Did anyone here not make close friends in college despite living on/near campus all four years?

[Anonymous]

I transfered so that might have something to do with it but I also didn't find my tribe in college. I always had friends before college and found a couple friends that I am still close to during those college years but we met through summer jobs or summer abroad programs, they didn't go to the same college. I was lonely a lot in the college years, and had bad luck with my first roommate in the school I transferred to. she was not friendly. I did meet a nice group of people who I was friends with at that time but we have not stayed in touch since graduation, well maybe I did keep in touch with a couple for a few years after but it fizzled over time. I also had some undiagnosed depression during college so that made things tough for me. Looking back on it now I feel like I'm stronger than I give myself credit for after getting through those difficult times and ending up creating a nice enough life for myself. We are resilient!
That said, I hope my kids have a better and more connected college experience.

[Anonymous]

Yes- the main downside to transferring or doing a spring pathway/start is that the kids miss out on that the critical bonding time that happens in the fall of freshmen year. It is still possible to make friends later- but just not as easy as it would have been fall if freshmen year.

[Anonymous]

Yes. I met my husband at college and don't regret it one bit, but do not have a close clique of college friends. I'm actually still closer with my HS friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes- the main downside to transferring or doing a spring pathway/start is that the kids miss out on that the critical bonding time that happens in the fall of freshmen year. It is still possible to make friends later- but just not as easy as it would have been fall if freshmen year.

Same here. Transferred from a community college to an elite SLAC known for its "sense of community." Felt out of place as a full financial aid kid who came in my junior year. Don't talk to anyone from college at all.

[Anonymous]

I think there might be more without an ongoing clique of college friends than with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I went to one of the schools you listed in your post and also graduated in 90s I was OOS and knew no one. I ended up joining a sorority (the shame). I lived 1 year in dorm, 1 year in sorority house and 2 years in a group house with sorority sisters.

The people I still keep in touch with from college are from my sorority and some women who were in my freshmen dorm. None of them live in DMV, most live in big cities of the same state in which our college is located. They are the main reason I am still on Facebook. We don't do a girls trip or weekend (although we have tried, it just that kids' schedules kept getting in the way so we all kind of gave up).

Same. But instead of a sorority, I joined a club sports team my freshman year. And lucked out because those people were/are awesome (a least a core group of 6-10 of us). All spread over the country now but we get together almost annually and text as a group or one-on-one regularly.

I think there might be something to joining close-knit groups with a shared purpose rather than trying to just make friends? I have only two non-teammate friends from college who I still chat with regularly. I see them maybe once every handful of years.

OP here. I was in a similar situation as you but didn't make any friends. I refused to join a sorority (I'm definitely not the type at all, and I was turned off from sororities based off of the girls I met from freshman year who ended up rushing). I joined a club sport and spent ~6 to 8 hours/week in practices with them, and stuck with it for all four years. But I didn't make any friends through that.

Which is kind of crazy in retrospect. How did I spent almost 10 hours/week in a club sport but not socialize with any of them outside of practices and games?

Yes you should reflect on that. It's not crazy, but its not typical.

Not crazy. I participated in two choirs at one State U for freshman year. Didn't get to know anyone and can't remember anyone's name. Switched to a different State U and was in one choir for 1 year and met my husband and remember many people's names. Group dynamics are highly variable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there might be more without an ongoing clique of college friends than with.

What do you mean by this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there might be more without an ongoing clique of college friends than with.

What do you mean by this?

I think that poster means there are more PEOPLE without ongoing groups than with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there might be more without an ongoing clique of college friends than with.

What do you mean by this?

I think that poster means there are more PEOPLE without ongoing groups than with them.

+1 and I think they are right. I think people just don't realize how common this is because most people don't talk about the absence of a college friend group. Like someone with close friends from college is going to mention them, or they'll be around. My DH is like this. Still socializes with a number of friends from college, we went to all their weddings, see them regularly.

But I don't have a group like this and I don't think anyone notices because I don't walk around talking about it. If someone asked me directly "are you still in touch with friends from college" I'd answer "not really, one friend who lives somewhat nearby is an Instagram friend, but otherwise no." But I'm not going to bring it up otherwise. I have other friends, and like others, I am still in contact with a number of HS friends. I think my situation is common.