14 year age gap?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

OP - I think this is one of the main reasons she has been gravitating towards successful men in their 30s. We have taught her not to be transparent about money but based on her lifestyle (living situation, car, etc) it can only be hidden for a few dates. Men in their 20s have said some ridiculous things to her about it and she complains that they are visibly impressed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

The question is why the dude is dating a 24 yo while he can date early 30s successful women. I think the relationship might work but OPs daughter needs to look out for some red flags. And she’s still too young to be concerned about not finding a good fit among younger men

I don’t think it’s much of a mystery why a man would be interested in a younger & wealthier partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

The question is why the dude is dating a 24 yo while he can date early 30s successful women. I think the relationship might work but OPs daughter needs to look out for some red flags. And she’s still too young to be concerned about not finding a good fit among younger men

Why is this handsome, successful man doing what almost every single man his age would do if they could (but they can’t)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

The question is why the dude is dating a 24 yo while he can date early 30s successful women. I think the relationship might work but OPs daughter needs to look out for some red flags. And she’s still too young to be concerned about not finding a good fit among younger men

I don’t think it’s much of a mystery why a man would be interested in a younger & wealthier partner

Exactly - this is what I'm saying. He's shopping for women like in the meat market: younger, wealthier. I bet he met plenty of decent women before, but he's still shopping for some characteristics that he thinks he "deserves". Men like that never stop shopping, that's my personal experience. Women change with age: there is no guarantee he won't decide to "upgrade" OP's daughter to her 25 years younger version when she's in her 40s. I"ve seen this happen several times. Men like that are narcissists, very focused on their external appearances.

Does he love OP's daughter for who she is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

OP - I think this is one of the main reasons she has been gravitating towards successful men in their 30s. We have taught her not to be transparent about money but based on her lifestyle (living situation, car, etc) it can only be hidden for a few dates. Men in their 20s have said some ridiculous things to her about it and she complains that they are visibly impressed

Maybe one of her talking points when she does bring it up should be that her money is in a trust, she can't access the principal, and her trustee will require that her future spouse sign a prenup as a belt and suspenders to what is already in place in the trust to ensure the trust won't be subject to division in a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

The question is why the dude is dating a 24 yo while he can date early 30s successful women. I think the relationship might work but OPs daughter needs to look out for some red flags. And she’s still too young to be concerned about not finding a good fit among younger men

I don’t think it’s much of a mystery why a man would be interested in a younger & wealthier partner

Exactly - this is what I'm saying. He's shopping for women like in the meat market: younger, wealthier. I bet he met plenty of decent women before, but he's still shopping for some characteristics that he thinks he "deserves". Men like that never stop shopping, that's my personal experience. Women change with age: there is no guarantee he won't decide to "upgrade" OP's daughter to her 25 years younger version when she's in her 40s. I"ve seen this happen several times. Men like that are narcissists, very focused on their external appearances.

Does he love OP's daughter for who she is?

It's hard for a young, pretty, wealthy woman to weed through men and find someone who loves her for who she is, not for her money, looks or youth. This is going to be a risk with other men, too. Hopefully, OP can play a role in helping her daughter discern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a good career and no first family (no ex wife, no kids), and there isn’t some employee/boss dynamic going on, then I don’t think it’s terrible.

It will be much more challenging in 20 years.

We have a 10 year age difference. I ended up with the health issues. You never know the future.

Yours is the exception, not the rule. That is how statistics works.

Probably not. We've been married for 24 years.

