PSA Don’t give gifts that require parent to do most of activity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My worst gift was when MIL sent us TWO gingerbread house kits for xmas, one for each kid!

?? I helped glue it together but my 5 and 7 year old decorated theirs completely. We do it together every year and it’s a lot of fun. You can always hot glue them if you want easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid whining and crying for us to sew with her, do this science experiment and do a rainbow loom with a million tiny rubber bands. Ugh.

Your kid is excited about something and wants to share it with you. And you're annoyed. Wow.

DP

Actually, I'm trying to foster autonomy and these kits encourage DEPENDENCE, which is exactly the opposite of what I want. We do plenty together which usually involves being outside having shared experiences. I agree with OP - too much parental dependence, too much mess, too any tiny intricate parts that break easily or never work. Just give her a football, jump rope, Lego, doll, books, something she can do on her own, or nothing.

Do the "shared outdoor experiences" you value involve training your kid in sports?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid whining and crying for us to sew with her, do this science experiment and do a rainbow loom with a million tiny rubber bands. Ugh.

Your kid is excited about something and wants to share it with you. And you're annoyed. Wow.

DP

Actually, I'm trying to foster autonomy and these kits encourage DEPENDENCE, which is exactly the opposite of what I want. We do plenty together which usually involves being outside having shared experiences. I agree with OP - too much parental dependence, too much mess, too any tiny intricate parts that break easily or never work. Just give her a football, jump rope, Lego, doll, books, something she can do on her own, or nothing.

Do the "shared outdoor experiences" you value involve training your kid in sports?

OP here. I love outdoor experiences and sporting gear.

The sewing gift ended up being a big hit at the end. My husband sewed this thing for over an hour. Every part that my 6 year old sewed, he had to basically redo. A toy that requires an adult to sew multiple different pieces together for over an hour is not something a 6 year old can do on her own.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kid whining and crying for us to sew with her, do this science experiment and do a rainbow loom with a million tiny rubber bands. Ugh.[/quote]

Your kid is excited about something and wants to share it with you. And you're annoyed. Wow.[/quote]

DP

Actually, I'm trying to foster autonomy and these kits encourage DEPENDENCE, which is exactly the opposite of what I want. We do plenty together which usually involves being outside having shared experiences. I agree with OP - too much parental dependence, too much mess, too any tiny intricate parts that break easily or never work. Just give her a football, jump rope, Lego, doll, books, something she can do on her own, or nothing. [/quote]

DP. Nice narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid whining and crying for us to sew with her, do this science experiment and do a rainbow loom with a million tiny rubber bands. Ugh.

Your kid is excited about something and wants to share it with you. And you're annoyed. Wow.

DP

Actually, I'm trying to foster autonomy and these kits encourage DEPENDENCE, which is exactly the opposite of what I want. We do plenty together which usually involves being outside having shared experiences. I agree with OP - too much parental dependence, too much mess, too any tiny intricate parts that break easily or never work. Just give her a football, jump rope, Lego, doll, books, something she can do on her own, or nothing.

Do the "shared outdoor experiences" you value involve training your kid in sports?

OP here. I love outdoor experiences and sporting gear.

The sewing gift ended up being a big hit at the end. My husband sewed this thing for over an hour. Every part that my 6 year old sewed, he had to basically redo. A toy that requires an adult to sew multiple different pieces together for over an hour is not something a 6 year old can do on her own.

You said yourself it was a big hit. Your daughter enjoyed time with her father. Take a breath. This is parenting. Maybe you should have stopped after your “older kids” if stuff like this is going to trigger you so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid whining and crying for us to sew with her, do this science experiment and do a rainbow loom with a million tiny rubber bands. Ugh.

Your kid is excited about something and wants to share it with you. And you're annoyed. Wow.

DP

Actually, I'm trying to foster autonomy and these kits encourage DEPENDENCE, which is exactly the opposite of what I want. We do plenty together which usually involves being outside having shared experiences. I agree with OP - too much parental dependence, too much mess, too any tiny intricate parts that break easily or never work. Just give her a football, jump rope, Lego, doll, books, something she can do on her own, or nothing.

Do the "shared outdoor experiences" you value involve training your kid in sports?

OP here. I love outdoor experiences and sporting gear.

The sewing gift ended up being a big hit at the end. My husband sewed this thing for over an hour. Every part that my 6 year old sewed, he had to basically redo. A toy that requires an adult to sew multiple different pieces together for over an hour is not something a 6 year old can do on her own.

