I have boys. Will I ever see them when I'm older?

[Anonymous]

My brother and his wife just bought a retirement home close to my mom.

[Anonymous]

I'm still in the early teen years, but... I started to notice DH becoming more of the default parent for DS as DS needed less of the little kid parenting stuff. So i have stepped up and gone out of my way to do more with him. Connecting on the things we have in common and taking him places 1-1. It gives us time to talk.

A boy may not automatically run to mom for parenting as a young adult, but I want us to always have our relationship with our activities and talks. Build the relationship from a young age. And yes, fully accept and welcome the daughter in law from the beginning.

[Anonymous]

Eh I don’t need to see my grown kids all the time. Happier they all launched successfully with their own families.

[Anonymous]

What are you and your husband modeling for your children?

Does DH pick up the phone and call his parents?
Does DH pick up the phone and make plans with his parents, and invite them to do things?
Does DH pick up the phone and send kid pics?
Does DH send flowers, cards, gifts to his family?

Or are you doing all these things, or are both of you not doing any of those things?

So you model, so it shall be done.

And by the way, are you raising your children in a household where it is safe, OK, normal, and fine to be gay, to be single, to never get married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This worries me and somedays I pray my son is gay. I see all around it's all about what the DIL wants they have access to manipulate and influence relations.

It's so sad

Yeah, ngl this is sadly true. Women are awful, unless they’re your mom, daughter, or spouse. And if you have more than one of those three… they will—more often than not—drive a wedge between relationships with other women.


Gay son=happier mom and daughters. No wife to drive a wedge.

I honestly hate saying this, because it is misogynistic but sadly it’s the truth =/

It’s true for you, maybe. That’s not how it is, at all, in my family, my husband’s family, my sister’s family, all of my male and female cousins’ families, my brother’s family, or my friends’ families. I can name one acquaintance of mine who is a female who has a bad relationship with her ILs, and that is largely because they are literally alcoholics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This worries me and somedays I pray my son is gay. I see all around it's all about what the DIL wants they have access to manipulate and influence relations.

It's so sad

Yeah, ngl this is sadly true. Women are awful, unless they’re your mom, daughter, or spouse. And if you have more than one of those three… they will—more often than not—drive a wedge between relationships with other women.


Gay son=happier mom and daughters. No wife to drive a wedge.

I honestly hate saying this, because it is misogynistic but sadly it’s the truth =/

It’s true for you, maybe. That’s not how it is, at all, in my family, my husband’s family, my sister’s family, all of my male and female cousins’ families, my brother’s family, or my friends’ families. I can name one acquaintance of mine who is a female who has a bad relationship with her ILs, and that is largely because they are literally alcoholics.

Agreed, what a sad take. I loved my MIL and was so excited to marry into her family. I'm not anywhere near as close to my 3 SILs as my husband (their brother), but I really like and respect them all.

The "difficult" women who frustrate everyone in my family do it to in-laws and blood relatives alike. It's not the relationship that's the problem, it's the personality.

[Anonymous]

I loved my MIL, may she rest in peace. I made more effort to see my MIL & FIL than my DH (their son!). Not because he wasn’t loving, but because he had a lot of work, they lived far away, it was a conscious effort etc. But I truly considered them like parents. We come from a culture where family is a priority so that helps. Also MIL and FIL always treated me like a daughter. That helped too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I loved my MIL, may she rest in peace. I made more effort to see my MIL & FIL than my DH (their son!). Not because he wasn’t loving, but because he had a lot of work, they lived far away, it was a conscious effort etc. But I truly considered them like parents. We come from a culture where family is a priority so that helps. Also MIL and FIL always treated me like a daughter. That helped too!

Same here (I'm the PP above you!), but this is also what makes me nervous about just having sons. I was also the DIL who did more work to get us together with DH's family. I can't count on having a DIL or SIL who will do that if and when my sons get "too busy."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uber driver just talked at me for 20 mins about how she never sees any of her 4 sons bc they prioritize their wives families. I already have 'not having a third kid' regret and now I'm worried I'll never see them. urgh. moms of older boys - is this true?

"your son is your son till he takes a wife but your daughter is your daughter all your life.". There is a lot of truth to this.

Because men make no effort. Lets be real why this is.

[Anonymous]

I think PPs who say model those relationships with your own in laws are spot on. If DS sees you discount your MIL, speak badly about her, resist spending time with her, etc., he will think that’s normal if his future wife does the same to you. I’ve seen this cycle in families, unfortunately. But the opposite is also true. If DS sees you caring for your MIL and making an effort to have a good relationship, speaking kindly about her, he’ll expect the same behavior from any woman he marries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I loved my MIL, may she rest in peace. I made more effort to see my MIL & FIL than my DH (their son!). Not because he wasn’t loving, but because he had a lot of work, they lived far away, it was a conscious effort etc. But I truly considered them like parents. We come from a culture where family is a priority so that helps. Also MIL and FIL always treated me like a daughter. That helped too!

Same here (I'm the PP above you!), but this is also what makes me nervous about just having sons. I was also the DIL who did more work to get us together with DH's family. I can't count on having a DIL or SIL who will do that if and when my sons get "too busy."

I think you have some control over that though- which is good! If you treat your DIL’s with love, hopefully they will want that relationship with you & will seek you out too!

[Anonymous]

My brother married a psychotic possessive woman and we never see them. They also treat my parents like dirt. They are setting themselves up for their son to do the same and I am sure he will. These cycles repeat.

[Anonymous]

You should definitely believe everything every random person says to you ever about every single thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh I don’t need to see my grown kids all the time. Happier they all launched successfully with their own families.

Bless you! This is the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My uber driver just talked at me for 20 mins about how she never sees any of her 4 sons bc they prioritize their wives families. I already have 'not having a third kid' regret and now I'm worried I'll never see them. urgh. moms of older boys - is this true?

"your son is your son till he takes a wife but your daughter is your daughter all your life.". There is a lot of truth to this.

Because men make no effort. Lets be real why this is.

Because both mothers and sons have raised their children with the modeled example that men make no effort when it comes to families. Let's be real with THAT, and let's change it--as some of us are already actively doing.