ILs pushing their religion on our family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are your beliefs? You make it sound like ILs are one religion and you're another. I always find these types of posts somewhat suspect, a troll starting a topic out of boredom due to the scarcity of details. Is your hypothetical DH really going to completely cut off his parents for proselytizing? This is pretty extreme and not to mention childish and selfish.

I would tell your hypothetical DH to suck it up, smile politely, and just change the topic.

I thought OP made it pretty clear. ILs pushing their religion on our family DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs.

OP I think your dh should be upfront. Tell them he is on the verge of cutting them off if they do not stop. After that follow his lead.

No, it's not clear. "Their religion" = what does that mean? Are they Southern Baptist and their son married a Jewish woman and is raising the kids Jewish? Or is it the ILs are devoutly Christian and the son and DIL are culturally Christian meaning they celebrate Christmas but otherwise don't go to church, meaning they have no real belief.

Why would you cut off your parents because they are religious and want to share their faith? Cutting off is pretty serious. What does it even mean? We are no longer talking? That's pretty drastic. I have different political views from my parents but I don't "cut" them off for it.

I find it fascinating that for some people on here the default response is to cut off family members even just for differing opinions. People who say that always strike me as the ones with the real problems, not the family members they're cutting off.

Exactly this. It’s ridiculous that people are advising that the OP and DH cut off parents over this.

[Anonymous]

Deal with it. They mean well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs are extremely religious. Every gift for the kids is religious based. DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs. They have started pushing more with texts, emails, books, videos and pulling DH or I aside that we need to find religion. DH is ready to completely cut them off since they can't seem to respect our beliefs. Is there any way to talk to someone like this? No matter how often we say no thank you, they keep pushing.

It’s a way to share and be together. People celebrate strangers’ religions. Think of the diversity religion activities that schools hold, ex. Diwali. Why not celebrate with your family?

Your husband probably feels they want to control him, that’s why he’s feeling resentful, but think about when your kids turn on you for teaching them to be rigid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ILs are extremely religious. Every gift for the kids is religious based. DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs. They have started pushing more with texts, emails, books, videos and pulling DH or I aside that we need to find religion. DH is ready to completely cut them off since they can't seem to respect our beliefs. Is there any way to talk to someone like this? No matter how often we say no thank you, they keep pushing.

It’s a way to share and be together. People celebrate strangers’ religions. Think of the diversity religion activities that schools hold, ex. Diwali. Why not celebrate with your family?

Your husband probably feels they want to control him, that’s why he’s feeling resentful, but think about when your kids turn on you for teaching them to be rigid.

The kids are already learning about being rigid from the ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d ignore all religious texts emails etc- completely ignore and not reply at all. They will eventually stop sending. If they bring it up with you in person, just say “Larla, Larlo, we have already been over this” and immediately change the subject. They will eventually stop asking you. Gray rock.

Let DH handle on his end however he wants- and follow his lead even if that means a cutoff.

The reason gray rocking doesn’t work as consistently with people like this is because most likely, one or more times a week, they’re gathering with a group of like minded people who encourage them to continue harassing their families to join the group. When I was a kid I was forced to go to evangelical churches. We’d have to share who we witnessed to that week at Sunday school. I’d usually make up scenarios and pretend I did the Lord’s because of the scorn we would receive if we weren’t pushy enough salespeople. Some of these groups are like MLMs with the constant unwanted messaging about how they can improve everyone’s life, and the tone deafness to the responses.

Also, if they’re true believers (whether it’s god, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or essential oils they believe in), if their faith says they must share the good news, then share they must. If they don’t share and no one is smote real hard, that allows some room for questions.

Furthermore, for everyone saying it’s a sign of love and that makes it ok, or that there’s no harm because what if they’re right-maybe they just saved your kids? It’s as much about control as it is love, and in many fundamentalist cultures it’s more about control than love. And who’s to say they’re picking the right religion to save my kids? There are so many choices on the menu, and I really don’t want anyone encouraging them to pick something with a side of misogyny or homophobia.

[Anonymous]

Let’s be clear here. The in laws are not coming from a place of love, they are coming from a place of indoctrination. Big difference.

Some religions really push evangelizing as a core principle. Churches in many of these religions are looking at their aging congregation and empty coffers with a heavier push to force the younger generation back in which isn’t being successful.

