Withholding sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so triggered by these threads because my husband is the one who has withheld sex at various times in the marriage and I genuinely felt at times that he was using it as a bargaining chip. Where are all these husbands who want sex all the time and how did I end up with this rare bird who doesn’t??!? It’s really not ok to withhold and I feel bad for any man who goes through that. Even if you are not at your happiest, once you start you can get in the mood.

You are not alone in this experience. My ex husband would withhold sex. It was absolute torture that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and began an affair with a coworker. My only regret is that I didn’t divorce him immediately when this started instead of suffering for several years (and in my sexual prime). I am certain he did it for control and to abuse me. I sympathize wholeheartedly with men who complain about their wives withholding sex. It is highly manipulative and abusive.

Same -- I ended up having an affair with a neighbor because I couldn't handle my wife's excuses over the years.

[Anonymous]

I am pretry sure my wife withholds sex with me. I get all kinds of excuses when it comes to having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so triggered by these threads because my husband is the one who has withheld sex at various times in the marriage and I genuinely felt at times that he was using it as a bargaining chip. Where are all these husbands who want sex all the time and how did I end up with this rare bird who doesn’t??!? It’s really not ok to withhold and I feel bad for any man who goes through that. Even if you are not at your happiest, once you start you can get in the mood.

You are not alone in this experience. My ex husband would withhold sex. It was absolute torture that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and began an affair with a coworker. My only regret is that I didn’t divorce him immediately when this started instead of suffering for several years (and in my sexual prime). I am certain he did it for control and to abuse me. I sympathize wholeheartedly with men who complain about their wives withholding sex. It is highly manipulative and abusive.

I’m really sorry you went through that, pp. I am an attractive woman and it was pretty tortuous getting so much positive attention from men just out in the world and facing constant rejection from my own husband. It makes you crazy and desperate for attention and validation. I came very close to practically throwing myself at a very appealing individual who would have been delighted to have me, and I don’t judge any woman who goes through with it.

[Anonymous]

My ex wife was a master at withholding sex to get her way and it mostly involved money for things like a kitchen upgrade or a new car. It was bizarre because we didn’t have children so there really was no leverage. I was stupid and fell for the car gambit but not the kitchen upgrade. The sex was really good but not that good so when I filed for divorce she was stunned. She’s been remarried for about five years and I wonder if she’s still doing the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex wife was a master at withholding sex to get her way and it mostly involved money for things like a kitchen upgrade or a new car. It was bizarre because we didn’t have children so there really was no leverage. I was stupid and fell for the car gambit but not the kitchen upgrade. The sex was really good but not that good so when I filed for divorce she was stunned. She’s been remarried for about five years and I wonder if she’s still doing the same thing.

I bet she is how ling did sex come off the table for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I genuinely get triggered when I hear men complain about their wives withholding sex, as though their wives are obligated to sleep with them, no matter what, just because they got married. I've had a period of low libido and my husband accused me of manipulating him to get him to change what he was doing because I did't want to have sex. But sex wasn't even on my mind! I was just depressed! It made me so mad.

But I know there are women who use sex to get what they want. Probably more than I think, just because it's such a foreign concept to me. I think it's awful. Unless it's some agreement that they have made with their husband, like they are sex workers or something.

If you won't have sex with your husband regularly, he should get it elsewhere...life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Learned my lesson from withholding sex i use to withhokd or punish for a set time depending on what he did to piss me off. That led to a porn addiction.

[Anonymous]

I didn't listen to my husband over the years and he blew up our family of 5 with an affair with a neighbor. He's not justified. But I'm disappointed that I didn't take his feelings more seriously when I expected him to take my feelings seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't listen to my husband over the years and he blew up our family of 5 with an affair with a neighbor. He's not justified. But I'm disappointed that I didn't take his feelings more seriously when I expected him to take my feelings seriously.

Did you withhold sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretry sure my wife withholds sex with me. I get all kinds of excuses when it comes to having sex.

It’s not withholding unless she’s using it to gain leverage. If she’s just not interested, then she’s just valuing her interest in sex over yours, maybe with some justification.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretry sure my wife withholds sex with me. I get all kinds of excuses when it comes to having sex.

It’s not withholding unless she’s using it to gain leverage. If she’s just not interested, then she’s just valuing her interest in sex over yours, maybe with some justification.

She never gained any leverage

[Anonymous]

Sex is great. But get real; it is not a weapon without some form of obsession.

They have to be driven to want to have sex with YOU.

Most guys will hit pornhub and move on. If you can weaponize it that is rare, and kind of impressive. Or your husband does not know how to use the internet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am pretry sure my wife withholds sex with me. I get all kinds of excuses when it comes to having sex.

It’s not withholding unless she’s using it to gain leverage. If she’s just not interested, then she’s just valuing her interest in sex over yours, maybe with some justification.

I would say that it’s not withholding unless she wants to have sex and isn’t for some reason.

I don’t think married women really do this. Maybe they don’t put a lot of effort into getting into the mood if they are mad about something. But I don’t think that women deny themselves sex that they want to have in order to manipulate their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would a woman withhold something she enjoys? Seems like a loss for her.

She wouldn’t. No woman is withholding getting a foot massage or watching “Golden Bachelor” with her husband.

These are women who are already not excited about sex with their husbands for whatever reason (probably just marriage, maybe fatigue or depression or chronic pain or anxiety), and then he’s being a jerk on top of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a woman withhold something she enjoys? Seems like a loss for her.

She wouldn’t. No woman is withholding getting a foot massage or watching “Golden Bachelor” with her husband.

These are women who are already not excited about sex with their husbands for whatever reason (probably just marriage, maybe fatigue or depression or chronic pain or anxiety), and then he’s being a jerk on top of it.

But also does the husbands behavior or immaturity play a part in this?