Memorial Day cookout - charge guests for attending?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to throw a party, you don’t throw a party. End of story.

This, 💯.

Unless it is a wedding, in which case some people seem to have accepted that you absolutely should expect your guests to subsidize your party. I'm not sure why.

I have never been to a wedding where people charged for attendance. Yes, you're supposed to give a gift, but it's not technically mandatory and supposed to be in celebration of the marriage, not compensation for the party.

You are only obligated to give a gift if you are also invited to the reception. I have actually received a wedding invitation suggesting the amount of money to give!

According to DCUM, if I attend a wedding (no matter how lavish) and my gift amount does not cover the entire cost for my family to attend the wedding and reception, then I am a cheapskate. Sounds like an admission fee to me.

I agree and I do not give money as a gift.

[Anonymous]

If OP is not a troll, I would be curious to get additional context:

- Is there a reason you feel forced or pressured to host this party? By who?
- Why are you putting together a menu that is difficult for you to afford?
- Importantly, have you already invited people to this? Have they accepted? Was there any mention of the charge before now?
- Have people offered to bring things to the party? If so, what did you say?
- Have you hosted a BBQ before? Have you hosted any sort of social gathering where food is served?

It's highly unusual for me to host a gathering where anyone shows up empty-handed, even if I tell them specifically that all I am hoping for is their presence. It balances out in a way that doesn't feel quite so transactional. I've never been asked to pay a charge, and would find it very odd. If I was, I would just quietly pay it (if I had already accepted the invitation) but unless there was some sort of mitigating explanation, I can't imagine I would accept or extend any future invites.

[Anonymous]

Tacky. Do a potluck if you want to save a bit of money.

[Anonymous]

Do it, and let us know how many guests you had!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate this thread -- even if it's a troll I think it raises a worthwhile discussion. I wasn't immediately offended by the idea but I think it's because I've been brainwashed to expect less. I work at a federal agency where we are asked to either bring a dish or contribute $ every December to cover the cost of our holiday party which usually consistent of cold cuts and veggie trays from costco. I also remember selling tickets to parties in college to cover the cost of pizza and beer and an offsite rental fee to some farmer's warehouse. My wife would never let us collect money for a party, but I understand the inclination.

I laughed out loud at “Farmer’s warehouse.” So glad our fed employees aren’t aware of the word “barn.” Explains a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$50/head minimum. You don’t want the poors coming.

Do tiered pricing. Highest gets the crab cakes and brisket. The poors can watch you eat over their hotdogs. Portopotty if they're lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate this thread -- even if it's a troll I think it raises a worthwhile discussion. I wasn't immediately offended by the idea but I think it's because I've been brainwashed to expect less. I work at a federal agency where we are asked to either bring a dish or contribute $ every December to cover the cost of our holiday party which usually consistent of cold cuts and veggie trays from costco. I also remember selling tickets to parties in college to cover the cost of pizza and beer and an offsite rental fee to some farmer's warehouse. My wife would never let us collect money for a party, but I understand the inclination.

I laughed out loud at “Farmer’s warehouse.” So glad our fed employees aren’t aware of the word “barn.” Explains a lot.

Not the DP, but there are differences between farmers warehouse and barn.

[Anonymous]

HA HA HA HA.

I've gone to your cookout in the past because I didn't want to offend you, but you're not all that, OP. If you dare to charge people, they won't come at all.

Win-win! Cancel your costly party, save your money, and guests will be spared your Deep Moronitude.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you are too poor to afford a BBQ Op. Also everyone knows crab season has not started at all yet. Only rubes eat crabs in May and June.

[Anonymous]

My friends (three adult siblings) do a big pool party at their parents' compound outside the city. They probably get about 100-120 to show up.

They provide all the food and drinks, games, décor, entertainment (giant inflatable slip n slide rental!), DJ + speaker system but ask people to contribute $50 each to fund the event + professional housecleaning the next day.

No one ever questions the requested contribution because its a big production and everyone is thankful for them hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appreciate this thread -- even if it's a troll I think it raises a worthwhile discussion. I wasn't immediately offended by the idea but I think it's because I've been brainwashed to expect less. I work at a federal agency where we are asked to either bring a dish or contribute $ every December to cover the cost of our holiday party which usually consistent of cold cuts and veggie trays from costco. I also remember selling tickets to parties in college to cover the cost of pizza and beer and an offsite rental fee to some farmer's warehouse. My wife would never let us collect money for a party, but I understand the inclination.

I laughed out loud at “Farmer’s warehouse.” So glad our fed employees aren’t aware of the word “barn.” Explains a lot.

Not the DP, but there are differences between farmers warehouse and barn.

A farmer’s warehouse is a place that sells farming supplies, not a place farmers store things. —farmer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL OP is a troll.

No one with a brain would do this.

yeah they do. I was invited to a friends birthday party (grown ass woman, married with kids, turning 40-something so not a milestone birthday) and two days later was told to bring the ice cream. It was dead of winter, in the middle of a very cold snap, I didn’t have a car, and I had just done my grocery shopping for the week. It was a minimum one mile out of my way to buy ice cream and I simply wasn’t up for it, so I changed my RSVP to no. If they had told me before hand that there was an admission charge, I could have planned for it, but I wasn’t ok with it being sprung on me after the fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inflation is through the roof. Would it be wrong these days to say charge $15 per family to attend our Memorial Day cookout. We will be serving good stuff like ribs, brisket, crab, etc. This stuff is no longer cheap. So why couldn’t you ask for something like $15 per family to help defray the cost? I mean where else could you go for $15 and feed your entire family, have to do zero food prep and cleanup, and leave zero tip? It’s a really good deal. What’s wrong asking for a little bit of help with outrageous grocery store prices these days?

Can I sit outside your cookout with 🍿?

[Anonymous]

Leave a table for gifts, along with blank cards and envelopes. Quietly judge every person that doesn’t cover their price per head.

[Anonymous]

I am well off, not cheap, and would not attend if you charged. Part of hosting is paying. Don't host if you can't afford to, or scale down to what you can afford.