Why do some women think it's acceptable to get engaged without a ring?

[Anonymous]

The diamond engagement ring exploded after DeBeers invested in a massive advertising campaign beginning in the late 1940s in America, which included product placement in many Hollywood films as well as television and print advertising.

Diamonds are actually a fairly common gemstone compared to rubies, emeralds, tanzanite, pearls, opals, sapphires, etc. Many diamonds are mined under horrific conditions and are known as blood diamonds.

Women who crave a diamond engagement ring above all are to my thinking pretty shallow human beings.

But then, I spent a summer when I was 18 years old working weddings at a very posh and popular wedding venue where I lived then on the coast of Maine, and by the end of the summer I'd lost count of the number of women I'd walked in on committing adultery IN THEIR WEDDING GOWNS, ON THEIR WEDDING DAY in one of the various storage closets in which we stored supplies for the events. I walked in on plenty of grooms doing the same - and yes, I knew the difference and I knew which guy in a tux was the groom and which was a groomsman.

As a teenager I was never one of those girls who pored over Bride magazine and all that crap, but that summer fixed any interest I had in flashy diamond rings and elaborate displays of 'love' and 'commitment'.

OP you are a foolish shallow woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may be wrong, you may be right. Depends on the circumstances. I do think that a lot of men have been sort of gaslighting (not the right word but something like it) women into thinking that wanting some material symbol of commitment is materialistic and high-maintenance. Meanwhile they're lusting after sports cars, ha. These women are being a little bit pick-me.

But some are just bucking tradition and have a strong sense of self-worth.

JFC to the bolded. They are being a picky me for NOT caring about rings?

+1 I think the poster meant “pick me” as in conscious social signaling to try to get guy to pick you over other girls. But it’s not like I was making (and him watching) TikToks about it before we went of a first date. To have an engagement ring or not, it is a private decision for the couple.

I'm the poster who mentioned that it can be pick-mes who are okay without a ring. I don't know what TikTok has to do with it? Having low standards significantly pre-dates Tiktok.

But anyway, I suspect that PP who was aghast at my comment doesn't know a lot of women without a strong sense of worth who convince themselves to be okay with very low standards from men. If a guy is making comments like "women are so materialistic" and "if you need a physical representation of my commitment that means you don't trust me" or stuff like that, then he is probably marrying someone with low standards and is a bit of a pick-me. There are all sorts of manifestations in something like this, like a woman being willing to play wife for a long time before getting married, a man refusing to put effort into vows, etc. And of course a fancy ring doesn't mean the guy will be a great husband, but a guy who is affronted at a woman's expectation of a ring is highly likely to be a bad husband.

Like I said, OP could be right about these people, and she could be wrong. I wanted a ring but my husband was a student and had very little income, so I basically bought it with my own money. I'm sure some people would think I was a fool for doing that.

[Anonymous]

Because I don't give a hoot about a ring?

[Anonymous]

I didn't want an engagement ring, but I got tired of fighting with my now husband over it. Our compromise was that I wouldn't be obligated to wear it every day, only special occasions. Married 20 years now and have probably worn in 20 times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always thought the engagement ring was a creepy tradition. Why is only the woman marked as taken but the man has nothing to signify he is engaged?

I don’t see it as creepy. I love being “taken”. Nothing wrong with that. And nothing wrong with those who don’t like a ring. We have a more traditional marriage. Not for everyone but works very well for us. We prioritize our marriage/relationship over everything else. Me wearing a ring isn’t for anyone else it is for us.

I would think that a man being with a woman wearing a ring would signify that he is also taken.

[Anonymous]

My parents, in laws and uncle/aunt all got engaged in conversation and without rings. My mom and MIL got rings after the fact, and my aunt never bothered- just an engagement ring. They’ve all been married for over 40 years, so…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents, in laws and uncle/aunt all got engaged in conversation and without rings. My mom and MIL got rings after the fact, and my aunt never bothered- just an engagement ring. They’ve all been married for over 40 years, so…

I mean just a wedding band*

[Anonymous]

Because I care about things other than jewelry, OP. I love clothes, but metal, not so much!

