After your children leave for college

[Anonymous]

Empty nesters who can afford it don’t move when their kids go to college because of:

1. Needless guilt that their kids will be “sad” about it, which is ridiculous and so selfish of the kids.

2. Fear of trying something new after many years of hunkering down in the same place.

3. Inertia and laziness.

The problem is that, as another poster has noted, time is fleeting. You do this, and at the blink of an eye another 10 years has gone by and you’re sitting in the same place living in the past as all of your memories grow old around you. There’s more of life than that. You’re living without your kids for many more years than you’ll be living with them. Get out there!

[Anonymous]

I’m definitely staying put until my kid is out of college and I see where he settles. For now I want him to have the stability of his childhood home to come back to. I know he values it.

[Anonymous]

^^ this

PP 7:20 is deluding themselves, if they had to move for whatever reason, but it's their choice - no need to ty and put down others for their choice. Our choice is to stay.

We like our neighbors, our neighborhood, and our home that we've built together. And guess what, now that the kids are in college, we travel not on the school calendar, whenever and wherever we want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Empty nesters who can afford it don’t move when their kids go to college because of:

1. Needless guilt that their kids will be “sad” about it, which is ridiculous and so selfish of the kids.

2. Fear of trying something new after many years of hunkering down in the same place.

3. Inertia and laziness.

The problem is that, as another poster has noted, time is fleeting. You do this, and at the blink of an eye another 10 years has gone by and you’re sitting in the same place living in the past as all of your memories grow old around you. There’s more of life than that. You’re living without your kids for many more years than you’ll be living with them. Get out there!

Your take assumes that people will be unable to find any enjoyable ways to spend their time once their kids are independent. I’ve always loved living in our suburb. It’s leafy and close to the river, and we have a ton of friends here. When we are retired, we’ll enjoy it even more. Hopefully some of them will live near us. They love it here too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Empty nesters who can afford it don’t move when their kids go to college because of:

1. Needless guilt that their kids will be “sad” about it, which is ridiculous and so selfish of the kids.

2. Fear of trying something new after many years of hunkering down in the same place.

3. Inertia and laziness.

The problem is that, as another poster has noted, time is fleeting. You do this, and at the blink of an eye another 10 years has gone by and you’re sitting in the same place living in the past as all of your memories grow old around you. There’s more of life than that. You’re living without your kids for many more years than you’ll be living with them. Get out there!

I don’t get responses like this. It presents as if people inherently don’t like where they live. We love our house and our neighborhood. Why would we feel the need to leave just because our kids are out of school? On top of the fact that we are still working, we have no reason to pack up and leave. Our kids don’t need us like they did so we can and do take more trips to places we enjoy vacationing. But we are nowhere near ready to sell our home that we love and leave an area we enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empty nesters who can afford it don’t move when their kids go to college because of:

1. Needless guilt that their kids will be “sad” about it, which is ridiculous and so selfish of the kids.

2. Fear of trying something new after many years of hunkering down in the same place.

3. Inertia and laziness.

The problem is that, as another poster has noted, time is fleeting. You do this, and at the blink of an eye another 10 years has gone by and you’re sitting in the same place living in the past as all of your memories grow old around you. There’s more of life than that. You’re living without your kids for many more years than you’ll be living with them. Get out there!

I don’t get responses like this. It presents as if people inherently don’t like where they live. We love our house and our neighborhood. Why would we feel the need to leave just because our kids are out of school? On top of the fact that we are still working, we have no reason to pack up and leave. Our kids don’t need us like they did so we can and do take more trips to places we enjoy vacationing. But we are nowhere near ready to sell our home that we love and leave an area we enjoy.

DCUM posters are mostly unhappy. They assume others are like them.

[Anonymous]

We will likely move when our kids go to college. We will downsize into a normal, 2 bath/3 bed house, and then use the Portuguese visa program for unlimited travel in Europe while also having a foothold in the US. Right now we live in giant house with a pool, pool house, land, etc. It's absolutely fabulous but the operating costs about 7k per month just to keep it up, not counting mortgage. I don't see the point in paying for a pool we don’t use, etc.

[Anonymous]

We moved. Sold family home and went with a smaller one.

Zero obligation to stay put as a result of adult children.

Child 1 is launched - has own place
Child 2 will start last year of college this Fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Empty nesters who can afford it don’t move when their kids go to college because of:

1. Needless guilt that their kids will be “sad” about it, which is ridiculous and so selfish of the kids.

2. Fear of trying something new after many years of hunkering down in the same place.

3. Inertia and laziness.

The problem is that, as another poster has noted, time is fleeting. You do this, and at the blink of an eye another 10 years has gone by and you’re sitting in the same place living in the past as all of your memories grow old around you. There’s more of life than that. You’re living without your kids for many more years than you’ll be living with them. Get out there!

Some of us are already "out there." DH and I stuck it out raising DCs in NYC . . . now that they're more independent, we're back to regularly enjoying shows, restaurants, events, and just wandering around different neighborhoods for the hell of it. After DH retires we may spend some of the winter months in a warmer place, but we have no plans to give up our primary home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Empty nesters who can afford it don’t move when their kids go to college because of:

1. Needless guilt that their kids will be “sad” about it, which is ridiculous and so selfish of the kids.

2. Fear of trying something new after many years of hunkering down in the same place.

3. Inertia and laziness.

The problem is that, as another poster has noted, time is fleeting. You do this, and at the blink of an eye another 10 years has gone by and you’re sitting in the same place living in the past as all of your memories grow old around you. There’s more of life than that. You’re living without your kids for many more years than you’ll be living with them. Get out there!

I don’t get responses like this. It presents as if people inherently don’t like where they live. We love our house and our neighborhood. Why would we feel the need to leave just because our kids are out of school? On top of the fact that we are still working, we have no reason to pack up and leave. Our kids don’t need us like they did so we can and do take more trips to places we enjoy vacationing. But we are nowhere near ready to sell our home that we love and leave an area we enjoy.

+1 we live here because we like it. I have no interest in moving. It's a bonus that the kids like being here too but it's not a factor in our staying here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can move. The children do not care.

My children went to boarding school, then uni with summers spent traveling, then got jobs and moved. This living in one house for 40 years is completely provincial and depressing.

My 50 year old coworker was pissed off when his parents sold the childhood home.

It happens. I already know my 23-year-old will be annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not obligated to house your kids after college or after they get a job if not going to college. Helicopter gets retired at some point.

That's how you see it. Others don't ever call it that. Parenting never stops and your parenting legacy lives on well after you are no longer alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can move. The children do not care.

My children went to boarding school, then uni with summers spent traveling, then got jobs and moved. This living in one house for 40 years is completely provincial and depressing.

I cared when my parents sold the house I grew up in during my senior year of college. But then again, I actually lived at home and wasn't shipped off to boarding school as a young kid.