Swim mom cliques

[Anonymous]

The parents at our pool whose kids swim the most clock time ( = 2 per day practices, most or all of both A and B meets) know each other best, and this thread is really a great gut check for me to make sure the newer or quieter folks don't feel shut out. Our team is a warm and welcoming place, with everyone screaming at the top of their lungs for the slowest swimmers and complimenting one another's kids' progress (including behind their backs). I've almost never heard an unkind word about anyone or anything, and I'm around A LOT. But this thread is also gut-checking me on whether I'm volunteering enough. I'm planning to up my game this year to make sure I give as much as I get. And I _love_ the idea of a parent wine-and-cheese reception. We DIY a lot of this sort of thing at work so I would know how to do it well at a controlled cost! Thanks, folks.

[Anonymous]

Volunteer volunteer!!!! You will make friends and will find your tribe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer volunteer!!!! You will make friends and will find your tribe.

Oh I’m volunteering. That is not the issue. Mean moms and cliques exist, even if I volunteer. They’re often volunteering too and you can’t escape them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do swim teams do social events for parents? Like wine and cheese mixers? I think if parents met on a more social level outside of swim team and got to know other parents better, there would be less cliques.

Our large NVSL team doesn't do separate parent events but we heavily advertise that the team socials and pep rallies are for families, not just the kids. We encourage adults to bring a beverage of choice and socialize while the kids take part in whatever is the pep rally event of the week. The overall pool does a lot of adult-only, kid-only and whole family events, though.

[Anonymous]

We are at a large pool. I am super involved with the team. Now I am wondering what the cliques are... I must have missed this part of swim. Do clerk of course... keeps you busy and don't have to deal with cliques.

[Anonymous]

Cliques definitely exist! I noticed that it’s the same ppl who talked to each other after school pickup and at all school events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer volunteer!!!! You will make friends and will find your tribe.

Oh I’m volunteering. That is not the issue. Mean moms and cliques exist, even if I volunteer. They’re often volunteering too and you can’t escape them.

I feel you. I am volunteering a lot more this year as I am trying to make a difference … however, there are families that have known each other for years and years. These families are also our team officials (mainly the mothers). They are not very friendly and they have turned meaner this year. It may be a generational issue as they are older, or maybe they are used to just working with each other. I feel like this is a replay of high school ….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer volunteer!!!! You will make friends and will find your tribe.

Oh I’m volunteering. That is not the issue. Mean moms and cliques exist, even if I volunteer. They’re often volunteering too and you can’t escape them.

I feel you. I am volunteering a lot more this year as I am trying to make a difference … however, there are families that have known each other for years and years. These families are also our team officials (mainly the mothers). They are not very friendly and they have turned meaner this year. It may be a generational issue as they are older, or maybe they are used to just working with each other. I feel like this is a replay of high school ….

Being an official is a thankless job.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t mean they have to be snooty though. Are you in McLean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer volunteer!!!! You will make friends and will find your tribe.

Oh I’m volunteering. That is not the issue. Mean moms and cliques exist, even if I volunteer. They’re often volunteering too and you can’t escape them.

I feel you. I am volunteering a lot more this year as I am trying to make a difference … however, there are families that have known each other for years and years. These families are also our team officials (mainly the mothers). They are not very friendly and they have turned meaner this year. It may be a generational issue as they are older, or maybe they are used to just working with each other. I feel like this is a replay of high school ….

Yes some Moms act this way. It's sad. I hope new and old swim parents try to be friendly towards each other. I also wish the moms who think they know it all or like to be in charge, would be kind and inclusive and not gossipy.

[Anonymous]

Our neighborhood is friendly and welcoming. Our swim team, however, is run by a group of women who have known each other for years. We appreciate their efforts, but they are very stern and come off as bossy and know it alls.

They make up their own rules and then they get upset when the rest of us —outside of their clique— don’t understand their made up rules.

I like it when NVSL officials are around, as they are very friendly and make sure we understand the rules. In contrast, our team reps, are rude and standoffish.

[Anonymous]

Some people just suck and some don't. Find other people...

Seriously though, I volunteer as an Official for both club swim and summer swim. I have met some of the nicest people through swim.

Our summer team does have mom cliques, but there are also a ton of nice parents outside of those cliques.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer volunteer!!!! You will make friends and will find your tribe.

Oh I’m volunteering. That is not the issue. Mean moms and cliques exist, even if I volunteer. They’re often volunteering too and you can’t escape them.

I ignore them....if they want to walk around and act better they can knock themselves out with it. I go for my kid who loves it-I volunteer-talk to the nice moms if any are there. Then I go home and forget about it until the next meet. When they talk condescending to me which they do to most people....I give it back. One time I said to one particularly snotty mom-if you want to do this I'm happy to leave. She put on her nice face and said no no we so appreciate your time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Volunteer volunteer!!!! You will make friends and will find your tribe.

Oh I’m volunteering. That is not the issue. Mean moms and cliques exist, even if I volunteer. They’re often volunteering too and you can’t escape them.

I feel you. I am volunteering a lot more this year as I am trying to make a difference … however, there are families that have known each other for years and years. These families are also our team officials (mainly the mothers). They are not very friendly and they have turned meaner this year. It may be a generational issue as they are older, or maybe they are used to just working with each other. I feel like this is a replay of high school ….

Haha....I can so relate! It's just laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people just suck and some don't. Find other people...

Seriously though, I volunteer as an Official for both club swim and summer swim. I have met some of the nicest people through swim.

Our summer team does have mom cliques, but there are also a ton of nice parents outside of those cliques.

This is good to hear. There are nice ones...but sadly they are not the majority on our summer team.