What ever happened to your most significant ex, if you even know?

[Anonymous]

Still around. We have coffee every 1-2 years. We are both happily married with kids.

Less significant exes are also married with kids. Nothing crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She married another guy and struggled with infertility for years, eventually adopting two kids from Peru. Both kids have severe mental heath issues and their lives seem miserable.

Dodged a bullet I guess.

Sorry, but kids with health issues would be a challenge for any family.

Correct.

But I want kids of my own. I would not have gotten that with her.

Just curious what you would’ve done had you been the one with fertility issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She married another guy and struggled with infertility for years, eventually adopting two kids from Peru. Both kids have severe mental heath issues and their lives seem miserable.

Dodged a bullet I guess.

Sorry, but kids with health issues would be a challenge for any family.

Correct.

But I want kids of my own. I would not have gotten that with her.

You don’t know that. Common misogynistic mythology is that infertility is always the woman’s fault when in fact it’s 50/50.

[Anonymous]

He’s been incredibly successful having built a very large tech company. I haven’t had any contact with him but he’s easy to track. He was sweet and nice nice but he lacked ambition when we were graduating from college. I guess I was wrong. But I’ve been happily married for 30 years so I have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

He still lives in the same city where we used to live, which sounds miserable to me. Think he’s doing what he wanted to do career wise. Married someone who looks like me, had a couple of kids, got divorced and last I heard he was dating a much younger woman from a third world country. Not surprised by any of this except for the kids.

[Anonymous]

He married someone ten years older and from a very wealthy family. Gave up on his dream of working in law/policy and eventually moved to her country, now works for her tycoon father as a board member on one of his many companies. I was surprised by the move, but not by his power/money chasing. I feel lucky I dodged a bullet but still sentimental at the time we spent together. We were young and it was an intense, formative relationship for both of us.

[Anonymous]

I met my DH fairly young and none of the other men were ever serious but they were:

(1) guy who was my date to various formal dances (I was at a girls’s school, he was at our “brother school”) and who I went to a few parties with. We’ve been Facebook friends for ages. I’m married with kids in elementary school, he got married about two years ago. I don’t know too much else about his life.

(2) my crush who I didn’t know well but had a brief fling with: was from another country and went on to play a rugby professionally in his country (both for his national team and for a city team) so he was pretty easy to find online for years, but only his sports stats and very basic info (like he got married years ago). My husband and I looked that person up and his former GF up some years ago and I think by then this athlete had become a coach.

(3) my college bf prior to DH: we were awkward and didn’t end on great terms. I saw in a college newsletter a few years ago that he’d gotten married but otherwise know nothing about his life. We pretty much never spoke again after we dated and only dated a few weeks.

[Anonymous]

Pp here - his GF refers to DH’s high school GF. We found something she’d clearly written (her picture, story about an experience he knew she’d had) and he reached out to say congrats on it and she said she’d never heard of him. They dated over a year so it was all very odd - would have been less strange if she just hadn’t responded.

[Anonymous]

He married the girl he left me for and had a couple of kids. They divorced a couple of years ago. He is in academia and got his PhD which is what he wanted to do.

So, I would say he achieved his outward life goals. I will always wonder if that brought him happiness. OTHO, who am I to judge, not like my life is perfect.

[Anonymous]

We stayed close friends for many years and still send occasional birthday or holiday texts.

He's married, to a woman the looks like me (she's lovely - we joke about it), they're a better fit than we were.

He's a great person, interesting and fun...there were just certain areas we were not compatible in. When I think about what it would have looked like if we stayed together, it wouldn't have worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in contact and don't think about them almost ever.

I googled him maybe 4 or 5 years ago out of curiosity and his job sounds about right for where he was headed when we were together. But I remember also realizing I didn't care that much? Sometimes I'll fall down a rabbit hole looking up someone I used to know, an old colleague or friend. With him I was like, "okay, that's my past." I don't even know where he lives now or how many kids he has.

I just realized while writing this that friend breakups are so much worse than romantic breakups. I don't think about my exes because I wound up with the right person, I have a kid with him, I don't spend time thinking about those relationships. With friends it's different. I've had two serious friend breakups in the last 30 years and I still think of those women with regularity. I know where they live and about significant events in their lives. I don't obsess about them but I will look them up at least twice a year or so, when I think of it. Whereas I have exes I dated for a substantial period of time whose last names I struggle to recall.

I got married young so maybe I don’t have significant exs but I agree. My heart hurts when I think about the person who was closer than family to me for years and I am no longer in touch with (despite reaching out multiple times). I have some idea about the event that precipitated her cutting me ( and others) out of her life but it’s a source of great sadness and I often wonder if I did something more wrong than I realize or if I’m a bad friend. I think about her/our friendship all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in contact and don't think about them almost ever.

I googled him maybe 4 or 5 years ago out of curiosity and his job sounds about right for where he was headed when we were together. But I remember also realizing I didn't care that much? Sometimes I'll fall down a rabbit hole looking up someone I used to know, an old colleague or friend. With him I was like, "okay, that's my past." I don't even know where he lives now or how many kids he has.

I just realized while writing this that friend breakups are so much worse than romantic breakups. I don't think about my exes because I wound up with the right person, I have a kid with him, I don't spend time thinking about those relationships. With friends it's different. I've had two serious friend breakups in the last 30 years and I still think of those women with regularity. I know where they live and about significant events in their lives. I don't obsess about them but I will look them up at least twice a year or so, when I think of it. Whereas I have exes I dated for a substantial period of time whose last names I struggle to recall.

I agree - it’s a different kind of loss and a long-lasting one. I had a difficult breakup with a lifelong female friend in the aftermath of my breakup with my most significant ex - she took his side. I have thought of her far more often than him over the years, and try to keep up with her life from a respectful distance.

[Anonymous]

Heading a prominent medical school, gained weight, wrinkles and grey hairs but otherwise seems to be doing fine with personal and professional lives.

[Anonymous]

I'm better off in life and hopefully they are too. No wish to explore further.

[Anonymous]

Mine has a child who is a famous teen actor. That’s actually what triggered my curiosity to look him up. I saw his child in something and kept thinking the actor bore a striking resemblance. So when it was over I looked them up and lo and behold they were related. I don’t know much more than that. But I hope he is happy. He was a very good guy.