Dated for 2 months, didn’t work out. Now…we’re expecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. You don't sleep with someone you don't want to commit to. If you want to then you get an IUD and have condoms and plan B prescription handy and be prepared to get an abortion by an IBGYN if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

You play stupid games, you win stupid prizes. You don't sleep with someone you don't want to commit to. If you want to then you get an IUD and have condoms and plan B prescription handy and be prepared to get an abortion by an IBGYN if needed.

Thats what my mom said to me!!!

[Anonymous]

Shot gun marriage is another solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

More guys should get them but no, even vasectomy is not 100% effective.

[Anonymous]

Men who want to have random sex with people they don't want to have kids with, should also be required to do their part by getting a vasectomy. It's reversible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

More guys should get them but no, even vasectomy is not 100% effective.

Only 100% effective solution is to use common sense, self restrain and better judgement.

[Anonymous]

Has OP come back to say if they're the man or the woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Literally…what now? We don’t know each other very well, it was an ugly but mutual ‘this isn’t what either of us want’ breakup. But now there’s a kid inbound, confirmed by a doctor.

Su uh…anyone been in this situation? Both of us are financially stable and could reasonably raise a kid. Both have also had the tough ‘do we keep it’ talk. I’m feeling a bit lost

You were already broken up when you found out you were pregnant, and told him, do I have that part right, OP? In your shoes I would not even have told him but would have had an abortion.

He knows now and you say you've had the tough "do we keep it" talk but you do not tell us -- what does he want to do? Did you make him feel he has a vote here? Are you truly willing to give him that vote? Opening this up as a discussion with him inserts at lot of new issues, if he thinks he wants to be a father, but honestly, I'd have the abortion right now and cut all ties with him.

The breakup was "ugly" and that should be the only sign you need. Finances and whether you could "reasonably" raise a child financially are not the point, OP. Even if he is a relatively absent father you still will be yoked to him for the rest of your life, and possibly to his family too; would they want to know a child of his? Know you? Expect visits and contact? Again, this is for the rest of your life. He could choose at any point to become more involved, or to go the other direction and be less involved (leaving you with all costs etc.), or even to try for custody. No way to predict. Unless YOU, 100 percent, want the rest of your life to be about this child (because that's parenthood, whether it's wanted or unwanted), have an abortion with no compunction, but do it ASAP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

This is true, but birth control failure is not responsible for the 40% rate. It’s mostly user error. We should be better at this with the tools we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men who want to have random sex with people they don't want to have kids with, should also be required to do their part by getting a vasectomy. It's reversible.

+1. I picked the doctor who did my snip because he specialized in reversing them (not that I ever planned on having it reversed, but if he could do that he must really know what he's doing). And in 13 years since I haven't fathered any children.

[Anonymous]

I also feel sex ed is lacking! I mean its simple unprotected sex will end in a pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

IUDs are safe and effective. Your poor daughter is going to have a lot of wanted pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

IUDs are safe and effective. Your poor daughter is going to have a lot of wanted pregnancies.

Do you feel this is a parent to child behavior pattern?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

IUDs are safe and effective. Your poor daughter is going to have a lot of wanted pregnancies.

Do you feel this is a parent to child behavior pattern?

Or, like her mother before her, she could make good choices. At the age of 20, she certainly has so far. Sleeping around isn't worth the risk of blood clots, stroke, infection and infertility, or unwanted pregnancy. We do not preach abstinence or anything like that, just smart, good choices. Her health and future is too important to her.