What ever happened to your most significant ex, if you even know?

[Anonymous]

We are in very infrequent casual touch through Instagram. He divorced his wife several years ago (they weren’t married that long, sadly) and kind of reinvented himself. It’s been about 2 years since we last chatted online so while I know where he moved to, I don’t know if he’s found love again.

[Anonymous]

Not in contact and don't think about them almost ever.

I googled him maybe 4 or 5 years ago out of curiosity and his job sounds about right for where he was headed when we were together. But I remember also realizing I didn't care that much? Sometimes I'll fall down a rabbit hole looking up someone I used to know, an old colleague or friend. With him I was like, "okay, that's my past." I don't even know where he lives now or how many kids he has.

I just realized while writing this that friend breakups are so much worse than romantic breakups. I don't think about my exes because I wound up with the right person, I have a kid with him, I don't spend time thinking about those relationships. With friends it's different. I've had two serious friend breakups in the last 30 years and I still think of those women with regularity. I know where they live and about significant events in their lives. I don't obsess about them but I will look them up at least twice a year or so, when I think of it. Whereas I have exes I dated for a substantial period of time whose last names I struggle to recall.

[Anonymous]

Is remarried with two kids

[Anonymous]

He committed a white collar crime that was prosecuted by the DOJ about 20 years ago which I found after Googling him. Had married a much younger woman and had a child. They divorced when he went to prison. He got out and seemed to be working in the same field, doing the same sports he always did; I would check out his FB every once in a while. Then pre-pandemic I saw he died of cancer. Not really surprised by any of it, including cancer, since he smoked and drank. We dated when very young and I had inklings he was dishonest, but surprised he ended up being as bad as he was.

[Anonymous]

He got his dream life, and is living in an incredible $8M house in my New England hometown. He had a regular Southern UMC background and made it really big in New York. Proud of him as I was there when he was just starting up. As others have mentioned, it’s less about the actual person, more that he was a part of a certain dreaming, unknowing, exciting time of my 20-something life. But he was not the right guy for me. Not in touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not in contact and don't think about them almost ever.

I googled him maybe 4 or 5 years ago out of curiosity and his job sounds about right for where he was headed when we were together. But I remember also realizing I didn't care that much? Sometimes I'll fall down a rabbit hole looking up someone I used to know, an old colleague or friend. With him I was like, "okay, that's my past." I don't even know where he lives now or how many kids he has.

I just realized while writing this that friend breakups are so much worse than romantic breakups. I don't think about my exes because I wound up with the right person, I have a kid with him, I don't spend time thinking about those relationships. With friends it's different. I've had two serious friend breakups in the last 30 years and I still think of those women with regularity. I know where they live and about significant events in their lives. I don't obsess about them but I will look them up at least twice a year or so, when I think of it. Whereas I have exes I dated for a substantial period of time whose last names I struggle to recall.

Interesting. I have no feelings for my exes, but am still hurt from a friend group that broke up years ago and I am much more curious about where they are now and what they're doing. I'd never admit to anyone that I'm still hurt and still care, because it was years ago and i have made better friends since then It's good to know I'm not alone.

[Anonymous]

Last I checked still living in my head rent-free

[Anonymous]

My goodness, quite a few on this thread have dead exes; it’s sobering.

[Anonymous]

She has the life I didn't want, which was main reason for finally break up. Dated for 2-3 year stints for the better part of 10 years.

Typically suburban massive community house over 20 miles outside of major city. They have a routine that they follow literally and figuratively. Husband is typical DB want to be frat bro that never grew up and was never a frat bro. Does MMA training a few times a week. They both have comfortable mid level, not great paying, management type careers. I call it the scripted life.

Would have been miserable for me had I stayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has the life I didn't want, which was main reason for finally break up. Dated for 2-3 year stints for the better part of 10 years.

Typically suburban massive community house over 20 miles outside of major city. They have a routine that they follow literally and figuratively. Husband is typical DB want to be frat bro that never grew up and was never a frat bro. Does MMA training a few times a week. They both have comfortable mid level, not great paying, management type careers. I call it the scripted life.

Would have been miserable for me had I stayed.

I posted on page 2 - this is also why I left my college boyfriend. I went down a rabbit hole at one point and realized that he's still hanging out with the same people he and I were hanging out with way back when. Which is not terrible, but they literally all moved to the same exurb - where none of them are from. We would both be miserable - likely divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She has the life I didn't want, which was main reason for finally break up. Dated for 2-3 year stints for the better part of 10 years.

Typically suburban massive community house over 20 miles outside of major city. They have a routine that they follow literally and figuratively. Husband is typical DB want to be frat bro that never grew up and was never a frat bro. Does MMA training a few times a week. They both have comfortable mid level, not great paying, management type careers. I call it the scripted life.

Would have been miserable for me had I stayed.

This is familiar. The major ex of most of my twenties also lives an hour outside of the city, is a major Cross Fit person, and his wife is now a SAHM in a non-walkable area, no doubt keeping his house spotlessly clean and getting dinner on the table every night.

I could have so easily been her and I feel so grateful to have my life (interesting work, live in the city, husband and two kids). We have no ill will, we are Facebook friends and he will give me a "thumbs up" on something about once a year. But we just didn't have the same idea of life, in the end.

[Anonymous]

We’re still friendly & he’s friends with my DH, but we live in different cities so we don’t see each other a ton. He’s a professor now and married to a really nice woman who looks a lot like me (and I looked a lot like his ex, so he definitely has a physical type). They never had kids and I wonder but don’t ask, because he definitely wanted them. He drinks a bit too much just like he always did.

I do wonder what out life would be like if I hadn’t broken up with him just in terms of the path not taken.

[Anonymous]

Passed away from cancer. His sister called to let me know. He had a terrific family. Weirdly enough, couple of other romantic interests have also passed away from cancer. I googled one dude maybe every 10 years. The last time what came up was an obituary.

[Anonymous]

He got married, got divorced, now married again with a kid. Career seems to be exactly what he wanted. We are not in touch but have mutual friends.

Still think well of him - we were too young and immature at the time but we're together for 4+ years, college and afterwards. Just very formative years.

[Anonymous]

Mine died, only mid-thirties.