They say they are okay with FWB then want more

[Anonymous]

Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.

The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…

Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?

[Anonymous]

I will date you, OP! I am in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.

The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…

Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?

There are fundamental differences between men and women when it comes to causal relationships in my opinion. Women are emotional creature. If they see a potential relationship out of a causal hookup they will give it a shot!

[Anonymous]

Sex releases bonding hormones. It’s just biology, and it’s difficult to override.

The women who are best suited for NSA are 40-somethings who are completely over men and their garbage. But those women probably aren’t hanging around Tinder.

[Anonymous]

You say these were FWB but were you sexually exclusive (and wanting to be) when in them?

[Anonymous]

Women lie. Point blank.

The married women and single women claim they want these no-strings/FWB because they appear like “cool girls”, low maintenance blah blah…

Then if you keep hitting it long enough they want a future with you. The pressure starts being turned on. They assume they can change your mind and that once you get a taste of them you will be hooked.

99.999% of these situations never work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women lie. Point blank.

The married women and single women claim they want these no-strings/FWB because they appear like “cool girls”, low maintenance blah blah…

Then if you keep hitting it long enough they want a future with you. The pressure starts being turned on. They assume they can change your mind and that once you get a taste of them you will be hooked.

99.999% of these situations never work out.

The married ones are secretly looking for exit affairs. Those ones are looking to blow up

[Anonymous]

FWB relationships have a shelf life because inevitably someone gets attached. No one is lying. It just happens.

[Anonymous]

I think that an ongoing FWB situation could only work if there's an external impediment to the relationship turning into a regular one. My family member has been sleeping with someone for over 10 years. He's a Trumper and lives on his parent's land in a crappy little cabin. She has multiple kids living at home and is a die-hard Dem. They could never be together in "real life" so that makes it possible for neither of them to start wanting more. In most situations, the only thing stopping the relationship from developing along a natural path that leads to commitment and deeper feelings is a notion in one of the people's heads. The other partner can therefore hope to change your mind if they begin to want more. If you were married, then that would also be a way to ensure that things couldn't develop further.

I don't think it has anything to do with genders. It's just that engaging in the behaviors that are typically reserved for romantic partners will cause someone's feelings to align with that. And it's usually the men who are asking for the FWB situation, not the women seeking relationships.

[Anonymous]

I don't think there's an algorithm, but for most people, FWB sounds better than it ends up being. Theoretically, I want a FWB, but I know if I had one, I would end up feeling bad about myself. And 6 months sounds about right for that to kick in.

[Anonymous]

Be clearer about boundaries. Don't let it slip into looking like a relationship. Don't get together too frequently. Don't be calling or texting all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWB relationships have a shelf life because inevitably someone gets attached. No one is lying. It just happens.

This is so true. I was a consultant and always on the road so a FWB was the ideal relationship. But after six months or so one person gets attached. I had two FWB and I married the second one.

[Anonymous]

Most people get attached. Then they either preemptively end it (because emotionally they want more even if logically they don't). Or they try to make it more.

Actually, seems like you were attached because otherwise you wouldn't have cared about ending it. Maybe try finding someone who doesn't want to marry, live together, or combine finances but wants the longterm companionship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do I keep attracting women who want a serious relationship? I am 47, divorced, 2 kids and so far I have had to end 3 relationships that started as friend with benefits on OLD. They were 33, 39 and 48 and each relationship ended about 6 months after it started. I make it very clear from the start that I don’t want any more kids, I don’t want to remarry, I don’t want to live together, I just want us to hookup as needed. Yet each one was okay with this but slowly starting asking for more.

The only thing I can see is the issue is that while they were FWB relationships I nevertheless treated them with respect. I call them, text them, etc. To me that’s basic human relationship. Yes I am passionate person, I hate interesting hobbies, I am a people person so perhaps I could be sending the wrong vibe…

Is there some kind of “algorithm” to find those women who don’t end up wanting more after initially agreeing to a purely sexual relationship?

You act like a boyfriend, women will start to look at and want you as a boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

OP - have you asked them? Also - the common factor is YOU - have you looked at your own patterns? Are you being honest about what you want? Are you being manipulative? Inconsistent with words and actions (saying you only want FWB and then acting like a boyfriend? Developing intimacy)?