You seem extraordinarily narrow-minded. You think a ring is magically going to guarantee a happy marriage?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

You've got a looong way to go.

[Anonymous]

My DH proposed on the spur of the moment and didn't have a ring. I picked one out.... I even had to buy it as he didn't have credit at the time.

Married 36 years as of this week. We both wear our rings daily.

[Anonymous]

I love that my husband knows me well enough to know I didn't want or need a ring. I also love that we decided together to get married, because we are equal partners in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may be wrong, you may be right. Depends on the circumstances. I do think that a lot of men have been sort of gaslighting (not the right word but something like it) women into thinking that wanting some material symbol of commitment is materialistic and high-maintenance. Meanwhile they're lusting after sports cars, ha. These women are being a little bit pick-me.

But some are just bucking tradition and have a strong sense of self-worth.

JFC to the bolded. They are being a picky me for NOT caring about rings?

+1 I think the poster meant “pick me” as in conscious social signaling to try to get guy to pick you over other girls. But it’s not like I was making (and him watching) TikToks about it before we went of a first date. To have an engagement ring or not, it is a private decision for the couple.

I'm the poster who mentioned that it can be pick-mes who are okay without a ring. I don't know what TikTok has to do with it? Having low standards significantly pre-dates Tiktok.

But anyway, I suspect that PP who was aghast at my comment doesn't know a lot of women without a strong sense of worth who convince themselves to be okay with very low standards from men. If a guy is making comments like "women are so materialistic" and "if you need a physical representation of my commitment that means you don't trust me" or stuff like that, then he is probably marrying someone with low standards and is a bit of a pick-me. There are all sorts of manifestations in something like this, like a woman being willing to play wife for a long time before getting married, a man refusing to put effort into vows, etc. And of course a fancy ring doesn't mean the guy will be a great husband, but a guy who is affronted at a woman's expectation of a ring is highly likely to be a bad husband.

Like I said, OP could be right about these people, and she could be wrong. I wanted a ring but my husband was a student and had very little income, so I basically bought it with my own money. I'm sure some people would think I was a fool for doing that.

But a guy being affronted by a woman wanting (within reason) a ring is completely different from a woman just not wanting one. If a ring makes you feel good, feel pretty, that's great and (again, within reason) not inherently materialistic. So go forth. And those of us who don't like rings will go forth.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they are not materialistic.
Maybe they actually love their man.

[Anonymous]

Don’t be such a sheep, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn’t it sad that OP is so emotionally tied up in the idea that engagements should be inherently about a gender power imbalance?

Isn’t it great that ops sister and her husband were equal partners in their decision to get married?

Op get a life.

It’s actually about a power balance. Having to work and come up with a ring indicates he’ll work and support his family while his wife endures the ordeal of childbirth, etc. Your brand of feminism has ruined women’s lives. Women aren’t men.

I got engaged via a conversation with my DH where we decided we wanted to get married. No proposal. I decided I liked the symbolism of a ring so we bought one together a few months later, a very simple band with a small diamond because I didn't want to spend a lot of money when we were saving for a house. My DH would have bought me something more expensive, but I worried if we got a larger ring I wouldn't wear it every day, and I wanted something to remind me of him every day.

When I had a baby, my DH supported our family for 3 years while I stayed home.

My "brand" of feminism involves talking and treating each other with mutual respect, making joint decisions in which both people's priorities are considered and respected. Not blindly following traditions with the assumption that men must be entrapped into doing the right thing, and women are helpless and passive.

But you do you. I don't care one way or another what other couples do when they decide to get married, as long as everyone is consenting.

You are proving my point. Your husband would have gotten you a nice ring had you wanted that. Subsequently, he proved to be a good husband. There is a big difference between your situation and what is often happening now, which is that the woman has to be the man and the woman financially while the man is a perpetual child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you don't need a ring to get engaged and some people would rather spend their money on something that doesn't lose the vast majority of its value the instant you hand over your credit card.

Also because not everyone is as old fashioned as you - the idea of having to put a down payment on your future wife is so misogynistic.

LOL!