Is this a good custody schedule for our kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Needs to be the same days every week. Too chaotic.

It's the same days every week.

Ex DW: Monday/Tuesday every week
Me: Wednesday to Friday every week

Then we alternate weekends

Then it’s not the same each week, is it? They won’t remember whose house they’re at on weekends, which parent to ask about Friday night sleepover, Saturday sports, etc.

The parent who has them on Saturday will do the sports. How often do kids have sleepover? It's not every week. This is the problem with you guys. The kids have already had their lives altered and you guys are already thinking which parent is going to be worse off.

I think this is a great schedule. And it's rare for men to be primary parent. So they seem to have found a good compromise.

My kids go to or host a sleepover each week.

You are in the minority. Most kids do not have sleepover each week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ex DW will have the kids every Monday and Tuesday and every other weekend (Saturday and Sunday).

I will have the kids Wednesday to Sunday one week and Wednesday to Friday the next.

And during the week exDW will also drive them and pick them up from sports practice some of the days ( we will split them)

I am the designated primary parent. This work for us because the kids are staying in the school district with me and ex DW will be living in another district.

Our kids are 15 and 12.

Anyways used a similar schedule? DW works from home on Mondays and Tuesdays so that's how we came up with the schedule. We just don't want the kids traveling back and forth.

If it works for your family then what’s the problem? If it doesn’t then you revisit it.

[Anonymous]

My only advice is to also encourage your kids to have sleepovers or visit at your ex's house. It's important she doesn't feel left out even she doesn't say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of shocked by all of the negativity in these responses... My ex and I had this exact schedule after we divorced (1 child who was 7 when we split up) and it worked well for all three of us. Mom was always with the kid for the M/Tu stuff and dad was always with the kid for the W/Th stuff, which gave us nice consistency. We lived 7 minutes apart and both of our houses were a 15 minute drive from kid's school, so if an item was left behind or needed to be dropped off it was not a problem.

Once kid reached 8th grade, they asked to not do the mid week switch so we changed the schedule to alternating weeks with each parent. At that point, ex and I were on good terms and had no problem with having the other parent take the kid out to dinner or do other stuff with them during the other parent's week.

Actually maybe we did not have the exact same schedule: ours was
Mom M/Tu
Dad W/Th
alternating F/S/Sun

The "handing off" would happen at school- so Mom would always drop off kid at school on Wednesday morning and Dad would pick up on that day; whoever had the kid for the weekend would pick up from school on Friday afternoon and drop off at school on Monday morning, and mom would always pick up from school on Monday.

Kid didn't need to tote much stuff between houses when they were young so it was easy for them to take what they needed with them to school. As they got older, there was more and more stuff. Once we switched to the week on/week off schedule, we would do the handoff on Sunday afternoon so that all the stuff could be dropped off along with the kid.

[Anonymous]

If it works for all of you, yes, don't ask here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Needs to be the same days every week. Too chaotic.

It's the same days every week.

Ex DW: Monday/Tuesday every week
Me: Wednesday to Friday every week

Then we alternate weekends

Then it’s not the same each week, is it? They won’t remember whose house they’re at on weekends, which parent to ask about Friday night sleepover, Saturday sports, etc.

The parent who has them on Saturday will do the sports. How often do kids have sleepover? It's not every week. This is the problem with you guys. The kids have already had their lives altered and you guys are already thinking which parent is going to be worse off.

I think this is a great schedule. And it's rare for men to be primary parent. So they seem to have found a good compromise.

My kids go to or host a sleepover each week.

You are in the minority. Most kids do not have sleepover each week.

They want to get rid of their kids. My kids rarely sleep over. With sports, activities and school, no reasonably time for that.

Its not rare for Dad's to be the active parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of shocked by all of the negativity in these responses... My ex and I had this exact schedule after we divorced (1 child who was 7 when we split up) and it worked well for all three of us. Mom was always with the kid for the M/Tu stuff and dad was always with the kid for the W/Th stuff, which gave us nice consistency. We lived 7 minutes apart and both of our houses were a 15 minute drive from kid's school, so if an item was left behind or needed to be dropped off it was not a problem.

Once kid reached 8th grade, they asked to not do the mid week switch so we changed the schedule to alternating weeks with each parent. At that point, ex and I were on good terms and had no problem with having the other parent take the kid out to dinner or do other stuff with them during the other parent's week.

Actually maybe we did not have the exact same schedule: ours was
Mom M/Tu
Dad W/Th
alternating F/S/Sun

The "handing off" would happen at school- so Mom would always drop off kid at school on Wednesday morning and Dad would pick up on that day; whoever had the kid for the weekend would pick up from school on Friday afternoon and drop off at school on Monday morning, and mom would always pick up from school on Monday.

Kid didn't need to tote much stuff between houses when they were young so it was easy for them to take what they needed with them to school. As they got older, there was more and more stuff. Once we switched to the week on/week off schedule, we would do the handoff on Sunday afternoon so that all the stuff could be dropped off along with the kid.

