Is this a good custody schedule for our kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

It really only matters what the kids think and it's nearly unanimous that the split schedules suck.. the parents should rotate not the kids

I am confused. How do the parents rotate since they don't live in the same house. Am I missing something here? OP is divorced. I don't beg the rotation part.

They get a second residence for the adults to rotate to. It's called birdnesting.

It’s a disaster. There are lots of bad things about divorce for kids, but the good thing about divorce for kids is that it reduces the conflict. A system like this that perpetuates it is a terrible thing to do to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

It really only matters what the kids think and it's nearly unanimous that the split schedules suck.. the parents should rotate not the kids

I am confused. How do the parents rotate since they don't live in the same house. Am I missing something here? OP is divorced. I don't beg the rotation part.

They get a second residence for the adults to rotate to. It's called birdnesting.

Yeah. No.

[Anonymous]

Did you ex already get an apartment/buy a house? 15-20 min each way is a lot and adds up. My neighbors bought houses one street over from each other and in the same school district. That's my favorite because they aren't close enough neighbors to be fighting about it, but also very close for the kid to walk between homes.

[Anonymous]

What about holidays? Are you rotating or will the kids have 2 Thanksgivings, 2 Christmases, 2 Easters (which potentially becomes 4 Christmases after they marry).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ex already get an apartment/buy a house? 15-20 min each way is a lot and adds up. My neighbors bought houses one street over from each other and in the same school district. That's my favorite because they aren't close enough neighbors to be fighting about it, but also very close for the kid to walk between homes.

While walking between homes sounds idyllic, it's also not a great thing. What happens when Parent A wants to have alone, adult time and kids come bursting through the doors? What happens when Kids start preferring one house over another because it's "the nicer house"? What happens when kids get mad at Parent A and just says "well, I am going to Parent B" because they can simply walk over It leaves the other parent in a bind and at a loss of what to do.

We have found that having some separation is key. We live a 12 minute drive from each other. We also never deviate from our schedule unless there is a need for the kids. It gives everyone clear boundaries on what to expect and how to operate and it greatly reduces conflict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is 16 and has been at her dad's house tues/thurs/sat nights for most of her childhood. We switch it up when called for. She has stuff at both houses, and she is capable of planning ahead to have her stuff where it needs to be. I live near her school, so dad brings her here before school when needed. It's not cruel. Some of you have weird, overly judgmental ideas of what cruelty to kids involve. I would say that people who hate each other but stay together for the kids are doing wat more damage than those of us switching off our kids to different households.

It really only matters what the kids think and it's nearly unanimous that the split schedules suck.. the parents should rotate not the kids

I am confused. How do the parents rotate since they don't live in the same house. Am I missing something here? OP is divorced. I don't beg the rotation part.

They get a second residence for the adults to rotate to. It's called birdnesting.

It’s a disaster. There are lots of bad things about divorce for kids, but the good thing about divorce for kids is that it reduces the conflict. A system like this that perpetuates it is a terrible thing to do to your kids.

I have done it. I disagree. It was better than two houses and switching. There was no conflict. There was much more conflict with the switching with two houses and the more complicated logistics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ex DW will have the kids every Monday and Tuesday and every other weekend (Saturday and Sunday).

I will have the kids Wednesday to Sunday one week and Wednesday to Friday the next.

And during the week exDW will also drive them and pick them up from sports practice some of the days ( we will split them)

I am the designated primary parent. This work for us because the kids are staying in the school district with me and ex DW will be living in another district.

Our kids are 15 and 12.

Anyways used a similar schedule? DW works from home on Mondays and Tuesdays so that's how we came up with the schedule. We just don't want the kids traveling back and forth.

But that's what you're doing? They're with mom M and T, with dad W, Th, and F, then with mom S and S some weeks. That's a lot. Why not let them have M-F at dad's since he's in the school district or have them switch every week? In your situation you are having them go back and forth three times in one week. That seems like a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ex already get an apartment/buy a house? 15-20 min each way is a lot and adds up. My neighbors bought houses one street over from each other and in the same school district. That's my favorite because they aren't close enough neighbors to be fighting about it, but also very close for the kid to walk between homes.

While walking between homes sounds idyllic, it's also not a great thing. What happens when Parent A wants to have alone, adult time and kids come bursting through the doors? What happens when Kids start preferring one house over another because it's "the nicer house"? What happens when kids get mad at Parent A and just says "well, I am going to Parent B" because they can simply walk over It leaves the other parent in a bind and at a loss of what to do.

We have found that having some separation is key. We live a 12 minute drive from each other. We also never deviate from our schedule unless there is a need for the kids. It gives everyone clear boundaries on what to expect and how to operate and it greatly reduces conflict.

My ex and I are two blocks apart and nothing like this has ever happened. The kids LOVE it because it keeps their world the same- the playground, the library, playing outside with the neighbor kids.