OP you can’t leave your children unsupervised with these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deal with it. They mean well.

What if their religious sect is one that includes snake handling or female circumcision? Those people mean well too. What if it includes scaring the children by telling them they’ll go to hell and suffer for eternity if they’re not baptized? Is that ok if they mean well? Or what if it’s just the good old fashioned women must be subservient to men teachings? Is there a line religion can cross making it inappropriate if it’s done with good intentions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ILs are extremely religious. Every gift for the kids is religious based. DH and I have always been respectful although we don't share the same beliefs. They have started pushing more with texts, emails, books, videos and pulling DH or I aside that we need to find religion. DH is ready to completely cut them off since they can't seem to respect our beliefs. Is there any way to talk to someone like this? No matter how often we say no thank you, they keep pushing.

They just want to save your soul and keep you from burning in Hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be clear here. The in laws are not coming from a place of love, they are coming from a place of indoctrination. Big difference.

Some religions really push evangelizing as a core principle. Churches in many of these religions are looking at their aging congregation and empty coffers with a heavier push to force the younger generation back in which isn’t being successful.

OP you can’t leave your children unsupervised with these people.

Dramatic much? Hardly think exposure to some wacky grandparents is going to lure kids into doing what grandma wants. My MIL was widowed and part of reinventing herself was becoming a vegan. She really believes it’s a better way to live. She won’t shut up about it. We politely listen while eating our hamburgers. People like this end up turning people off to their cause.

[Anonymous]

I cut off my brother after he cornered my kids alone and told them (confirmed Catholics) they were going to hell. He’s a Southern Baptist.

My older kid rolled his eyes inwardly, but it upset my younger one. Too far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be clear here. The in laws are not coming from a place of love, they are coming from a place of indoctrination. Big difference.

Some religions really push evangelizing as a core principle. Churches in many of these religions are looking at their aging congregation and empty coffers with a heavier push to force the younger generation back in which isn’t being successful.

OP you can’t leave your children unsupervised with these people.

Dramatic much? Hardly think exposure to some wacky grandparents is going to lure kids into doing what grandma wants. My MIL was widowed and part of reinventing herself was becoming a vegan. She really believes it’s a better way to live. She won’t shut up about it. We politely listen while eating our hamburgers. People like this end up turning people off to their cause.

It’s funny that you’re comparing religious indoctrination to being vegan, which includes an objectively healthier diet and is better for the environment. If anything, your MIL is living two of the highest principles I was taught when forced to attend church: to treat my body like a temple and to be a good steward to the earth, which was created by god. (Side note: It’s perplexing that most of the evangelicals I know treat vegans with disdain.) That’s not even getting into the animal cruelty that comes with eating meat at the scale we do in the US, or the food waste that happens while so many are hungry. So yeah, let’s talk about how silly vegans are and act like religious proselytizing is nbd.

[Anonymous]

Why would you cut off your parents because they are religious and want to share their faith?

OP said “push” not share.

Share: “I wear magic crystals. They have magic healing properties and grant eternal life.”

Push: “Wear these magic crystals. They have magic healing properties and grant eternal life. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals. Wear these magic crystals... ”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think so mom sure they really believe that you need to be saved
From a life of eternal dammation and that their religion will bring you not only salvation but true happiness. It
Comes from a place of love. And I don’t think they can likely help themselves

Honestly this is what I would think too.
From their point of view—they are “risking their relationship with you” because it is worth the risk of it means that you will be saved through knowing Jesus Christ as your savior. Even if YOU don’t believe this, it’s important for you to understand WHY the only kind and compassionate choice *from their perspective* is to NOT leave it alone.
Sure—from a worldly view, they absolutely should just live and let live. And to a non-believer that makes perfect sense bc who cares what religion you are!
But the point is, they DO care because they care about YOU! And to shrug and just let it go means (to them) that they need to just keep their mouths shut while you condemn yourselves and their grandchildren to an eternity of separation from God.

