Why do parents RSVP with more than the invited child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly speaks to the "hospitability" of North American culture.

In Asia, LATAM, or South Africa – the whole family would be invited.

Then again, part of this madness is because the insecure, penny-pinching middle class insists on Instagram-ready, high production value, pay-per-person parties.

No more cake, clown, confetti and streamers at home. Speaks to American values. And "culture".

“When in Rome…”
When you are in Asia or LatAm or elsewhere, bring your whole family. That is not the cultural tradition here and it is rude to do so unless specifically invited to.

So are you basically agreeing that yes, North Americans are penny-pinching, less community-oriented, and suckers for RSVP lists? If so, great culture...

Why did you choose to move here and stay here if this culture is so terrible?
Why would you want to surround yourself with such execrable people as North Americans?
We all know why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly speaks to the "hospitability" of North American culture.

In Asia, LATAM, or South Africa – the whole family would be invited.

Then again, part of this madness is because the insecure, penny-pinching middle class insists on Instagram-ready, high production value, pay-per-person parties.

No more cake, clown, confetti and streamers at home. Speaks to American values. And "culture".

“When in Rome…”
When you are in Asia or LatAm or elsewhere, bring your whole family. That is not the cultural tradition here and it is rude to do so unless specifically invited to.

So are you basically agreeing that yes, North Americans are penny-pinching, less community-oriented, and suckers for RSVP lists? If so, great culture...

Why did you choose to move here and stay here if this culture is so terrible?
Why would you want to surround yourself with such execrable people as North Americans?
We all know why.

Why? Could you kindly clarify?

[Anonymous]

Parents should take the hint to the school culture. For one family, I would adapt because it's obviously a family dynamic thing and I would want my child to have their friend there for the special day. My DC's parochial school community it's normal for a parent to hang around and often bring a sibling if party size allows. The practice too though is to feed the kids pizza/ cake first and parents eat after, but most say no.

[Anonymous]

OP, what are the parties like when the "party crashing" family hosts? Do they invite entire families?

[Anonymous]

Why do parents have parties for very young kids and not have a “siblings welcome” policy?

Do you expect the 3 year old little brother to understand why he is not invited? Or expect parents to get a babysitter for the child/children who were not invited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do parents have parties for very young kids and not have a “siblings welcome” policy?

Do you expect the 3 year old little brother to understand why he is not invited? Or expect parents to get a babysitter for the child/children who were not invited?

Why would they get a sitter? If it is a drop off party, the parents (and siblings) leave. If it is the kind of party where parents stay, siblings are welcome.

[Anonymous]

Can we just agree that some people are more hospitable, and others are less hospitable? Done. End of endless argument.

[Anonymous]

Can you limit the RSVP responses on your invite?
Maybe make an exception for this family?

Otherwise, you may need to simply advise you can only accommodate XXX for this party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do parents have parties for very young kids and not have a “siblings welcome” policy?

Do you expect the 3 year old little brother to understand why he is not invited? Or expect parents to get a babysitter for the child/children who were not invited?

Because venues have occupancy limits set by the fire department or whatever so when the venue says a birthday party can only have 15 kids, it's a hard limit (I would excuse infants in a sling). Yes, a 3 yr old can both cry because they're sad to miss out AND understand that their sibling does things they don't, just like they do things their sibling doesn't.

[Anonymous]

don't invite them. problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we just agree that some people are more hospitable, and others are less hospitable? Done. End of endless argument.

It’s not as simple as whether someone is hospitable or not. Sometimes people simply want a kids birthday party to be about the kids. Not everything needs to be a huge family affair or filled with multiple ages of kids.

Everyone speaks of respecting different cultures yet when people point out that in much of American culture, kid birthday parties are drop off parties for kids, that is seen as people being rude, cheap, unwelcoming, inhospitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do parents have parties for very young kids and not have a “siblings welcome” policy?

Do you expect the 3 year old little brother to understand why he is not invited? Or expect parents to get a babysitter for the child/children who were not invited?

Why would they get a sitter? If it is a drop off party, the parents (and siblings) leave. If it is the kind of party where parents stay, siblings are welcome.

Pretty sure PP was talking about non drop off parties. I think the answer is that for venue parties siblings are often excluded even when a parent has to stay. I hate that and think it should be avoided, but I understand logistical constraints. I don’t think I’ve ever been to a (young child) home or park party where siblings were not welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we just agree that some people are more hospitable, and others are less hospitable? Done. End of endless argument.

I think it's not so simple. I try and include entire families, but when it comes to the years where you have the all-class or all-grade parties where you invite everyone so nobody feels left out (which is a worthy goal), sometimes you can't include all the siblings. I think people need to manage their kids expectations. I would never drag uninvited siblings to a party so their feelings wouldn't get hurt. How are these people can parent through legitimately difficult things in MS and HS if they can't even handle disappointment over a child's bday party???

[Anonymous]

I would stop inviting that family. I have been know to tell parents that we are sorry, but we can only welcome the invited child to the party and we'll see them at pick up time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I complained about this to a friend about a mutual acquaintance and she said the wife doesn't trust the husband to take care of the baby, but also she can't handle all the kids herself when SHE has the baby, so the entire family goes everywhere together. To me this is insane and proof you had too many kids.

This makes absolutely no sense. If husband can't take care of the baby (which may be reasonable if the baby is still breastfeeding and the mom doesn't want to or can't pump), why wouldn't the husband take kid(s) to the birthday party and Mom stay home with baby?