s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"

[Anonymous]

I wanted my family to all have the same name. I didn’t have any particular attachment to my maiden name. It wasn’t hard to change my name. I don’t see the big deal. I don’t care who does or doesn’t understand why I did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been married 25+ years, never changed my name and our kids have hyphenated names. In all that time, in all the travels, schools, places we've been, there's only been 1 time I experienced any difficulty - getting a pool pass at the condo my DH owned and where we lived.

The pool at the condo had opened and, while on maternity leave, walked to the condo office with our 3 year, 18 month old and 2 month old (who was in a sling) to get our pool passes. They asked to see my drivers' license and I showed them. It had the address of the condo on it. They noted my last name was not the same as DH's who was listed as the owner. I acknowledged that. They pointed out that I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I acknowledged that, too. They then asked how they were supposed to know we were actually married. I looked at the three kids, looked back at the person and said, 'Really? I'm 40 years old with 3 kids. What are the chances of me trying to scam you for pool passes? You want me to show you my marriage license? Even the IRS didn't ask for it when we filed our first joint return." I got the pool passes. <smh>

This is sooo stupid, and the height of selfish / ridiculous self-importance. What if everyone did this? What last name are your kids supposed to give THEIR kids? What if they marry someone whose parents were equally self-indulgent?

+1 I absolutely HATE the hyphenated names for the kids for this reason.

I don't understand. What reason? The kids will make their own choices about their own names and the names of THEIR kids. Besides, why do you care or even think about what someone else names their kids?

[Anonymous]

I've been married 25 years and never changed my name. Also never had any issues.

When we were married one of my coworkers was horrified I wasn't changing that she asked me: what about your future kids having a different last name.in school??

I told her that most other parents, like her, would be divorced and remarried however many times and they would be just like all the other kids in their class who have different last names from their mom's. She shut up, as she had been married three times and she and each of her kids all had different names.

Never had any problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never understood the argument that it’s a huge headache to change it either. All I had to do was take my new marriage certificate to the social security office and get a new card. Then I got a new driver’s license. Updated my name a few other places (Amazon account, new checkbook, magazine subscriptions, etc) as they popped up.

Businesses don’t need your legal name in almost all cases, so who cares if I still get mail addressed to my maiden name? It really was not an arduous task to switch surnames.

How old were you when you got married?

I had publications, professional licenses, property deeds, and other legal documents in my name. For people with established careers and financial histories prior to marriage, the main logistical issues do not include changing your name in magazine subscriptions.

[Anonymous]

I kept my name and our two kids have my last name rather than DH’s. He is their dad, and nobody has ever expressed confusion about it. We get a Christmas card or two that seems to assume we all have his name but nobody at their school or when traveling or whatever has mentioned it.

I think people are used to all sorts of name combinations in families these days.

[Anonymous]

I had a very happily married friend switch back to her maiden name in her 50s. Her husband was supportive, they’re still together years later. Sometimes our og names are the best fit. Also fairly sure names were traditionally matrilineal in her family so it made sense.

[Anonymous]

Same here. Kept my name. Lived in 3 countries with kids, travel internationally at least once or twice a year. Not been an issue at school or camps ever, and I’ve also managed to take kids to the library and use DHs card with no problems. (But I really prefer my own card!).

[Anonymous]

Look - what those of us who have NOT changed our names are saying is

-- it's almost never an issue. Like literally, almost never and maybe exactly never.

So change your name or don't, but the idea that you "need" to have one name for logistical reasons is bunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also chiming in that in the 13 years I've been a parent with her own name, I also have never had a single issue traveling domestically or internationally, at school, or in any other situation.

Never an issue about the name difference itself. Whenever I traveled with them internationally without the other parent, I had to have a notarized letter anyway. It would have been the same even if we had the same last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I changed my name and the hardest change was for frequent flyer accounts. I would say the potential hassle is more social rather than logistical. Who should Second Cousin Mary address the wedding invite to? Not that big a problem for most people now that couples aren’t always even married much less sharing a name.

This thread has made me realize how easy it would be to pick up random people’s prescriptions. I know they take IDs for controlled substances, but in general I’m surprised there’s not more theft. If I refused to put in my phone number at Walgreens would they still give me my husband’s prescription?

I also have to state the home address and/or birth date. Of course all of those things are not hard to find for a specific person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the women who think that if you don't change your name, or have the same last name as a family -- that you will encounter major logistical hassles, etc. - do you have any evidence to support this?