Wait till he’s late 70s and you are mid 60s

I’m the PP who described my negative experience. Of course there are couples where it worked. But there is an extensive research that shows large age gaps relationships are less stable

I see from OPs post there is already a potential point of contempt: her daughter has a trust, her partner has to work AND he’s older. Money and sets from trusts are typically considered separate property. It could make transition to syncing their retirement easier, or to the opposite, complicate things. My exH retired at 56; I still work at 45 and we had very different preferences how to spend holidays, for example. All his friends were much older and I spent most of Christmases with very old executive retirees or his work colleagues (60-70 years olds). He would become combative when I suggested to alternate years. I feel like a lot of my young years were wasted on superficial people and things and people who were basic strangers and are no longer in my life post divorce. Despite my exH connections, he wouldn’t help with my own professional growth as he didn’t want me to be too absent from family duties

Your're not understainding that I am the one with serious health issues and my husband has stuck with me. He will be working later as we have kids who are teens. Stop making it about you and your relationship. Not everyone is you.

No, I’m not even arguing with you - just describing my real life experience. You are trying to argue statistics here. Of course on average men live less, and get sick more often than women. Go visit why retirement community after age 65, you’ll see it’s female- dominated in numbers there

I’ll be lucky if I make it to 65 or 70. I am the seriously sick one now being young. I cannot work, travel and rarely go out. That is my reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he has a good career and no first family (no ex wife, no kids), and there isn’t some employee/boss dynamic going on, then I don’t think it’s terrible.

It will be much more challenging in 20 years.

We have a 10 year age difference. I ended up with the health issues. You never know the future.

Yours is the exception, not the rule. That is how statistics works.

Probably not. We've been married for 24 years.

Wait till he’s late 70s and you are mid 60s

I’m the PP who described my negative experience. Of course there are couples where it worked. But there is an extensive research that shows large age gaps relationships are less stable

I see from OPs post there is already a potential point of contempt: her daughter has a trust, her partner has to work AND he’s older. Money and sets from trusts are typically considered separate property. It could make transition to syncing their retirement easier, or to the opposite, complicate things. My exH retired at 56; I still work at 45 and we had very different preferences how to spend holidays, for example. All his friends were much older and I spent most of Christmases with very old executive retirees or his work colleagues (60-70 years olds). He would become combative when I suggested to alternate years. I feel like a lot of my young years were wasted on superficial people and things and people who were basic strangers and are no longer in my life post divorce. Despite my exH connections, he wouldn’t help with my own professional growth as he didn’t want me to be too absent from family duties

Your're not understainding that I am the one with serious health issues and my husband has stuck with me. He will be working later as we have kids who are teens. Stop making it about you and your relationship. Not everyone is you.

No, I’m not even arguing with you - just describing my real life experience. You are trying to argue statistics here. Of course on average men live less, and get sick more often than women. Go visit why retirement community after age 65, you’ll see it’s female- dominated in numbers there

I’ll be lucky if I make it to 65 or 70. I am the seriously sick one now being young. I cannot work, travel and rarely go out. That is my reality.

No one cares. Stop trying to make this about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

The question is why the dude is dating a 24 yo while he can date early 30s successful women. I think the relationship might work but OPs daughter needs to look out for some red flags. And she’s still too young to be concerned about not finding a good fit among younger men

I don’t think it’s much of a mystery why a man would be interested in a younger & wealthier partner

Exactly - this is what I'm saying. He's shopping for women like in the meat market: younger, wealthier. I bet he met plenty of decent women before, but he's still shopping for some characteristics that he thinks he "deserves". Men like that never stop shopping, that's my personal experience. Women change with age: there is no guarantee he won't decide to "upgrade" OP's daughter to her 25 years younger version when she's in her 40s. I"ve seen this happen several times. Men like that are narcissists, very focused on their external appearances.

Does he love OP's daughter for who she is?

It's hard for a young, pretty, wealthy woman to weed through men and find someone who loves her for who she is, not for her money, looks or youth. This is going to be a risk with other men, too. Hopefully, OP can play a role in helping her daughter discern.

