Are 8th grade girls always mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

My observations:
- she found the right friend group in HS (if they stick as long term friends). These girls are more studious and have parents that are strict (not saying that plays into much as I'm not as strict as the parents. Less trouble hopefully as they aren't allowed to do certain things). When your not in the "IT" group, things are a bit easier (or it seems)

Agree with this. There seem to be two big groups in my DD’s 8th grade class, both mixed gender. One group with lots of drama and mean girls/boys. The other group is nerdier, more studious, kinder, and no drama. The whole first group just got in trouble for vaping. You can physically see who is in which group (girls at least - the boys are more difficult) - the girls in the first group wear crop tops and makeup. The girls in the second group wear baggy clothes and no makeup. I know you’re not supposed to comment on how girls dress, but in this case the crop tops/makeup scream self esteem issues at me and I think it’s a visible expression of what’s going on in the group.

Saw much of this as well in my kid’s MS. DD’s friends were kind, sporty, serious about school but not competitive. Some of them were more into appearance than others, so that didn’t seem to play as much of a role for them.

Her HS friend group has been similar. I don’t know if it matters that she’s been in magnet programs, so she has gone into both MS and HS without really knowing anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My observations:
- she found the right friend group in HS (if they stick as long term friends). These girls are more studious and have parents that are strict (not saying that plays into much as I'm not as strict as the parents. Less trouble hopefully as they aren't allowed to do certain things). When your not in the "IT" group, things are a bit easier (or it seems)

I think you've hit the nail on the head. At every school there are kinder, low-drama kids who tend to be more studious or artsy. They are a more pleasant bunch because they are not vying for popularity. They are fine hanging out with other kids if they like them regardless of the other kids' social status. High-drama seems to be an almost necessary cost of vying for popularity. It's not that drama never happens in the studious group, but the drama seems to much more low-key in comparison to the really vicious drama that accompanies the in-crowd and those right outside that circle trying to get inside.

I think you're also right that the low-key group tends to have stricter parents but it's also just the way kids personalities are too. The kinder crowd are not the types you would find going to parties with alcohol or vaping. I'm not sure how much of it is due to parenting, though, and how much of it is due to natural disinterest in such things. Probably a combo of both. I know two siblings: the older sister is studious and not into partying and has a reputation for being kind, while the younger one has always been a popular type who puts other girls down a lot. Same parenting, different personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

There is always one parent who thinks their kid isn't mean ...

And it’s always the mom who has a successful private psychiatric practice treating preteens and teens for low self esteem exacerbated by the exact trauma that their own teen daughters are perpetuating at school. Irony.

That is… very, very specific.

[Anonymous]

It's a tough age. Everyone wants to belong and no one has fully developed social skills. Parents can make this worse with their social engineering IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

There is always one parent who thinks their kid isn't mean ...

And it’s always the mom who has a successful private psychiatric practice treating preteens and teens for low self esteem exacerbated by the exact trauma that their own teen daughters are perpetuating at school. Irony.

That is… very, very specific.

LOL!

On FB, the vicious mean girls from my HS class are now all into gratitude and meditation. They’ve gone full namaste. I’m all for growth and change, but it’s ironic seeing them arrive at this state 30 years later and acting like they just discovered kindness, when people who instinctively grasped those concepts in middle school are still walking around with the scars they inflicted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a generalization. My child and her friends were not like this. I am sure it happens, but not everywhere. I am so sorry for kids of both genders who have difficult middle school experiences.

You are lying or very stupid