are 3+ kid families becoming more common?

[Anonymous]

Tons around me, I have been so surprised. Three-kid families seem only slightly less common than two-kid families in my children’s preschool. However, like a PP above, we live in a very kid friendly neighborhood and attend a part-time preschool.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of accidental 3 kid families lately, one older kid followed by twins. When I was growing up, I didn't know a lot of families with more than two. In fact, a lot of my friends were only children.

How do you know the twins were an accident? And lots of twin accidents? You just live in a neighborhood where everyone is accidentally having twins after an older child. Mmmhmmm

Uh, you can't just....have twins on purpose. You understand that right? Twins are spontaneous. Maybe some of these families would have gone for a third regardless, but they didn't plan their twins...

They are much more common with fertility treatments. That’s what PP is talking about.

As someone whose kids were conceived via fertility treatment, accepting the higher risk of multiples does not mean that you intend to have multiples. They’re still very much a surprise.

But the pregnancy itself probably wasn’t a surprise.

Let’s hope not. Fwiw I’m a twin and I have three children, none of whom are twins, but I knew that I was more likely than the average person to potentially have twins and I would not have been surprised. That’s why I have trouble wrapping my head around someone doing something that way statistically increases the risk of having twins and then being surprised. Maybe I understand probability better.

I think you’d understand better if you’ve been through infertility. Maybe “surprise” isn’t the right word, because it’s not really surprising, but it is a bit shocking. When you’ve lost all hope in your ability to conceive at all, those twin numbers mean nothing to you. It’s not really logical at all, because your emotions take over.

That may be what you're thinking, but it seems like people responding here saying all these 3rd babies are "oops!" aren't really understanding. It's not an oops when you go to a fertility specialist and implant two embryos, or one splits.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I see a lot of accidental 3 kid families lately, one older kid followed by twins. When I was growing up, I didn't know a lot of families with more than two. In fact, a lot of my friends were only children.

How do you know the twins were an accident? And lots of twin accidents? You just live in a neighborhood where everyone is accidentally having twins after an older child. Mmmhmmm

Uh, you can't just....have twins on purpose. You understand that right? Twins are spontaneous. Maybe some of these families would have gone for a third regardless, but they didn't plan their twins...

They are much more common with fertility treatments. That’s what PP is talking about.

As someone whose kids were conceived via fertility treatment, accepting the higher risk of multiples does not mean that you intend to have multiples. They’re still very much a surprise.

If you don’t want a surprise of two only implant one embryo. How can you read the fine print, make a decision where having twins is a distinct possibility, and then be surprised?

They can split. I have a friend who implanted two and got three.

But that's known to happen. I'm sure it's as surprising as needing fertility treatments and then even getting pregnant at all. Suprise! But that means the treatment you sought out worked.

It’s actually more common that eggs split in IVF than naturally occurring pregnancies.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

You're real gullible if you think this.

Why? She could be talking about me. I have oops triplets.

You're the unicorn. Every single person I know with twins, and there are a lot of them, used fertility treatments.

Do you ask? Or assume?
I know several people (including my husband before IVF times) that are twins not from IVF. Grew up with several sets in my high school. I know some from fertility treatments but it’s probably about half and half so I find it hard to believe it’s “every single person I know with twins”.

[Anonymous]

I haven’t seen this in my neighborhood. 2 is still the norm. Quite a few only children. I know of few 3+ families.

Anything over 2 seems exhausting to me.Hell, 2 is exhausting. One child was my sweet spot.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

You're real gullible if you think this.

Why? She could be talking about me. I have oops triplets.

You're the unicorn. Every single person I know with twins, and there are a lot of them, used fertility treatments.

Do you ask? Or assume?
I know several people (including my husband before IVF times) that are twins not from IVF. Grew up with several sets in my high school. I know some from fertility treatments but it’s probably about half and half so I find it hard to believe it’s “every single person I know with twins”.

I never wonder about this when I meet someone with twins and I think it’s kind of weird that some people are keeping track?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I’m in a wealthy neighborhood and almost every family here has 3-4 in rapid succession. I grew up lower middle class and most families were 2 so I’d say it’s less of a “sign of the times” and more a sign of wealth.

Both DH and I grew up in wralthy 3 kid families. We only ever wanted 2 kids.

