Why are women leaders so terrible to other women

[Anonymous]

I have wondered this for years. I’m 38 and I can’t tell you the amount of female bullies I’ve encountered (not always bullying me but I see it). As my peers and I have risen the ranks, it seems different. I really don’t see the nastiness from my peers like I did boomers and Gen X. We are actively working to take down a particularly bad bully now. I’m in a position of power and I can’t let it slide any more.

To elaborate on what I think is bullying: withholding information for zero reason except power, screaming at colleagues, repeating nasty rumors about colleagues, pumping colleagues for information just to belittle them later for it. While the older women seem to do it to both men and women, the women do take it more personally. I’ve never had male colleagues treat others similarly. To be fair, I enjoy working with both men and women. Obviously all women aren’t bad, but when they’re bad- they’re vicious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Employees male and female react very differently to a woman providing critical feedback than a man. They will accept a man yelling, throwing a fit, being harsh etc and consider him a strong leader. The same employee will crumble, be offended and hate a female supervisor who is not gentle with her criticism. It’s a sub conscious reaction and a PITA.

I’m a fed. Men do not yell or throw fits. Some women do however and no one says anything because it may appear sexist to point it out.

Both men and women should be gentle with their criticism. I would also react strongly if a man yelled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are generalizing. I've had lots of great women leaders.
I've also never met an "I work better with men" woman who was excellent at her job.

After having a horrible female supervisor I would rather work with men.

[Anonymous]

Male here - many, many years ago I had a female boss who was disliked by most women and men because she was tough and demanding. She was an early female Harvard MBA and one of the few women in a very senior position. To succeed in a world of men, she had to be tough. I got along great with her because I wasn’t intimidated by her and she liked that I pushed back and it helped I was good at my job. We had many long conversations about managing and leadership and I think I helped her become a better boss and she me. As a PP said, team sports has been very beneficial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve wondered this myself. My male managers have always been a lot more easygoing than my female ones who tend to be more unsympathetic and prone to micromanagement. Of course, this could very well just be specific to my experience.

Female managers are held to a higher standard and cannot afford to be easygoing. They only got the job by being more intense than the male competition, and virtually error free.

Yep mediocre males get promoted. Mediocre females, not so much.

Completely false these days. Maybe back in the 1970s, but it's opposite now.

Depends on the industry, company size. Mine still is mediocre males get promoted, but women have to be stellar.

[Anonymous]

Mean girl mentality. Women are threatened by prettier, smarter, younger women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Male here - many, many years ago I had a female boss who was disliked by most women and men because she was tough and demanding. She was an early female Harvard MBA and one of the few women in a very senior position. To succeed in a world of men, she had to be tough. I got along great with her because I wasn’t intimidated by her and she liked that I pushed back and it helped I was good at my job. We had many long conversations about managing and leadership and I think I helped her become a better boss and she me. As a PP said, team sports has been very beneficial.

That's great, but what some of us are talking about is "mean girl" behavior, which women specifically reserve for other women. The whole point of being a mean girl is to put other women down. They only do it to other women, so a man will have a very nice experience even with the mean girl boss. Women know what I am talking about, and it is very hard to explain to me who do not understand the deep interpersonal dynamics between women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve wondered this myself. My male managers have always been a lot more easygoing than my female ones who tend to be more unsympathetic and prone to micromanagement. Of course, this could very well just be specific to my experience.

Female managers are held to a higher standard and cannot afford to be easygoing. They only got the job by being more intense than the male competition, and virtually error free.

Yep mediocre males get promoted. Mediocre females, not so much.

Completely false these days. Maybe back in the 1970s, but it's opposite now.

Depends on the industry, company size. Mine still is mediocre males get promoted, but women have to be stellar.

Opposite here. So many mediocre to subpar women keep getting promoted or put into leadership positions here. They're tanking everything and made huge brain drain occur. The amount of institutional knowledge they've driven out because they're horrible leaders and sub subpar is honestly shocking.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I’m a female C-suite executive and I am really disgusted by this thread. The sheer amount of negative stereotyping of successful women is so discouraging and sad.

My boss is an incredible female CEO. I have women report to me who I have an incredible relationship with. I’ve also worked for many men in senior roles who have major personality flaws.

We’re all human, even top executives. The thing that bothers me is this thread seems to hold women to a different standard that is much, much harder to meet than men.

