10th grade DD Missing the bus because of going back to sleep - How would YOU handle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs for all of the advice and tips. First time, I was a field trip chaperone with younger sibling and could not get back to the house until afternoon; DH has a set flex early schedule so that day he was out for work by 4:30am and working from the Baltimore office. She missed school that day. Second time, I got back to her but with traffic it was already nearly 10am before she got there. Third time, same scenario but with DH on his late day (on those he leaves at 7am).

Alarms go off 5:30, 6, 6:30, 7, bus comes 8:05/8:07; second stop across the street is 8:11/8:13 timeframe. I stop in 6, 6:30 then head off to drop off siblings/ to work. She does not want to be driven and dropped at the school thus we ended up with her catching the bus. School starts at 8:55 but she has a 25-ish minute commute without the bus stops added in. On a traffic heavy day the school is a good 30 minutes away.

No health issues, no special needs, timing is the huge part - while she will be awake in the moment you step into the room, saying she is going to get to showering in the next few minutes, it’s trying to do a one hour get ready sequence there’s just not enough time but she does not want to compromise on any one morning item - clothes, shower, skin care, makeup.

She does have a friend who is in the next neighborhood who she is in contact with however, that has not helped. Ubers and Lyft are hit/miss; not overly abundant in our suburb. I’m also not a fan of the shared ride option given what happened not too long ago in Oxon Hill.

Dude, she doesn't get to set the terms here. You have to lay down the law. She either agrees to be ready when you leave the house or she agrees to be dropped off. Those are the two choices on the table at the moment. And every day she isn't ready when you leave she loses her options - no makeup day one. No skincare day two (she can rinse her face and put on basic moisturizer/sunscreen). No shower day three (shower the night before.) No choice in clothes day four (you choose the night before). You gotta get hard core.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs for all of the advice and tips. First time, I was a field trip chaperone with younger sibling and could not get back to the house until afternoon; DH has a set flex early schedule so that day he was out for work by 4:30am and working from the Baltimore office. She missed school that day. Second time, I got back to her but with traffic it was already nearly 10am before she got there. Third time, same scenario but with DH on his late day (on those he leaves at 7am).

Alarms go off 5:30, 6, 6:30, 7, bus comes 8:05/8:07; second stop across the street is 8:11/8:13 timeframe. I stop in 6, 6:30 then head off to drop off siblings/ to work. She does not want to be driven and dropped at the school thus we ended up with her catching the bus. School starts at 8:55 but she has a 25-ish minute commute without the bus stops added in. On a traffic heavy day the school is a good 30 minutes away.

No health issues, no special needs, timing is the huge part - while she will be awake in the moment you step into the room, saying she is going to get to showering in the next few minutes, it’s trying to do a one hour get ready sequence there’s just not enough time but she does not want to compromise on any one morning item - clothes, shower, skin care, makeup.

She does have a friend who is in the next neighborhood who she is in contact with however, that has not helped. Ubers and Lyft are hit/miss; not overly abundant in our suburb. I’m also not a fan of the shared ride option given what happened not too long ago in Oxon Hill.

Dude, she doesn't get to set the terms here. You have to lay down the law. She either agrees to be ready when you leave the house or she agrees to be dropped off. Those are the two choices on the table at the moment. And every day she isn't ready when you leave she loses her options - no makeup day one. No skincare day two (she can rinse her face and put on basic moisturizer/sunscreen). No shower day three (shower the night before.) No choice in clothes day four (you choose the night before). You gotta get hard core.

+1 this. Set boundaries and parent for gods God’s sake instead of running off to work!

[Anonymous]

Put her alarm clock on the other side of the room

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was that teen.

Move her alarm clock across the room where she has to get up and move to turn it off. (If she gets accustomed to it there so she can do it half asleep, you may have to move it again.)

Consider getting her a light clock that brightens gradually to put beside her bed, in addition to the (hopefully annoying) one across the room.

Is it possible to get her to bed earlier? If she’s staying up late for homework, it may not be an option, but if she’s just watching TV, chatting with friends, etc., it would be a good time to tell her that clearly she needs more sleep, so her bedtime will be 1/2 hour earlier for a week.

How did she eventually get to school? If she took a taxi/uber, then she needs to pay for it. If you or DH had to come pick her up, she at least should spring for a Starbucks or something similar as your taxi fee.

I agree with PP that I’d skip ironing. If it’s some kind of school uniform requirement, then she should do it the night/weekend before. You also need to convince her that catching the bus is her priority, not her beauty regimen. She may need to stick her hairbrush in her backpack and go stinky.

Fully agree.

Also no electronics after 9pm so her body can produce its own melatonin and get her in track for a decent bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s still a kid. Stay home with her to see her to the bus.

+1. Negligent parenting. Let the kids raise themselves, then complain how they're failing at raising themselves.

