Why doesn’t DD have a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 yo DD occasionally brings up the fact that she hasn’t had a boyfriend, first kiss, or any romantic experience yet. My 15 yo DD has had quite a few “romantic experiences”- boyfriends, kids who have had crushes on her in the past, etc. 16 yo is extremely pretty and people (relatives, kids at school, other adults) often tell her this. 15 yo is not “objectively” pretty, so why is it that she is more “advanced” in the romance department?

Don’t take this the wrong way. They are both great kids and I have no problem with the fact that 16 yo doesn’t have romantic experiences (obviously)!!

How many guys has she asked out? Is she flirty?

None! I get the feeling she expects them to ask her out.

Fwiw, I have a 15 yo son. I get the sense that girls are more “advanced” in this area - meaning, they talk to their friends about boys, they develop crushes, they decide amongst themselves who should pursue which boy. My son has been in the “talking”/very early dating stage with 3 girls and they all approached him first.

And by “pursue,” “approach” I don’t mean that they asked him out. I mean that their friends approached my sons’ friends feeling them out to see if there was any interest. If so, he was expected to take it from there with some hand holding on both sides.

This. It’s very group oriented at first. If your DD is interested in dating or having a bf, her friends need to help her out. The friend groups often basically arrange these early relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 16 yo DD occasionally brings up the fact that she hasn’t had a boyfriend, first kiss, or any romantic experience yet. My 15 yo DD has had quite a few “romantic experiences”- boyfriends, kids who have had crushes on her in the past, etc. 16 yo is extremely pretty and people (relatives, kids at school, other adults) often tell her this. 15 yo is not “objectively” pretty, so why is it that she is more “advanced” in the romance department?

Don’t take this the wrong way. They are both great kids and I have no problem with the fact that 16 yo doesn’t have romantic experiences (obviously)!!

How many guys has she asked out? Is she flirty?

None! I get the feeling she expects them to ask her out.

Fwiw, I have a 15 yo son. I get the sense that girls are more “advanced” in this area - meaning, they talk to their friends about boys, they develop crushes, they decide amongst themselves who should pursue which boy. My son has been in the “talking”/very early dating stage with 3 girls and they all approached him first.

And by “pursue,” “approach” I don’t mean that they asked him out. I mean that their friends approached my sons’ friends feeling them out to see if there was any interest. If so, he was expected to take it from there with some hand holding on both sides.

Agree with this. I have boy/girl twins who are 17. Both are social kids with strong friend groups. My son had two pseudo "girlfriends" at 14/15 because the girls pursued him (they were super outgoing girls who started texting or snapping him, etc.) He really didn't know which end was up at the time and I don't think would have ever initiated things on Snap or by text. Interestingly, now that he's older he's less interested in girls, or at least in any sort of girlfriend relationship (and before you all jump on me--I'm not naïve enough to think that I know everything he does but he definitely does not have a girlfriend).

In contrast, his twin 17 year old sister has had no romantic relationships. It's not for lack of wanting one. But i agree with the poster who said she's "too pretty for some boys and not pretty enough for others". There are definitely girls who get caught in this middle ground during high school. I expect it will all fix itself later on as everyone matures. At this stage in the game, the popular boys all want the same few "hot girls" and the rest think the pretty but not "hot" girls are out of their league or they also just pursue the few hot girls. The girls (like my daughter) probably want to date boys who are "out of their league." Eventually this sorts itself out (I even see it happening now in high school) but it takes some time. Also the "chicken and egg" phenomenon is definitely true. Once you talk with boys in a romantic or flirty sense, you talk with more.

It's all interesting. I am confident that none of this matters in the long term, although if pressed, I would say that I think it's odd that my kids may go to college having never dated anyone and in my daughter's case, having never kissed anyone. "Weird" meaning--very different than my own experience in the 90s. We all dated back then.
If you know or met my kids in real life you would say, "huh, these look like completely typical, attractive, social, well-adjusted teens." This seems like a bit of a disconnect, at least from my own experience (although certainly my own experience is not relevant)

[Anonymous]

I mean, teen dating is learning a certain set of social skills. Just like childhood friendships teach you similar skills. I am a 90s teen who didn’t really date (too clueless) and college was weird for me. I went right to hook up culture and had a series of failed super casual relationships leading to my only significant boyfriend that I married. And my marriage isn’t great. I wish I had more failed relationships in my life which yes includes high school, I really have no idea how to end things bc I’ve never really done it or had it happen to me.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, my 14 year old announced she has a boyfriend. They went on a date in town -- walking around, going to starbucks. I wish it weren't so soon, but she has been boy crazy for a while. I do feel like she'll get some emotional maturity out of it, maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 15 year old is more willing to do stuff.

I hope you have talked to her about protection.

+1

[Anonymous]

It’s weird that you care about this.