Teen boy, 17, no interest in a girlfriend

[Anonymous]

This thread is creepy af.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

What is infantilizing? Girls should also be asking for a boy's consent.

It's infantilizing to teach that a girl is incapable of saying "no" when she means "no".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

A friend’s son in MS was accused in school of “assault” by a girl because he touched her upper arm once while they were having a conversation in the lunchroom.

The girl went to a teacher and explained she had not consented to having her upper arm briefly touched, and per the recent consent training, didn’t that count as a sexual assault? The whole thing blew up at school; parents called, etc.

But the real damage followed when the kids went wild on social media on their phones, and they really did a number on the boy and his reputation. Good luck recovering from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's so weird how having morals has somehow become a liability in DC.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why are they weird or late bloomers if they don't have a bf/gf in HS? I know lots of college kids who have never really dated, either? I think many -not all- are waiting later. For whatever reason."

It's late or "weird" because it's out of sync with puberty. Puberty is a biological thing that happens during certain ages for the vast majority of people. Assuming a kid goes through puberty, they will develop physically and emotionally. An interest in their sexuality will develop. Most people figure out what to do with all these changes, while others are mortified by it and try to repress these feelings for a variety of reasons, some healthy and some not healthy. As a parent, you can help them by letting them know that these feelings are normal. You can guide them to dress and groom appropriately. You can model good interpersonal skills so that they can learn how to interact with people. Leaving your kid to figure out things on their own like buying her own bra, getting a decent haircut, learning to use deodorant and shower daily, and dressing in clothes that aren't a hot mess is just mean.

When you talk with adult men who didn't pursue relationships in high school it's always that they felt overwhelmed, confused, and completely unable to approach girls. Help your son develop some self-confidence and help them to see that girls are just people if your son is at an all-boys school.

It's not a a self confidence issue. My junior son is 6 feet, bright blue eyes, movie star perfect floppy hair, varsity athlete, A student, super outgoing. He was invited to the proms at Holton, Stone Ridge, and Visitation this spring by gorgeous girls.

that said, he spends all his time playing sports, hanging out with guys, sitting on the couch with me, etc. has no interest in dating or having a girlfriend. he has girls Snapping him 24/7. no dice.

+1 same with my sons.

FWIW, I didn't have a BF in HS or college...and I was popular--varsity athlete all 4-years, class officer, homecoming court, etc. I did have lots of great guy friends. My mom used to bug the crap out of me so I shut down even more and told her nothing. I then had guys swarming me from age 24 or so on. I had 2 semi-serious BFs, 1 casual BF and then met my current husband at 26--still married 26 years later.

So- I don't see anything wrong with it. My husband is much more obsessed with it--but he grew up in a working class, poor midwest neighborhood where people were banging in middle school and he had a very serious GF all 4 years---who is now on her 5th baby daddy...lol

[Anonymous]

No benefit to having a GF in 2024.

Way too many liabilities for the guy. Plus, there’s plenty of sex/hookups without the whole GF drama; that’s how everyone dates.

and everyone on social is honest about there being zero chance your HS romance survives going to college. Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

"Plus, there’s plenty of sex/hookups without the whole GF drama; that’s how everyone dates."

This is what's going on with that kid who watches TV with his mom. He's getting it without having to buy movie tickets.

I really don't know why anybody on here in 2024 would call what HS kids do dating. They hang out. They flirt in the hallways between classes. They skip class and grope each other in the bathroom. Even 20 years ago it was rare for a boy to drive up to a girl's house, knock on the door, speak with the parents, and have her home by 10.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and they have video sex in their bedrooms. They text each other pics of body parts. That's what replaced dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my almost 18 (in Sept) rising senior son is the same way. He's an athlete, attractive, gets asked by the popular girls to homecoming/formals/prom/etc. He's a good student, funny, etc. He's never had a girlfriend and seems to have no interest. Perhaps he's had isolated physical encounters with girls (i have no way of knowing) but it's certainly nothing regular or attached to any relationship.

I really don't think he looks at porn (more than very occasionally)---we still have it locked down at home and he goes to a school that doesn't allow phones at all during the 8am to 6pm school day and he drives directly to and from school). I mean, he could be surfing when he's away from the house on the weekends but I don't think so and if he is it's not for hours at a time. He's almost never alone in his room when he's home.

He's not gay (that I know of). And we would be fine with that--have never indicated anything through word or action or any part of our lives that we would bat an eye at this.

I think he's just a late bloomer in this regard. It's kind of odd when I think about it.

Both my kids are like this but Dh and I were also late bloomers so probably not surprising. The kids (and DH) also have ADHD which I'm told = a couple years delay in brain development so maybe that contributes to it. Both have told me they've been asked out but weren't interested, they just want friends at this point. I'm sure they'll eventually find the right person just like DH and I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No benefit to having a GF in 2024.

Way too many liabilities for the guy. Plus, there’s plenty of sex/hookups without the whole GF drama; that’s how everyone dates.

and everyone on social is honest about there being zero chance your HS romance survives going to college. Hard pass.

No benefit for the girl to have a boyfriend either!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's waiting for college. There aren't many smart girls at his high school who are available and drama-free. And he doesn't want to be tied to someone who might choose a different university.

He's actually pretty tired of hearing about other people's sex life and relationship issues. His friends aren't convincing him by example that high school relationships are worth it.

