They say they are okay with FWB then want more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.

The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…

Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?

There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!

Doesn't everyone who sees a potential relationship gives it a shot?

Men don’t think like this. Many are happy to get sex from anonymous randos. The women could be nice and normal and relationship-worthy but if they are not looking for a relationship they are perfectly content to keep it to a FWB situation.

Except OP doesn’t want sex with randos - he wants to freeze in time a status quo with someone he knows and trusts - no growth, no shifting or changing. Nothing’s forever, including many marriages. OP - 6 months seems to be a good run for what you’re looking for

Agreed that OP is confused. I happen to agree with the PP that there some women who may want the same thing…but the majority are not.

He really should target divorcees or busy mothers who aren’t looking to marry again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.

The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…

Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?

There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!

Doesn't everyone who sees a potential relationship gives it a shot?

Men don’t think like this. Many are happy to get sex from anonymous randos. The women could be nice and normal and relationship-worthy but if they are not looking for a relationship they are perfectly content to keep it to a FWB situation.

People who don't look for relationships don't see relationship potential, people who are looking for relationships do. Both men and women look for relationships at least at some point in their lives, even if some are more open to casual sex than others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.

The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…

Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?

There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!

Doesn't everyone who sees a potential relationship gives it a shot?

Men don’t think like this. Many are happy to get sex from anonymous randos. The women could be nice and normal and relationship-worthy but if they are not looking for a relationship they are perfectly content to keep it to a FWB situation.

People who don't look for relationships don't see relationship potential, people who are looking for relationships do. Both men and women look for relationships at least at some point in their lives, even if some are more open to casual sex than others.

What people want also changes. OP x fwbs may have enjoyed the scenario until they didn’t - doesn’t mean they were lying to him initially.

OP / maybe you should look for f@&k buddies instead. No frienddhips

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.

The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…

Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?

There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!

Doesn't everyone who sees a potential relationship gives it a shot?

No, this is not true. It is not even true for women. Just because there could be a potential relationship, that does not mean they want to try that. Many people have various points in their lives in which they do not want a relationship—even when the potential is there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.

The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…

Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?

There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!

Doesn't everyone who sees a potential relationship gives it a shot?

Men don’t think like this. Many are happy to get sex from anonymous randos. The women could be nice and normal and relationship-worthy but if they are not looking for a relationship they are perfectly content to keep it to a FWB situation.

Except OP doesn’t want sex with randos - he wants to freeze in time a status quo with someone he knows and trusts - no growth, no shifting or changing. Nothing’s forever, including many marriages. OP - 6 months seems to be a good run for what you’re looking for

Most people, men and women included can’t have sex without emotion long term.

Some men and women can. Truly those people have emotions to sort out post pain and trauma/divorce. Rare the meetup two people “I’m too busy I don’t care and just want long time sex” without any emotion. 6 months is that cut off. Who wants years of sex and no talking? No one really wants that.

I also think OP is treating them like GFs and saying it’s being decent. Texting and calling over any meetups is too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will date you, OP! I am in the same boat.

Like most women, you will catch feelings and eventually ask for more.

Not PP. But I'm a woman, and before I was married I had constant problems with male FWBs catching feelings and asking for more. I think of men as being the ones that catch feelings and get clingy.

[Anonymous]

You have to make yourself someone who is great to have sex with but not fun to hang out with. It's the hanging out and doing things together or chatting or whatever that might make someone think this could be a relationship instead of FWB.

Don't be mean to her, just don't be fun either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to make yourself someone who is great to have sex with but not fun to hang out with. It's the hanging out and doing things together or chatting or whatever that might make someone think this could be a relationship instead of FWB.

Don't be mean to her, just don't be fun either.

My dirtball friend used to pick women he generally didn’t like so he knew he would never fall for them. He would act interested enough to bang them. He said it would get awkward always because they’d start wanting more, outside of the original “no strings” situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women don’t want to be used.

This. FWB only benefits the man. Free sex without having to put in any work or spend any real money. Hard pass.

Yes. It's like a woman complaining that sugar daddies on Ashley Madison always demand sex.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you want to date a married person?

[Anonymous]

A fair number of married people do not get the physical attention you are offering. They are emotionally frustrated. They are looking for simple enjoyment or stress release, similar to what you describe. They also have disincentives to forge serious “second relationships.” If you can create an agreement in writing that may work for you.

[Anonymous]

You should go for married women looking for affairs...you'll get the passion, intimacy, and ongoing steady relationship you seem to want... but most of them would not actually want to leave their marriages (if you screen out the ones who are obviously in miserable or abusive situations).

[Anonymous]

Well for one you should assume everyone from 34-42 who doesn’t have them wants a kid and husband. Wasting their time is cruel so do not date them. 44+ and 25-33 year olds are more your jam the younger set if you are more generous the older set if you expect a woman of means

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to make yourself someone who is great to have sex with but not fun to hang out with. It's the hanging out and doing things together or chatting or whatever that might make someone think this could be a relationship instead of FWB.

Don't be mean to her, just don't be fun either.

This! Also one word or one letter responses are your friend. Especially after long emotional texts.


K

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will date you, OP! I am in the same boat.

Like most women, you will catch feelings and eventually ask for more.

Not PP. But I'm a woman, and before I was married I had constant problems with male FWBs catching feelings and asking for more. I think of men as being the ones that catch feelings and get clingy.

+1