No you are very wrong. I actually decided to stay at home, retire early when DD was in middle/ high school. I made sure she was up and at school every morning even though it was a PITA to get her out of bed. I made sure teachers followed her IEP. Her first year of college she failed everything because she can not get herself up. There is no alarm that will wake her up. She basically trained herself to ignore the alarms.

So wouldn't it have been better for her to have to learn to manage this in high school? The lesson gets a lot more costly in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs for all of the advice and tips. First time, I was a field trip chaperone with younger sibling and could not get back to the house until afternoon; DH has a set flex early schedule so that day he was out for work by 4:30am and working from the Baltimore office. She missed school that day. Second time, I got back to her but with traffic it was already nearly 10am before she got there. Third time, same scenario but with DH on his late day (on those he leaves at 7am).

Alarms go off 5:30, 6, 6:30, 7, bus comes 8:05/8:07; second stop across the street is 8:11/8:13 timeframe. I stop in 6, 6:30 then head off to drop off siblings/ to work. She does not want to be driven and dropped at the school thus we ended up with her catching the bus. School starts at 8:55 but she has a 25-ish minute commute without the bus stops added in. On a traffic heavy day the school is a good 30 minutes away.

No health issues, no special needs, timing is the huge part - while she will be awake in the moment you step into the room, saying she is going to get to showering in the next few minutes, it’s trying to do a one hour get ready sequence there’s just not enough time but she does not want to compromise on any one morning item - clothes, shower, skin care, makeup.

She does have a friend who is in the next neighborhood who she is in contact with however, that has not helped. Ubers and Lyft are hit/miss; not overly abundant in our suburb. I’m also not a fan of the shared ride option given what happened not too long ago in Oxon Hill.

Dude, she doesn't get to set the terms here. You have to lay down the law. She either agrees to be ready when you leave the house or she agrees to be dropped off. Those are the two choices on the table at the moment. And every day she isn't ready when you leave she loses her options - no makeup day one. No skincare day two (she can rinse her face and put on basic moisturizer/sunscreen). No shower day three (shower the night before.) No choice in clothes day four (you choose the night before). You gotta get hard core.

+1. 805 bus is very reasonable for high school. If it was a 705 bus, I would have understood this better. Suggest ideas that PP’s have given, but she needs to figure this out. If she misses the bus once after a talk, I would take the phone and weekend social activities. My 15 year old has been waking up on his own for 530 am swim practice for the past year. No one likes getting up when they are tired, but 15/16 is certainly old enough for that to be their responsibility on a day to day basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Off to a rough start, it’s only October. Both parents are at work before DD bus arrives. She’s been missing the bus occasionally because she snoozes her morning alarm. I wake her before I leave and also DH will on his way out if she’s not up and showering/actively getting ready.

She likes to go back to sleep but continues to snooze alarms while also needing an hour to get ready. She does not shower the evening before but does everything the morning - hair, skincare, clothes ironing, everything. We’ve tried having her preset the shower the night before, but she sweats in her sleep. We have the conversation about planning outfits for the week while she’s laundering on Sundays. What other methods work in your home?

How does she get to school when she misses the bus? Does she just not go?

Natural consequences = missing out on class instruction, possible quizzes and tests, assignments, etc.

If she's up late "doing schoolwork" then she needs to re-organize her after-school time.
If she has any digital devices, including her phone being used as an alarm, those need to be absolutely banned from her bedroom. If she's on social media/has her phone on her when doing schoolwork, that needs to stop as well.

If nothing else works, then make her get up and be ready before you leave the house yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Do everything the evening before

2. Hard exercise the afternoon before.

3. Early to bed.

4. Call in the morning to wake her up. Send ringer to LOUD.

5. If she can, enlist a friend as an accountability buddy to wake her up.

6. Fix bedding and temperature, or see a doctor. She should not be sweating in her sleep. Is she obese?

7. Give her a little coffee when you wake her up.

8. Don't just wake her up. Stand her up and get her out of her room. Lights on across house. Energetic music playing.

I think being alone is a big part of it. Get her up with you home, ready early. She can do homework or play on her phone while waiting for the bus.

Mostly disagree.
She's in 10th grade. She needs to take responsibility.
She has an alarm clock - parents should absolutely not be calling her to wake her up again. #5 is better - but SHE should be coming up with these solutions and taking responsibility for putting them in place. She can sit down and brainstorm with her parents but she needs to come up with a plan and make it happen. If she doesn't, she starts losing some privileges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My tenth grader could not have done this without reminders last year, some days. He’s good this year. I think you need to get her up before you leave or shift your schedule if you can. They sleep deeply at this age. I don’t think it’s a totally reasonable expectation that she’ll make the bus 100% of the time.

