How do you raise high achievers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s mostly genetic so try to procure the best DNA you can.

This. Procreate with a driven person and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who claims they did it and can tell you how to do it fails to realize they got lucky.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let them struggle a bit. They need to learn on their own. If you snowflake them, they may get into whatever you want them to, but they won’t learn and they won’t achieve.

I actually say - let them fail. Also, I do a lot of 'I told you so. I'm 48 and didn't fall off the blueberry truck yesterday. Maybe next time you'll listen.' And 'remember last time when you thought I didn't understand. I did and I do now.' This is the exact opposite of what the psychologist tells you to do, but it worked for 2 so far.... I have 2 more to go. I can't even help being smug about some things. It's so natural for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

Talk to them all the time, starting the day they are born.

Narrate your life. Explain concepts, vocabulary, causal relationships.

Your kids will literally be years ahead of their peers.

This has nothing to do with a kid becoming high achieving

Shows how much you know

"There was a direct correlation between the children who’d heard a lot of parent talk and how prepared they were to learn once they arrived at school. Hart and Risley wrote, “With few exceptions, the more parents talked to their children, the faster the children’s vocabularies [grew] and the higher the children’s IQ test scores at age 3 and later.”"

https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/42177/what-parents-can-gain-from-learning-the-science-of-talking-to-kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not luck but it’s also hard to describe exactly what it is.

Lots of people praise effort, encourage achievement and have family dinners but still don’t have high achieving kids.

Yet, other people will have 3 or 4 kids who all end up high achievers. It’s definitely not luck, the exact mix of actions that led to that result are hard to isolate and harder to describe.

Some of it is genetics

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t pay for grades - they need to be motivated on their own.

I read to them every night before bed - birth through 6th grade.

They need to do their best and they need to complete their HW / assignments etc.

My oldest is in 9th grade. I recently gave him a college book (the 2024 version) that my parents gave to me when I was in 9th gr and I basically said - I am not going to nag you. The reason why you want to get good grades is to go to a good college and you need to motivated on your own for that - I already went to college and I’m not going to micromanage you. It’s for you now - not for me.

What college book did you give him?

I think there are other good ones, but this is the one I gave him because I really liked the 311 one my parents gave me:

The Best 389 Colleges, 2024: In-Depth Profiles & Ranking Lists to Help Find the Right College For You (2024) (College Admissions Guides)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

Talk to them all the time, starting the day they are born.

Narrate your life. Explain concepts, vocabulary, causal relationships.

Your kids will literally be years ahead of their peers.

This has nothing to do with a kid becoming high achieving

Shows how much you know

"There was a direct correlation between the children who’d heard a lot of parent talk and how prepared they were to learn once they arrived at school. Hart and Risley wrote, “With few exceptions, the more parents talked to their children, the faster the children’s vocabularies [grew] and the higher the children’s IQ test scores at age 3 and later.”"

https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/42177/what-parents-can-gain-from-learning-the-science-of-talking-to-kids

Higher IQ does not equal driven.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were high achievers in school. Both of our siblings were not. Sometimes it's a crap shoot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I were high achievers in school. Both of our siblings were not. Sometimes it's a crap shoot.

My husband and I are both high achievers. DH’s BIL is also a high achiever but my brother is not. My brother is bipolar and struggled in school his whole life.

[Anonymous]

My husband is a high achiever and I sort of am (I'm more of an "effective person") and our kid is shaping up to be pretty high achieving in high school.

My advice is:
- facilitate good habits. things like finish what you started, if something takes less than 5 minutes do it now, screens off when studying, screen time rules in general (age limits, app restrictions, put away at night, no way when with family or at dinner), study, be on time, brush your hair and look presentable, etc..
- make sure their friends are good kids. you can't 100% control this, but we did in certain ways and by high school our kid had friends who would ride in our car and talk about their classes and their extra curriculars and what jobs they wanted to work together in the summers (instead of just show each other TikTok videos and being idiots, which I am sure they do, but not all the time and not around us)
- present opportunities for activities and extracurriculars and model these behaviors
- work with them to help them learn concepts and think about hard things like tests and college
- teach them that they need to put themselves out there to achieve. it's not really enough to just apply to something and hope you're picked. you have to network and leverage and ask for what you want and also be good enough at it.

It helps if they are smart and kind and thoughtful.

So I'd say 50% nature 50% nurture but the jury is still out on my sample size of 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

You can’t. It’s genetic. You’re average, so your kid will be average also. Just accept it and stop wanting something you don’t have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

Talk to them all the time, starting the day they are born.

Narrate your life. Explain concepts, vocabulary, causal relationships.

Your kids will literally be years ahead of their peers.

This has nothing to do with a kid becoming high achieving

Shows how much you know

"There was a direct correlation between the children who’d heard a lot of parent talk and how prepared they were to learn once they arrived at school. Hart and Risley wrote, “With few exceptions, the more parents talked to their children, the faster the children’s vocabularies [grew] and the higher the children’s IQ test scores at age 3 and later.”"

https://www.kqed.org/mindshift/42177/what-parents-can-gain-from-learning-the-science-of-talking-to-kids

Higher IQ does not equal driven.

But but this 🤡 thinks so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

Define your "high achiever". A high performer and high earner or a happy and fulfilled ordinary person?

[Anonymous]

Trust the process

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an average person and would like my child to have a chance at being a high achiever in life. How can I help or guide him?

Love, nurture, provide variety of opportunities and guidance but don't control or force, don't compare, be good to yourself and to their other parent, live in a family oriented area, encourage them to talk to peers and adults, know how to accept and learn from failure.

Most importantly let them know that your love is not conditional to them fitting in box of your definition of high achiever.