After your children leave for college

[Anonymous]

After your children leave the nest, do you feel obligated to stay in the home where you raised them or do most people end up selling/renting and moving elsewhere?

Do you feel obligated to stay in the home after any set period of time. As a young college student before I flew off, I would come home during college breaks and always felt a level of stability knowing my parents were there.

Since then, my parents have moved and now travel the world.

[Anonymous]

Yes, planning on it until end of college and then not sure.

[Anonymous]

I feel obligated to stay until they are fully on their own, or at least out of college with a plan. Just 4 years, not talking any advanced degrees.

[Anonymous]

My plan is to stay put for a year or two, and then ... go. Details tbd. But my ex is in the same city, so the kids can stay there when they come back.

I also plan to keep the house as a rental; they can be my tenants (at a discount of course) if they want to live in their hometown after college.

[Anonymous]

You are not obligated to house your kids after college or after they get a job if not going to college. Helicopter gets retired at some point.

[Anonymous]

Home is where family is. I lived in multiple countries as a child, so I know I'm not tied to just one house. We're not American, and have stayed here for jobs. Despite having good friends in the area, we don't know where we'll end up after our last kid leaves. Maybe we'll stay for a bit, during undergrad, in case a kid needs us, and then perhaps we'll retire to our home country? No idea. But our kids will always have a home to come back to. We will not downsize such that they cannot comfortably live in the same house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not obligated to house your kids after college or after they get a job if not going to college. Helicopter gets retired at some point.

That's the view of a very small group of people, mostly American, mostly untethered to family values. And I say this as lefty European, not as a product of some third world regressive culture.

[Anonymous]

My SO and I are moving in together and to a bigger house with more amenities (pool, game room, golf course, etc) in a new area where some of the kids are. We have 6 kids between us. Cannot wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not obligated to house your kids after college or after they get a job if not going to college. Helicopter gets retired at some point.

Kind of sad that some people think like this. Of course you're not obligated but many want to stay put awhile longer so that their kids have a familiar place they've called home for years to come to. It's nice to have that sense of connection with your community, childhood friends, etc.

[Anonymous]

You can move. The children do not care.

My children went to boarding school, then uni with summers spent traveling, then got jobs and moved. This living in one house for 40 years is completely provincial and depressing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can move. The children do not care.

My children went to boarding school, then uni with summers spent traveling, then got jobs and moved. This living in one house for 40 years is completely provincial and depressing.

My 50 year old coworker was pissed off when his parents sold the childhood home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can move. The children do not care.

My children went to boarding school, then uni with summers spent traveling, then got jobs and moved. This living in one house for 40 years is completely provincial and depressing.

We’re going to move but my family has been in the same town for hundreds of years. I’m pretty attached to my childhood home. I don’t think that’s depressing at all to like where I grew up, even if I would not live there now. And my parents love their house but travel a lot! Obviously they could move if they wanted to but different things work for different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not obligated to house your kids after college or after they get a job if not going to college. Helicopter gets retired at some point.

That's the view of a very small group of people, mostly American, mostly untethered to family values. And I say this as lefty European, not as a product of some third world regressive culture.

Wow, are you ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can move. The children do not care.

My children went to boarding school, then uni with summers spent traveling, then got jobs and moved. This living in one house for 40 years is completely provincial and depressing.

My 50 year old coworker was pissed off when his parents sold the childhood home.

Most adults make their peace with it, especially if their parents are supportive in other ways. Love and care do not need to expressed by keeping the childhood home. But a PP's comment about helicoptering is out of line. The point is to stay supportive as a cohesive family unit. Whether or not aging parents stay in one particular house is a minor detail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not obligated to house your kids after college or after they get a job if not going to college. Helicopter gets retired at some point.

That's the view of a very small group of people, mostly American, mostly untethered to family values. And I say this as lefty European, not as a product of some third world regressive culture.

Wow, are you ok?

Because posters who decry helicoptering often portray themselves as modern and evolved. The point is that most parents in progressive societies try to stay supportive of their adult children.