I have traveled A LOT with my kids, having lived overseas most of their lives, and have literally never had a bureaucratic or logitical issue. I can't recall any time I've literally ever had an issue (other than people calling me Mrs Kidslastname, which I don't care about) at all in fact. I have three teenagers and a younger child, and have traveled a LOT overseas, so have had ample oppotunities.

NOOOOOOO!!! Don’t change your name ladies. I changed it and it’s a PAIN in the ass and causes complications for years whether it’s all your pre marriage frequent flyer miles or pre marriage work history or whatever and it’s just silly. No one gives a crap!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the women who think that if you don't change your name, or have the same last name as a family -- that you will encounter major logistical hassles, etc. - do you have any evidence to support this?

I have traveled A LOT with my kids, having lived overseas most of their lives, and have literally never had a bureaucratic or logitical issue. I can't recall any time I've literally ever had an issue (other than people calling me Mrs Kidslastname, which I don't care about) at all in fact. I have three teenagers and a younger child, and have traveled a LOT overseas, so have had ample oppotunities.

NOOOOOOO!!! Don’t change your name ladies. I changed it and it’s a PAIN in the ass and causes complications for years whether it’s all your pre marriage frequent flyer miles or pre marriage work history or whatever and it’s just silly. No one gives a crap!!!

What the "ladies" who are changing their names are saying, though, is that something big and terrible could happen if they don't have the same last name as their kids or husband, because people won't believe they are a family

[Anonymous]

I changed my name so that we all have the same name. It’s not due to serious logistical concerns, but to avoid the endless, minor corrections and clarifications throughout school and daycare years. I have a common first name with multiple common spellings and slight variations in pronunciation. I constantly have to say things like “yes, with an h” or clarify short or long vowel. I have been answering these questions for 40+ years. I married into a 12 letter, but thankfully phonetic, last name. I just could not bear dealing with my own first name, spelling out my husband/children’s name, AND explaining my name is different or hyphenated.

I know who I am and it doesn’t make me less of a feminist because I want my life to be simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the women who think that if you don't change your name, or have the same last name as a family -- that you will encounter major logistical hassles, etc. - do you have any evidence to support this?

I have traveled A LOT with my kids, having lived overseas most of their lives, and have literally never had a bureaucratic or logitical issue. I can't recall any time I've literally ever had an issue (other than people calling me Mrs Kidslastname, which I don't care about) at all in fact. I have three teenagers and a younger child, and have traveled a LOT overseas, so have had ample oppotunities.

NOOOOOOO!!! Don’t change your name ladies. I changed it and it’s a PAIN in the ass and causes complications for years whether it’s all your pre marriage frequent flyer miles or pre marriage work history or whatever and it’s just silly. No one gives a crap!!!

What the "ladies" who are changing their names are saying, though, is that something big and terrible could happen if they don't have the same last name as their kids or husband, because people won't believe they are a family

I changed my name upon marriage because I wanted a fresh start in life. Changing my last name and staying off of social media helped me ditch people from my past and gave me a new identity, in a sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the women who think that if you don't change your name, or have the same last name as a family -- that you will encounter major logistical hassles, etc. - do you have any evidence to support this?

I have traveled A LOT with my kids, having lived overseas most of their lives, and have literally never had a bureaucratic or logitical issue. I can't recall any time I've literally ever had an issue (other than people calling me Mrs Kidslastname, which I don't care about) at all in fact. I have three teenagers and a younger child, and have traveled a LOT overseas, so have had ample oppotunities.

NOOOOOOO!!! Don’t change your name ladies. I changed it and it’s a PAIN in the ass and causes complications for years whether it’s all your pre marriage frequent flyer miles or pre marriage work history or whatever and it’s just silly. No one gives a crap!!!

What the "ladies" who are changing their names are saying, though, is that something big and terrible could happen if they don't have the same last name as their kids or husband, because people won't believe they are a family

I changed my name upon marriage because I wanted a fresh start in life. Changing my last name and staying off of social media helped me ditch people from my past and gave me a new identity, in a sense.

Excellent reason to change your name, and worth the hassle of doing so! I hope you got the fresh start you wanted.

I didn't change my name when I got married but I work in an artistic field and have a "stage name" of sorts that serves the same purpose and I love it. Best part is that I never had to fill out a single piece of paperwork -- I just picked the name and use it on promotional materials but my paychecks have the name I was give at birth.

I have long thought we should change the whole system so that everyone keeps their birth name their entire life, but we had more leeway in what we call ourselves socially or professionally. As long as you could verify someone's name for legal reasons, I don't see why anyone should have to register the name their friends, neighbors, and family calls them with the government. People don't register their nicknames that way.