The point of my post is not to persuade you to accept Christ (because I don’t think that a random post on a message board will do that anyway)—-but rather to persuade you to at least consider the purity of their motives and have compassion for their predicament. Rationally, given their worldview, wouldn’t you agree that if they are believers who just “let it go”—-that would make them incredibly heartless and selfish??? Are they supposed to pretend it doesn’t matter to them or that they are indifferent about where you spend eternity? That would make your lives easier and more cordial while you are all together, and I get that….but it wouldn’t make them very loving for them to prioritize pleasantries and not offending you over your eternal salvation. (Again—this assumes that the motivation comes from a sincerely held belief that without Christ, your souls will perish. That’s a lot to ask a parent/grandparent to just shrug off)

Just a thought.

Would you say the same thing about a workplace? Would you continually harass co-workers to find salvation? Or would you realize that it is wildly inappropriate?

Now you have someone actively telling you to stop, but you wont? Because you "care" so much about them, but not what they want or ask?

Would I?
No.
Would I understand if someone else felt convicted to share the Gospel because they earnestly thought they had a higher obligation to fellow man than societal standards of MYOB, and in defiance of workplace policies and laws that prevent this?
Yeah—I could intellectually understand that some people rationalize that the call to be “fishers of men” require placing a higher value on salvation than on observing what is comfortable for others.

Let me be clear. I’m not condoning the In-laws (misguided) choice OR the fictitious hypothetical overzealous co-worker in your scenario. (And in the latter case, the co-worker who defies the workplace policy should and probably does lose his/her job over it.)

What I’m doing is attempting to make a case for compassionate analysis of their perspective. Why would in-laws do this if they know it risks alienating their children and grandchildren??? Likely the answer isn’t just “because they’re obnoxious and selfish!” Likely it’s because something more is driving them to share anyway—despite their children saying “we don’t wanna hear it!!”

That doesn’t have to mean that I think it’s the right thing to do—or that it IS the right thing to do. But if THEY think that it is their responsibility to do this thing in order to save me from peril, I’m going to look at their actions with a bit more compassion than annoyance.

+1 exactly.
This goes for most things.
If my in laws thought touching a frog and spinning around three times before going to bed every night was what was going to save my soul, how could I expect them not to try to convince me to do this? If they didn’t try, that would mean they either didn’t really believe that or they didn’t care what happened to me.

So bizarre. If their entire life is set around making you believe that frog spins is the cure to eternal life that's fine - for them. Once someone tells you to knock it off it is inappropriate to continue with the salvation. It becomes harassment.

I dont care what anyone believes for themselves, but when you start threatening my children that they will be sentenced to hell if they dont do their frog spins, they will no longer be allowed to be around my children. No matter what you believe, once "help" becomes "harassment" it needs to stop.

That’s all well and good for the time spent on this earth—but of it turns out they are right and frog spins end up holding the key to eternal salvation, I’d sure be glad they had convinced my daughter to do frog spins!
And if it was all bunk, then it’s all bunk, but she added frog spins to her list of skills. At least it’s not eternal damnation.
For some, the it’s worth the risk of offense.

No.
Clearly you are religious and buy this. Not everyone does, and OPs DH - the son of these people, father of the children - would like it to stop. So much that they are willing to go no contact over it. If grandparents dont smarten up, they will no longer be able to see the grandkids.

I suppose that's better, seeing as they will consider them sinners who will burn in hell

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s be clear here. The in laws are not coming from a place of love, they are coming from a place of indoctrination. Big difference.

Some religions really push evangelizing as a core principle. Churches in many of these religions are looking at their aging congregation and empty coffers with a heavier push to force the younger generation back in which isn’t being successful.

OP you can’t leave your children unsupervised with these people.

100%

[Anonymous]

That’s all well and good for the time spent on this earth—but of it turns out they are right and frog spins end up holding the key to eternal salvation, I’d sure be glad they had convinced my daughter to do frog spins!
And if it was all bunk, then it’s all bunk, but she added frog spins to her list of skills. At least it’s not eternal damnation.
For some, the it’s worth the risk of offense.

What if the key to eternal salvation is keeping your eternal salvation beliefs to yourself?

"That’s all well and good for the time spent on this earth—but of it turns out they are right and keeping eternal salvation beliefs to yourself end up holding the key to eternal salvation, I’d sure be glad they had convinced my daughter to keep eternal salvation beliefs to herself! And if it was all bunk, then it’s all bunk, but she added keeping eternal salvation beliefs to herself to her list of skills. At least it’s not eternal damnation. For some, the it’s worth the risk of offense."