OP's daughter can live in a rental apartment and drive a modest car. Dont brag about her job, trust or properties. That would help to weed out men who are transactional. And under "transactional" I mean looking for some superbly specific age/looks characteristics based on the approach of "what he deserves"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

OP - I think this is one of the main reasons she has been gravitating towards successful men in their 30s. We have taught her not to be transparent about money but based on her lifestyle (living situation, car, etc) it can only be hidden for a few dates. Men in their 20s have said some ridiculous things to her about it and she complains that they are visibly impressed

What does she drive and what is her living situation? Is she spending the trust fund money already?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

The question is why the dude is dating a 24 yo while he can date early 30s successful women. I think the relationship might work but OPs daughter needs to look out for some red flags. And she’s still too young to be concerned about not finding a good fit among younger men

I don’t think it’s much of a mystery why a man would be interested in a younger & wealthier partner

Exactly - this is what I'm saying. He's shopping for women like in the meat market: younger, wealthier. I bet he met plenty of decent women before, but he's still shopping for some characteristics that he thinks he "deserves". Men like that never stop shopping, that's my personal experience. Women change with age: there is no guarantee he won't decide to "upgrade" OP's daughter to her 25 years younger version when she's in her 40s. I"ve seen this happen several times. Men like that are narcissists, very focused on their external appearances.

Does he love OP's daughter for who she is?

It's hard for a young, pretty, wealthy woman to weed through men and find someone who loves her for who she is, not for her money, looks or youth. This is going to be a risk with other men, too. Hopefully, OP can play a role in helping her daughter discern.

OP's daughter can live in a rental apartment and drive a modest car. Dont brag about her job, trust or properties. That would help to weed out men who are transactional. And under "transactional" I mean looking for some superbly specific age/looks characteristics based on the approach of "what he deserves"

Though it doesn’t sound like she does. Seems like she is blowing through the trust fund and living a bougie life. The 38 yr old is probably with her for the money too. It sounds like he does fine, but isn’t a high earner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

The question is why the dude is dating a 24 yo while he can date early 30s successful women. I think the relationship might work but OPs daughter needs to look out for some red flags. And she’s still too young to be concerned about not finding a good fit among younger men

I don’t think it’s much of a mystery why a man would be interested in a younger & wealthier partner

Exactly - this is what I'm saying. He's shopping for women like in the meat market: younger, wealthier. I bet he met plenty of decent women before, but he's still shopping for some characteristics that he thinks he "deserves". Men like that never stop shopping, that's my personal experience. Women change with age: there is no guarantee he won't decide to "upgrade" OP's daughter to her 25 years younger version when she's in her 40s. I"ve seen this happen several times. Men like that are narcissists, very focused on their external appearances.

Does he love OP's daughter for who she is?

You’re inventing a scenario you have no clue about. Do you think the worst of everyone you encounter? You really sound insane.

[Anonymous]

24 is so young to be with someone that much older. It's barely out of college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 13 years apart. We have been together, and very happy, for over 20 years. Our age difference has never been an issue aside from my occasional annoyance with boomer nonsense the past few years. But that is a cultural difference -- a generation one -- not an age one. They aren't exactly the same thing.

We are both very attractive and met at work as we are both lawyers -- if that is "equal footing" for you, whatever that means.

She has a large trust fund (and good start to her career) while he is a successful attorney. I mentioned the equal footing because I think some people assume a younger woman is after money and that is not the dynamic here

Maybe since she has a large trust fund and a promising career, she's afraid to date men her age because she worries they like her for money rather than for the right reasons. To her, a 38 year old law partner has enough of his own money and career success that she believes he likes her for reasons other than money.

The question is why the dude is dating a 24 yo while he can date early 30s successful women. I think the relationship might work but OPs daughter needs to look out for some red flags. And she’s still too young to be concerned about not finding a good fit among younger men

Older men like this want someone who will eventually be a care taker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How insane would it be for a 24 year old woman & 38 year old man to be in relationship? What about with an equal playing field in terms of looks and finances?

If you make the same as him at 24 and he’s damn near 40 I wouldn’t do it.