How do you raise high achievers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

You can’t. It’s genetic. You’re average, so your kid will be average also. Just accept it and stop wanting something you don’t have.

Not at all. Nurturer plays as big of a part as nature.

[Anonymous]

Be careful what you wish for.

I’m a high achiever. DH is a high achiever. Our kids are high achievers. I actually wish my oldest would have more fun. I was just telling DH that I envy my friend who is average everything and has average kids but is such a happy person. I feel like I am never satisfied.

To answer OP’s question: Set the bar high and have high expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

You can’t. It’s genetic. You’re average, so your kid will be average also. Just accept it and stop wanting something you don’t have.

Not at all. Nurturer plays as big of a part as nature.

Word?

[Anonymous]

I was a high achiever early on and it was due to an untreated anxiety disorder and crushing parental expectations. Good times!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have two kids currently at top colleges. Here are some things we tried to do:

- Limit screen time as long as you can. We had zero screens until age 2 and held off on phones until 8th grade
- Expose them to the world…museums, age appropriate performing arts, gardens, travel, restaurants, wide range of people and experiences. Doesn’t have to be expensive and there are a lot of free things to do in the DMV area
- Have dinner together every night and talk with each other. When they are younger, okay guessing games at meals
- Attend their events, show interest and be supportive
- Let them try lots of things and quit at appropriate intervals if they know the activity is not for them
- If they find something they’re passionate about, let them go all in and support as much as you can afford and tolerate
- Applaud their effort and not so much their accomplishments
- Lead by example: volunteer, show up at work and at home, take care of your health, celebrate milestones large and small, love your own life fully

you lost me at screens at age 2…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have two kids currently at top colleges. Here are some things we tried to do:

- Limit screen time as long as you can. We had zero screens until age 2 and held off on phones until 8th grade
- Expose them to the world…museums, age appropriate performing arts, gardens, travel, restaurants, wide range of people and experiences. Doesn’t have to be expensive and there are a lot of free things to do in the DMV area
- Have dinner together every night and talk with each other. When they are younger, okay guessing games at meals
- Attend their events, show interest and be supportive
- Let them try lots of things and quit at appropriate intervals if they know the activity is not for them
- If they find something they’re passionate about, let them go all in and support as much as you can afford and tolerate
- Applaud their effort and not so much their accomplishments
- Lead by example: volunteer, show up at work and at home, take care of your health, celebrate milestones large and small, love your own life fully

you lost me at screens at age 2…

😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

You can’t. It’s genetic. You’re average, so your kid will be average also. Just accept it and stop wanting something you don’t have.

Not at all. Nurturer plays as big of a part as nature.

Post some identical twins separated at birth studies to prove this point pls.

Its nature and nurture but I don’t think we’ve bottomed out of how much each is weighted yet.

[Anonymous]

There are so many factors, many of which you have no control. Genetics and their temperament/personality can’t be underestimated.

The things you do have control over that I think help (mom of three high achievers):

-Talk to them frequently. Have interesting conversations that get them thinking.

-Expose them to art and music at an early age and then consistently throughout childhood

-Put them in 1-2 sports early and stick with them. Let them grow and mature in those sports and get the sense of accomplishment that comes when you work at something consistently over time. Even if they don’t love it at first, once they push their the beginner phase, they will often love it as they get better and better and feel that growth.

-Always stress academics. Do math with them daily at an early age. Even if just 10 min per day. It becomes routine and sends the message this is a priority. Read to them every night. Take weekly trips to swap library books. If there are any academic deficits, work on them steadily. Make sure they see you reading for yourself on a regular basis.

[Anonymous]

Push them hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Encouraging them to find something they love and have intrinsic motivation to succeed in. And nurturing that intrinsic motivation by not introducing extrinsic motivation (payment for good grades, etc.).

And not being a Tiger parent, although some may disagree (I personally think a lot of pressure can lead to a good student, but not a GREAT student). And... a lot of luck over things 1) you don't have control over or have limited control over (your kid) and 2) your kid doesn't have control over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have three kids. I think it is mostly luck. Some people are born with it and others are not. If one is not born with it then having high achieving parents and siblings can help. I think several of the Kardashians would not have achieved as much with a different mother and sister

This. Poster above. And I think I think luck is a big deal because this because I have 4 kids myself and no longer think I shape my kids in the way that people with fewer kids do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

Talk to them all the time, starting the day they are born.

Narrate your life. Explain concepts, vocabulary, causal relationships.

Your kids will literally be years ahead of their peers.

I have a friend who does this and I wonder when they have time to let it mull in their brains and think independently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not luck. It's tons of nurturing. Play lots of educational games with them. Do random math questions or spelling questions. We play jeopardy or "know your times tables" while driving in the car. Put them in extracurricular activities that they show promise in.

Whatever Jan

A well-nurtured achiever would know it's "Sure, Jan". "whatever" is anachronistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

Talk to them all the time, starting the day they are born.

Narrate your life. Explain concepts, vocabulary, causal relationships.

Your kids will literally be years ahead of their peers.

I have a friend who does this and I wonder when they have time to let it mull in their brains and think independently.

It's not literally "all the time", but it's many times most days.

[Anonymous]

Choose good DNA. Source: twin studies.