’t already know the answers to the questions I would ask.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've recently moved into the world of drop of playdates with families we don't really know - oldest is 5.5, he's been making new friends at camp and was invited over to play last weekend.

How do people handle this generally? It's not guns that worry me as much as creepy/crappy parents, but it's really hard to know/judge. I ended up staying for about 30 mins and chatting until both my kid and I felt comfortable, then I left. I don't think I'm comfortable just dropping my kid off at someone's house who's parent I've never met (we had just exchanged numbers via notes in backpacks from camp) so that felt like a reasonable middle ground. Interested to hear from other folks about how you handle this and how you feel about it.

My other concern is actually unsupervised screens. Like, I do not want my kid alone in a room with his friend and an iPad. Is that something to ask about? Will parents be honest? How best to phrase?

Would love some wisdom from parents of older kids who have been through this.

+1.

Besides unsupervised screens, another worry we actually encountered was Alexa. The kids (being kids) asked really inappropriate things and the parents did not have controls in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked a friend whose husband is a cop. She gave me a satisfactory response so I sent my kid off after giving her a talk about what to do if a gun was in the room with her. That mom told me I was the first person to ever ask her. We’re still friends.

Wait a minute, your kid is sleepover age and they didn’t know what to do if they see a gun? That’s something you teach a 3 year old!

I don't believe in "one and done" conversations. It was a refresher talk from a few years prior. She gets the sex talk yearly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been asked to show how my guns are secured and that was a non starter (gun case in DH's closet in our master bedroom).

I really think the gun questions are dumb. If someone doesn't have their guns secured, they're just going to lie. Teach your kids how to handle a gun and what to say/do if their friend picks one up.

Thank you! I find this question so performative. If they're the type to leave guns unsecured, they're certainly not going to tell you that.

[Anonymous]

We have (properly secured) firearms and no one has ever asked. I’ve never asked anyone either. I would be totally fine if someone asked me and give a truthful answer.

My kids knew rules about touching firearms long before they were allowed at a friend’s house unsupervised.

I would definitely recommend discussing this with your kids. Along with asking the family.

[Anonymous]

I would definitely ask and absolutely NOT be ok with any adult males or teen-males being present in the house overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been asked to show how my guns are secured and that was a non starter (gun case in DH's closet in our master bedroom).

I really think the gun questions are dumb. If someone doesn't have their guns secured, they're just going to lie. Teach your kids how to handle a gun and what to say/do if their friend picks one up.

clearly you don't know many gun people.

a lot of them are not as safe as you.

I've had to tell family members to not leave a loaded pistol on the counter in front of a six year old boy.

he was in his 60s and hadn't had a small child in his house and was toying with his gun safe and wasn't concerned with putting it away.

It's a reaosnable question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you ask about guns (I did when my kids were little), I would advise you to say your pediatrician told you to ask this question. Some people get defensive about it.

Why would anyone care if a pediatrician told you to ask?

I asked about guns and was assured they were locked up. I knew the dad was a hunter.

Guess what? They weren't. Ds told me years later because he knew he wouldn't be allowed to go over there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been asked to show how my guns are secured and that was a non starter (gun case in DH's closet in our master bedroom).

I really think the gun questions are dumb. If someone doesn't have their guns secured, they're just going to lie. Teach your kids how to handle a gun and what to say/do if their friend picks one up.

Absolutely not. I wouldn't show anybody where they are stored.

[Anonymous]

I have one boy and one girl, both now young adults. I never asked a gun question. This is how it played out. Same rules for both:

1. No sleepovers prior to age 6.
2. Sleepovers age 6-10 only with families I’m close with and have socialized with myself.
3. Over 10, I talk to a parent (usually the mom) and ask about the adults who will be home and what the general plan is for the party or get-together.

PS My prosecutor friend reports that she prosecuted many child SA cases that involved male babysitters or sleepovers where the offender was a male older sibling. She would never let her kids be in either situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would definitely ask and absolutely NOT be ok with any adult males or teen-males being present in the house overnight.

Are they supposed to go somewhere else so your kid can sleep over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been asked to show how my guns are secured and that was a non starter (gun case in DH's closet in our master bedroom).

I really think the gun questions are dumb. If someone doesn't have their guns secured, they're just going to lie. Teach your kids how to handle a gun and what to say/do if their friend picks one up.

I don’t know about lying. They might be the type who say their children have been trained not to touch them, even the two year old. So many fools who think like this.

[Anonymous]

Do people really not have guns locked up in their homes? What do you think people are going to do in a break-in, get their squirt gun? What a dumb question.

Anyway, no to sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

If anyone were stupid enough to ask to see how my guns are secured, I’d just say there are no guns. My Caesar Guerini sporting clays shotgun was >$6k and my husband’s Krieghoff was three times that. I’m not giving out any details about how and where they’re stored any more than I’d answer questions about my jewelry storage.