These coddling comments are ridiculous and merely cater to the daughter's irresponsibility and laziness. My 17 year old has gotten herself up, ready and to the bus on time every day all by herself since she was in 6th grade. Of COURSE it's REASONABLE TO EXPECT she will make the bus 100% of the time. EXPECTING her NOT to....well, kids tend to meet expectations....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School start times are too early for this age group, which really needs more sleep in the morning. It sucks, but there is a lot of good advice on this thread including how to implement an earlier bedtime and how OP needs to fully wake up DD before leaving for work.

I agree more sleep is needed. It would be perfect world if school starts at 9 am. Getting to bed "early" is impossible. After school activities and school work sometimes leave DS up very late.

More sleep is probably needed; but the busi-ness of kids' schedules is often over-perceived. How much time is she wasting on social media, texting with friends, listening to music, so-called "multi-tasking" while doing her homework? What time does she start her homework? Is an hour of homework taking her 3 because of other distractions? If she doesn't actually have enough time, then she needs to cut-out some activity.

[Anonymous]

The multiple alarms are training her to ignore alarms. Her sleepy brain doesn’t know if it’s the 5:30 alarm or the 6:00 alarm or whatever, it just knows that there is probably another one in a while. It’s doing nothing but interrupting her sleep.

It sounds like there is an 8:13 bus across the street? Aim for that one. She needs to be up at 7:10 to make it, right? So that is her alarm time, 7:10.

Now do all the things recommended - a wake light, bed shaking alarm, alarm across the room, or an app that makes her do something to prove she is up before it turns off.

Give that a try. If it doesn’t work then you rearrange your schedule so you physically get her up at 7:10 until it gets to be a habit, gradually reducing the support you provide until she can do it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks PPs for all of the advice and tips. First time, I was a field trip chaperone with younger sibling and could not get back to the house until afternoon; DH has a set flex early schedule so that day he was out for work by 4:30am and working from the Baltimore office. She missed school that day. Second time, I got back to her but with traffic it was already nearly 10am before she got there. Third time, same scenario but with DH on his late day (on those he leaves at 7am).

Alarms go off 5:30, 6, 6:30, 7, bus comes 8:05/8:07; second stop across the street is 8:11/8:13 timeframe. I stop in 6, 6:30 then head off to drop off siblings/ to work. She does not want to be driven and dropped at the school thus we ended up with her catching the bus. School starts at 8:55 but she has a 25-ish minute commute without the bus stops added in. On a traffic heavy day the school is a good 30 minutes away.

No health issues, no special needs, timing is the huge part - while she will be awake in the moment you step into the room, saying she is going to get to showering in the next few minutes, it’s trying to do a one hour get ready sequence there’s just not enough time but she does not want to compromise on any one morning item - clothes, shower, skin care, makeup.

She does have a friend who is in the next neighborhood who she is in contact with however, that has not helped. Ubers and Lyft are hit/miss; not overly abundant in our suburb. I’m also not a fan of the shared ride option given what happened not too long ago in Oxon Hill.

Far too many excuses and way too much rationalization.
SHE needs to find a solution.

Until then, no phone or screens in her bedroom - PERIOD.
Homework done in family communal areas - no simultaneous tv/texting/social media/etc.
You can stand in her doorway until she is up and walking into the bathroom - even if it's an hour earlier than necessary because you have to get to work. If she still doesn't manage to get to school on time (note I said to school, not to the bus), then the next morning, she'll find her make-up gone to help speed up the process. Still doesn't make it to school on time? Iron and make-up are both gone. She showers in the mornings, so I presume she needs to dry her hair? Hair dryer gone. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s still a kid. Stay home with her to see her to the bus.

+1. Negligent parenting. Let the kids raise themselves, then complain how they're failing at raising themselves.

No you are very wrong. I actually decided to stay at home, retire early when DD was in middle/ high school. I made sure she was up and at school every morning even though it was a PITA to get her out of bed. I made sure teachers followed her IEP. Her first year of college she failed everything because she can not get herself up. There is no alarm that will wake her up. She basically trained herself to ignore the alarms.

And what did she do after that?
Did she finally figure it out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s still a kid. Stay home with her to see her to the bus.

+1. Negligent parenting. Let the kids raise themselves, then complain how they're failing at raising themselves.

This. One parent needs to be home until she leaves for school, period.

This is ridiculous. Most 15 year olds are fully capable of getting up, getting dressed and getting out the door. I am unsure why this requires adult supervision. Are you all kids special needs that they can not do this on their own?

This 15 year old is not capable of it.

I don't believe that's true. I believe she is quite capable but lacks motivation or consequences that she cares about.

[Anonymous]

Consequences. Get up when parents get up or before they leave and be actively moving forward with getting dressed and morning activities. Losing privileges. Being forced to go to bed earlier.