You said yourself it was a big hit. Your daughter enjoyed time with her father. Take a breath. This is parenting. Maybe you should have stopped after your “older kids” if stuff like this is going to trigger you so much.

I want to link the bad gift but in the very tiny chance that the gift giver is on DCUM, I won’t.

My oldest child is now 14. I have thrown a birthday party every year for every kid. We have received lots of gifts both good and bad over the past decade.

This sewing gift was the single worst gift we have ever received. Plenty of toys that have never been opened or played with. No gift, fine. Just a card, great.

[Anonymous]

The reason I say the gift is bad is because the child can not do any part of the activity. The sewing project had multiple patterns that needed to be sewn together with multiple other decorative pieces also sewn. It is just age inappropriate. I guess it would be ok for a kid age 10 and up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason I say the gift is bad is because the child can not do any part of the activity. The sewing project had multiple patterns that needed to be sewn together with multiple other decorative pieces also sewn. It is just age inappropriate. I guess it would be ok for a kid age 10 and up.

You said your daughter DID sew some of it, but your husband re-did those parts. Maybe you are perfectionists who don’t understand that the point of a craft project is not to produce a perfect craft?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid whining and crying for us to sew with her, do this science experiment and do a rainbow loom with a million tiny rubber bands. Ugh.

Your kid is excited about something and wants to share it with you. And you're annoyed. Wow.

This reminds me of a scene in the office in which Roy tells Jim he’s glad that Pam has him as a friend at work because then when she gets home she’s not blabbing to him all night… and Jim says something like “yeah, I like talking to her, too”

[Anonymous]

We loved these! But I was a very hands on parent. Sounds like the givers think too highly of your parenting. Let them know they are wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason I say the gift is bad is because the child can not do any part of the activity. The sewing project had multiple patterns that needed to be sewn together with multiple other decorative pieces also sewn. It is just age inappropriate. I guess it would be ok for a kid age 10 and up.

You said your daughter DID sew some of it, but your husband re-did those parts. Maybe you are perfectionists who don’t understand that the point of a craft project is not to produce a perfect craft?

I mentioned before but I have gifted and received fine motor threading type gifts before. My oldest is 14.

The pattern holes were too small for a 6 year old. This was an adult sewing project to sew together a toy. This was not and cannot be done by a small child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The reason I say the gift is bad is because the child can not do any part of the activity. The sewing project had multiple patterns that needed to be sewn together with multiple other decorative pieces also sewn. It is just age inappropriate. I guess it would be ok for a kid age 10 and up.

You said your daughter DID sew some of it, but your husband re-did those parts. Maybe you are perfectionists who don’t understand that the point of a craft project is not to produce a perfect craft?

I mentioned before but I have gifted and received fine motor threading type gifts before. My oldest is 14.

The pattern holes were too small for a 6 year old. This was an adult sewing project to sew together a toy. This was not and cannot be done by a small child.

Just make a registry next time, Your Highness.

[Anonymous]

I feel like the larger takeaway here is try not to give kids activity gifts that are well above their ability level. I think sometimes people don't pay attention to age guidelines on crafting-type toys, or see them and think "close enough." It would be nice if people would actually look at the toy and ask themselves "does this seem like a good idea for the kid in question?"

Of course, this requires you to know the kid well enough to make that assessment. But if I don't know the kid that well, I'm even more likely to err on the safe side and get something that feels pretty universally appropriate for whatever the age is. There are lots of gifts that don't require any assembly or fine motor skills or ability to follow directions. Like most make-believe toys (dress up supplies, dolls, action figures, make believe activity kits) are broadly accessible. So are more general crafting supplies (a paint set, one of those deluxe crayon or marker kits, a craft kit with craft paper and google eyes and felt and glue and safety scissors). Most of the gifts we give fall in one of those categories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid recently had a birthday party and half the gifts require parent to participate for the entire activity.

Why can’t people just gift a regular toy???

Lazy and uninvolved parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid recently had a birthday party and half the gifts require parent to participate for the entire activity.

Why can’t people just gift a regular toy???

Lazy and uninvolved parenting.

I don’t even know why I am still responding. I am very involved and definitely not lazy. I opened and started the sewing project. We opened and finished the science project. And I hid the rainbow loom. She must not have wanted to do it that badly because she hasn’t mentioned it since.

It took her surgeon father over an hour to sew this toy with a million pieces and horrible directions. This was not an age appropriate toy. Yes, a guy who operates on humans can sew a toy together. I was actually very impressed with how my husband sewed this toy together after I and my older child tried, failed and gave up.