[Anonymous]

I have given up wondering this. In a 25-year career, all the sponsors and mentors I have had have been men. The few times I have had problems, with either supervisors or clients, they have always involved women. Nobody is as vicious to each other as women are to women. It's sad. For what it's worth, I work in biglaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I’m a female C-suite executive and I am really disgusted by this thread. The sheer amount of negative stereotyping of successful women is so discouraging and sad.

My boss is an incredible female CEO. I have women report to me who I have an incredible relationship with. I’ve also worked for many men in senior roles who have major personality flaws.

We’re all human, even top executives. The thing that bothers me is this thread seems to hold women to a different standard that is much, much harder to meet than men.

It is not a "stereotype" if is is based on personal experience.. My worst boss was a woman and I have no problem saying so. I am not sure why some people refuse to admit that women can be bad bosses. It is not a different standard to expect your boss to treat everyone fairly instead of flirting with men while sending women critical emails. Yes, I experienced this with a "mean girl" woman boss. She also sabotaged other women and spread gossip. Total beeyotch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mean girl mentality. Women are threatened by prettier, smarter, younger women.

+1. The same traits that lead to the nastinesson this forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I’m a female C-suite executive and I am really disgusted by this thread. The sheer amount of negative stereotyping of successful women is so discouraging and sad.

My boss is an incredible female CEO. I have women report to me who I have an incredible relationship with. I’ve also worked for many men in senior roles who have major personality flaws.

We’re all human, even top executives. The thing that bothers me is this thread seems to hold women to a different standard that is much, much harder to meet than men.

It is not a "stereotype" if is is based on personal experience.. My worst boss was a woman and I have no problem saying so. I am not sure why some people refuse to admit that women can be bad bosses. It is not a different standard to expect your boss to treat everyone fairly instead of flirting with men while sending women critical emails. Yes, I experienced this with a "mean girl" woman boss. She also sabotaged other women and spread gossip. Total beeyotch.

And, to follow on this, I currently have a female boss who is competent and professional and does not use the job to fill an unmet need for attention from men..So I can confirm that there are actually good women supervisors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I’m a female C-suite executive and I am really disgusted by this thread. The sheer amount of negative stereotyping of successful women is so discouraging and sad.

My boss is an incredible female CEO. I have women report to me who I have an incredible relationship with. I’ve also worked for many men in senior roles who have major personality flaws.

We’re all human, even top executives. The thing that bothers me is this thread seems to hold women to a different standard that is much, much harder to meet than men.

It is not a "stereotype" if is is based on personal experience.. My worst boss was a woman and I have no problem saying so. I am not sure why some people refuse to admit that women can be bad bosses. It is not a different standard to expect your boss to treat everyone fairly instead of flirting with men while sending women critical emails. Yes, I experienced this with a "mean girl" woman boss. She also sabotaged other women and spread gossip. Total beeyotch.

Yes, I said we are all human. I would be an absolute idiot to say that all females are great bosses - my point is actually that there are many terrible bosses of both genders, and I say that from my personal experience. For me personally, both my best and worst bosses were women. But I don’t think any of the women who were bad bosses were angry because I was prettier — honestly, that is the weirdest part of this whole thread, the constant sexualizing of women by saying they’re jealous of prettier colleagues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I’m a female C-suite executive and I am really disgusted by this thread. The sheer amount of negative stereotyping of successful women is so discouraging and sad.

My boss is an incredible female CEO. I have women report to me who I have an incredible relationship with. I’ve also worked for many men in senior roles who have major personality flaws.

We’re all human, even top executives. The thing that bothers me is this thread seems to hold women to a different standard that is much, much harder to meet than men.

It is not a "stereotype" if is is based on personal experience.. My worst boss was a woman and I have no problem saying so. I am not sure why some people refuse to admit that women can be bad bosses. It is not a different standard to expect your boss to treat everyone fairly instead of flirting with men while sending women critical emails. Yes, I experienced this with a "mean girl" woman boss. She also sabotaged other women and spread gossip. Total beeyotch.

Yes, I said we are all human. I would be an absolute idiot to say that all females are great bosses - my point is actually that there are many terrible bosses of both genders, and I say that from my personal experience. For me personally, both my best and worst bosses were women. But I don’t think any of the women who were bad bosses were angry because I was prettier — honestly, that is the weirdest part of this whole thread, the constant sexualizing of women by saying they’re jealous of prettier colleagues.

I agree with this. My bad female boss bad nothing to do with people being pretty or not. What she did have was a tendency to undermine women and do mean girl behaviors. I realize now that a lot of it is because my organization prized aggressive managers and demoted managers for not being aggressive. I think that she thought it was easier to be aggressive toward women because they were less likely to fight back with her.