I was pretty desperate to start dating in high school to prove to myself that I was pretty enough and attractive enough. That got me 2.5 years of learning "what not to do in a relationship" with a Mr. Wrong. If I could do it over, I would have skipped my first two boyfriends. I could have used a village matchmaker!

You know ALL the girls in his high school so you can confidently state that they are ALL aren't "smart" or drama free? Oh right, " who are available" So in your eyes ( and his) that is only a small percentage?

Wow, your attitude towards girls has rubbed off on your son..."congrats?" I feel sorry for any future women in his life

Small school in MC neighborhood in flyover country. Very different from DMV. Yes, I have a pretty good knowledge of the girls in the top 10% of the class, because that's only about 20 girls and they are in all the same classes and ECs as my kid. And we've been in the district K-12 and I'm an active parent with the ECs. Most of those girls are dating up (going steady with college guys from class ahead). Some publicly identify as gay. My son has plenty of female friends and a platonic girl friend date to prom. He's just not looking to swashbuckle into the middle of anybody's relationship or sit waiting for a breakup so he can go on a few slightly more real dates before college. We don't need your sarcastic fake pity. Why don't you answer OP's question instead of attacking me?

If there are any bad girl geniuses or smart girls who aren't in honors classes in the district, they're probably not looking for a square like my kid, lol.

I thought the term flyover was an insult. Is this how you want to refer your home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also get messages from consent training. My son has mentioned several times that it's "gross" for seniors to date freshmen. That used to be unstigmatized in my generation. Even if it was rare.

Consent training for boys is really crucial (as is explicit consent, of course).

Fortunately consent training is commonplace now in the DMV and that’s a very positive development. Consent must be clear and completely unambiguous; there is zero room for error.

At the same, I feel as if some boys could possibly get the wrong message, and just conclude “why bother?”

What a weird mixed message for girls. It infantilizes them while everything else is shouting girl power and girl boss.

I don't know about you but some boys have been known to pressure girls to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes it is hard to stand up especiallt when you started something but they push it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Why are they weird or late bloomers if they don't have a bf/gf in HS? I know lots of college kids who have never really dated, either? I think many -not all- are waiting later. For whatever reason."

It's late or "weird" because it's out of sync with puberty. Puberty is a biological thing that happens during certain ages for the vast majority of people. Assuming a kid goes through puberty, they will develop physically and emotionally. An interest in their sexuality will develop. Most people figure out what to do with all these changes, while others are mortified by it and try to repress these feelings for a variety of reasons, some healthy and some not healthy. As a parent, you can help them by letting them know that these feelings are normal. You can guide them to dress and groom appropriately. You can model good interpersonal skills so that they can learn how to interact with people. Leaving your kid to figure out things on their own like buying her own bra, getting a decent haircut, learning to use deodorant and shower daily, and dressing in clothes that aren't a hot mess is just mean.

When you talk with adult men who didn't pursue relationships in high school it's always that they felt overwhelmed, confused, and completely unable to approach girls. Help your son develop some self-confidence and help them to see that girls are just people if your son is at an all-boys school.

It's not a a self confidence issue. My junior son is 6 feet, bright blue eyes, movie star perfect floppy hair, varsity athlete, A student, super outgoing. He was invited to the proms at Holton, Stone Ridge, and Visitation this spring by gorgeous girls.

that said, he spends all his time playing sports, hanging out with guys, sitting on the couch with me, etc. has no interest in dating or having a girlfriend. he has girls Snapping him 24/7. no dice.

I find it creepy how you describe your son. Ick factor is high

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's waiting for college. There aren't many smart girls at his high school who are available and drama-free. And he doesn't want to be tied to someone who might choose a different university.

He's actually pretty tired of hearing about other people's sex life and relationship issues. His friends aren't convincing him by example that high school relationships are worth it.

I was pretty desperate to start dating in high school to prove to myself that I was pretty enough and attractive enough. That got me 2.5 years of learning "what not to do in a relationship" with a Mr. Wrong. If I could do it over, I would have skipped my first two boyfriends. I could have used a village matchmaker!

You know ALL the girls in his high school so you can confidently state that they are ALL aren't "smart" or drama free? Oh right, " who are available" So in your eyes ( and his) that is only a small percentage?

Wow, your attitude towards girls has rubbed off on your son..."congrats?" I feel sorry for any future women in his life

Small school in MC neighborhood in flyover country. Very different from DMV. Yes, I have a pretty good knowledge of the girls in the top 10% of the class, because that's only about 20 girls and they are in all the same classes and ECs as my kid. And we've been in the district K-12 and I'm an active parent with the ECs. Most of those girls are dating up (going steady with college guys from class ahead). Some publicly identify as gay. My son has plenty of female friends and a platonic girl friend date to prom. He's just not looking to swashbuckle into the middle of anybody's relationship or sit waiting for a breakup so he can go on a few slightly more real dates before college. We don't need your sarcastic fake pity. Why don't you answer OP's question instead of attacking me?

If there are any bad girl geniuses or smart girls who aren't in honors classes in the district, they're probably not looking for a square like my kid, lol.

I thought the term flyover was an insult. Is this how you want to refer your home?

PP. "I kid because I love". I choose to be here and escaped DMV, but I can't resist parenting toxicity so I come to DCUM for small doses.

Flyover quickly explains that I don't live anywhere near most of you and your giant top-in-the-US public schools and elite private schools with politicians' kids. I'm a "W Cluster" escapee.

Most of the people I know locally wouldn't spend two minutes on a site like this. It wouldn't be relatable at all.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are self-conscious?