I grew up in a 2 kid family and desperately wanted more siblings. I would’ve gladly given away much of what I’ll inherit for a sister or more cousins for my kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not new. My kids are 19 and 15 and we were one of the few who did have a 3rd in our friend group.

Agree that this isn't new. I was surprised at the large number of 3 kid families when my only started kindergarten and that was back in 2008.

[Anonymous]

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2018/08/09/middle-children-have-become-rarer-but-a-growing-share-of-americans-now-say-three-or-more-kids-are-ideal/

[Anonymous]

Agree that 3+ kids are more common in wealthy or umc areas. The only umc families I see with 1 or 2 kids either had fertility problems or are first gen immigrants who stick to 2 max because they don’t have the safety net others have and are risk averse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m in a wealthy neighborhood and almost every family here has 3-4 in rapid succession. I grew up lower middle class and most families were 2 so I’d say it’s less of a “sign of the times” and more a sign of wealth.

Both DH and I grew up in wralthy 3 kid families. We only ever wanted 2 kids.

I grew up in a 2 kid family and desperately wanted more siblings. I would’ve gladly given away much of what I’ll inherit for a sister or more cousins for my kids.

+1

+1. I secretly held out hope that my parents would have another kid (a third kid) until I was 16. At that point it became obvious that they were not going to have another child. I still wish I had another sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

You're real gullible if you think this.

Why? She could be talking about me. I have oops triplets.

You're the unicorn. Every single person I know with twins, and there are a lot of them, used fertility treatments.

Do you ask? Or assume?
I know several people (including my husband before IVF times) that are twins not from IVF. Grew up with several sets in my high school. I know some from fertility treatments but it’s probably about half and half so I find it hard to believe it’s “every single person I know with twins”.

I’m a twin and I feel like I see way more twins now. Also a lot more boy-girl twins where you know the egg didn’t split. When I see older parents (35+) with boy-girl twins I assume IVF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

You're real gullible if you think this.

Why? She could be talking about me. I have oops triplets.

You're the unicorn. Every single person I know with twins, and there are a lot of them, used fertility treatments.

I only have 3 friends with twins and all were a total shock. No fertility meds or family history. In their late 20s/early 30s so not older moms. Just totally out of the blue twins!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looking at everyone I know, I’d guess it is like this:

50% 2 DC
25% 3 DC
20% 1 DC
5% 4+ DC

I also know an absolute ton of couples that are childless by choice, or single people who never married or want to marry.

Most of the families I know with one DC didn’t plan on just one (for those who have said)…more commonly fertility issues or divorce/single parent.

A lot of the families with 3+ are due to an “oops”. I had a friend who had an oops #3 that turned into 3 & 4! twins. LOL.

I’d still say 2 seems to be the default.

Agree that a LOT Of the 3+ kid families are oops babies, or include multiples. I know two families that had oops triplets.

You're real gullible if you think this.

Why? She could be talking about me. I have oops triplets.

You're the unicorn. Every single person I know with twins, and there are a lot of them, used fertility treatments.

Do you ask? Or assume?
I know several people (including my husband before IVF times) that are twins not from IVF. Grew up with several sets in my high school. I know some from fertility treatments but it’s probably about half and half so I find it hard to believe it’s “every single person I know with twins”.

NP: I have IVF twins. I was in some “twin mom” groups when they were small (and everyone was fairly candid about pregnancy and birth given it was an infant/toddler group), and there were PLENTY of twins not conceived with IVF. I would not take a guess at numbers, but they were a very significant percentage for sure.

I suppose a stranger could guess knowing the mom’s age (TBH) but plenty of exceptions to that also. My IVF twins were born when I was only 31 (male factor issue), yet a close friend had very surprise twins at 40.

Clearly the increase in multiples is due to fertility treatments- not arguing that- but twins are common enough that it can’t really be assumed either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in a wealthy neighborhood (Palisades) and I felt like my kid with one sibling was the minority in kindergarten. Lots of 3-kid families and even some 4 or 5! What’s crazy is that in most of these, both parents work full time (eg 2 doctors). But lots of generational wealth too and grandparents paying for private school.

I see a lot of this also. Generational wealth with grandparents paying for private school (and taking care of college, among many other things). Definitely removes some obstacles for those who want larger families, as finances are usually the main concern for most.