OP here. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. We thought about the week on/week off but it would be really a logistical challenge for my ex's schedule to take them to/from school every day. And kids would need to stay for after school etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of shocked by all of the negativity in these responses... My ex and I had this exact schedule after we divorced (1 child who was 7 when we split up) and it worked well for all three of us. Mom was always with the kid for the M/Tu stuff and dad was always with the kid for the W/Th stuff, which gave us nice consistency. We lived 7 minutes apart and both of our houses were a 15 minute drive from kid's school, so if an item was left behind or needed to be dropped off it was not a problem.

Once kid reached 8th grade, they asked to not do the mid week switch so we changed the schedule to alternating weeks with each parent. At that point, ex and I were on good terms and had no problem with having the other parent take the kid out to dinner or do other stuff with them during the other parent's week.

yeah it worked when your kid was 7. your kid once older asked to change it I think op will run into the same problem for the same reason. also you and your ex live closer together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ex DW will have the kids every Monday and Tuesday and every other weekend (Saturday and Sunday).

I will have the kids Wednesday to Sunday one week and Wednesday to Friday the next.

And during the week exDW will also drive them and pick them up from sports practice some of the days ( we will split them)

I am the designated primary parent. This work for us because the kids are staying in the school district with me and ex DW will be living in another district.

Our kids are 15 and 12.

Anyways used a similar schedule? DW works from home on Mondays and Tuesdays so that's how we came up with the schedule. We just don't want the kids traveling back and forth.

If it works for your family then what’s the problem? If it doesn’t then you revisit it.

OP here..thank you. I just wanted to hear other people's experience with this type of schedule. But as you said we will try it and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of shocked by all of the negativity in these responses... My ex and I had this exact schedule after we divorced (1 child who was 7 when we split up) and it worked well for all three of us. Mom was always with the kid for the M/Tu stuff and dad was always with the kid for the W/Th stuff, which gave us nice consistency. We lived 7 minutes apart and both of our houses were a 15 minute drive from kid's school, so if an item was left behind or needed to be dropped off it was not a problem.

Once kid reached 8th grade, they asked to not do the mid week switch so we changed the schedule to alternating weeks with each parent. At that point, ex and I were on good terms and had no problem with having the other parent take the kid out to dinner or do other stuff with them during the other parent's week.

Actually maybe we did not have the exact same schedule: ours was
Mom M/Tu
Dad W/Th
alternating F/S/Sun

The "handing off" would happen at school- so Mom would always drop off kid at school on Wednesday morning and Dad would pick up on that day; whoever had the kid for the weekend would pick up from school on Friday afternoon and drop off at school on Monday morning, and mom would always pick up from school on Monday.

Kid didn't need to tote much stuff between houses when they were young so it was easy for them to take what they needed with them to school. As they got older, there was more and more stuff. Once we switched to the week on/week off schedule, we would do the handoff on Sunday afternoon so that all the stuff could be dropped off along with the kid.

OP here. Thanks so much for sharing your experience. We thought about the week on/week off but it would be really a logistical challenge for my ex's schedule to take them to/from school every day. And kids would need to stay for after school etc.

You are welcome. Looking back on our experience (kid is now 19): I think that we were lucky in that both my ex and I were willing to be flexible with each other and succeeded in conveying to our kid that we were trying our best to do things in a way that would work as well as possible for all of us. If the parents can give each other grace and consideration (I know that that isn't always possible for people with unreasonable exes), it can make things easier.

We all agreed that if doing things a certain way was really bad for one of us, we would make every effort to help it get better and/or to change things. Along the way my ex and I had to tweak our work schedules a few times. When things like sports were added to the mix, we found ways to trade rides and after-practice meals with other families. I think that our kid felt like they were listened to when they were unhappy about specific aspects of the schedule, and in return they were usually willing to give things a try when we asked for changes.

They are now a college student and are very relaxed about moving between mom and dad's house and are genuinely happy to have both places be their home.

[Anonymous]

Since you both seem willing to be flexible and have the best interest of the kids at heart, try it and see. I think it seems very consistent for weekdays and then alternating weekends.

[Anonymous]

This is a standard 2-2-3 schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm kind of shocked by all of the negativity in these responses... My ex and I had this exact schedule after we divorced (1 child who was 7 when we split up) and it worked well for all three of us. Mom was always with the kid for the M/Tu stuff and dad was always with the kid for the W/Th stuff, which gave us nice consistency. We lived 7 minutes apart and both of our houses were a 15 minute drive from kid's school, so if an item was left behind or needed to be dropped off it was not a problem.

Once kid reached 8th grade, they asked to not do the mid week switch so we changed the schedule to alternating weeks with each parent. At that point, ex and I were on good terms and had no problem with having the other parent take the kid out to dinner or do other stuff with them during the other parent's week.

yeah it worked when your kid was 7. your kid once older asked to change it I think op will run into the same problem for the same reason. also you and your ex live closer together.

These kids are older so its not relevant.

[Anonymous]

We do 2-2-5-5 similar to another PP.

Mom: mon-weds school/camp drop off
Dad: weds pick up-friday drop off
Alternating friday-sun each week

My kids are younger but it's been almost a year and everyone is thriving to the extent possible. I assume when the kids are older they will prefer week on/off and we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Their dad lives 2 blocks away. So we just walk or ride bikes back and forth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Needs to be the same days every week. Too chaotic.

This is an excellent schedule. They have two of the same weekdays with each parent every week and they alternate long weekends.