s/o "I had to change my name because of logistical issues"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married 25+ years, never changed my name and our kids have hyphenated names. In all that time, in all the travels, schools, places we've been, there's only been 1 time I experienced any difficulty - getting a pool pass at the condo my DH owned and where we lived.

The pool at the condo had opened and, while on maternity leave, walked to the condo office with our 3 year, 18 month old and 2 month old (who was in a sling) to get our pool passes. They asked to see my drivers' license and I showed them. It had the address of the condo on it. They noted my last name was not the same as DH's who was listed as the owner. I acknowledged that. They pointed out that I wasn't wearing a wedding ring. I acknowledged that, too. They then asked how they were supposed to know we were actually married. I looked at the three kids, looked back at the person and said, 'Really? I'm 40 years old with 3 kids. What are the chances of me trying to scam you for pool passes? You want me to show you my marriage license? Even the IRS didn't ask for it when we filed our first joint return." I got the pool passes. <smh>

My ILs have gone to great lengths to get fraudulent pool passes at Sea Colony. They took our then-toddlers to get photo
ID badges and used their relative’s leasing info. All for a few hours at an indoor pool. They were flummoxed as to how to handle a fake pass for me; I didn’t take DH name. Got very uncomfortable as DC got older and they finally had to tell the grandparents they weren’t going to use their “fake IDs” and would rather just swim in the ocean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.

OP here. I mean, totally fine -- but know I never have had to do explain or do anything like this either. ANd it sounds like with very minor exceptions over the years, others who still have their original name haven't eiter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.

OP here. I mean, totally fine -- but know I never have had to do explain or do anything like this either. ANd it sounds like with very minor exceptions over the years, others who still have their original name haven't eiter.

For example, I will say, I 'need to grab my uhsband's library books' and then tell them his name. I suppose the difference is you say, "I am Mary smith, i am here to get my husband's library books," but I just say, "I am Paul Smith's wife and here to get his books"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.

OP here. I mean, totally fine -- but know I never have had to do explain or do anything like this either. ANd it sounds like with very minor exceptions over the years, others who still have their original name haven't eiter.

I ever have to either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.

OP here. I mean, totally fine -- but know I never have had to do explain or do anything like this either. ANd it sounds like with very minor exceptions over the years, others who still have their original name haven't eiter.

For example, I will say, I 'need to grab my uhsband's library books' and then tell them his name. I suppose the difference is you say, "I am Mary smith, i am here to get my husband's library books," but I just say, "I am Paul Smith's wife and here to get his books"

I haven't every had to explain or do anything either. We've been picking up each other's prescriptions when we were living together before marriage (25 years ago) - even controlled substances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.

OP here. I mean, totally fine -- but know I never have had to do explain or do anything like this either. ANd it sounds like with very minor exceptions over the years, others who still have their original name haven't eiter.

The OP's point was that people say that they change their last name because of an imaginary fear. The question is, is that fear well-founded? Sounds like it's not.

[Anonymous]

It's kind of exhausting to keep track of who are the parents of each kid my kid makes plans with.

You could say it's because phone books are missing useful features for coordinating members of a family, but one name per family, especially a unique name per family, is simpler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn't change my name and the biggest issue I've had is that sometimes teachers will call me "Mrs. Husband's last name" when they first meet me, but then they catch on. I've never had a single logistical problem related to my husband or kids in terms of travel, finances, medical care, etc.

Changing your name, on the other hand, is a logistical pain. It's a lot of paperwork and then you can have the old name on stuff for years and years, plus if you change your name professionally, it can cause a lot of confusion. This was one reason I didn't change my name. I had friends and colleagues who had dealt with some very annoying issues at work due to name changes.

It's very classically American to both expect women to change their names when they marry but then make it as logistically inconvenient as possible to do so. So on brand!

Not true, in my case. Dh and I were married at the Rockville courthouse in 1999. When we filed the papers, I was asked if I wanted to change my name. I said no. Turns out, in Md at that time, a woman's last name was automatically changed to her dhs. I found this out a few years later when I wanted to change my last name to my dh's. I was informed that I had been Larla Smith, nee Jones for 5 years!

Did Rockville change your name on all your accounts everywhere?

[Anonymous]

There are no logistical issues. It’s just an excuse that is used to justify changing names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's kind of exhausting to keep track of who are the parents of each kid my kid makes plans with.

You could say it's because phone books are missing useful features for coordinating members of a family, but one name per family, especially a unique name per family, is simpler.

This is a fake concern. When are you using the last names of any of your kids’ friends’ parents?

Our (public school) phone directory helpfully lists all parents whose last names are different from their kids’ at in the back. It is several pages long so this isn’t a small group of people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is up with all these name change threads recently? Is this a troll / bot? What is your angle?

Big Print at it again. They profit from name changes because it increases demands for new business cards.

[Anonymous]

I don't get why people care so much. My first name is the name my parents chose for me and that is the one I would never change, that is who I am. My last name is something some slaveowner "gave" us. Same with my husband. His flowed better with my first name so I changed. I don't care what other people do nor do I care what people outside of me and my DH think about about what I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is up with all these name change threads recently? Is this a troll / bot? What is your angle?

Big Print at it again. They profit from name changes because it increases demands for new business cards.

Who still uses business cards in 2024?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did change my legal name and I think it's more that I never, ever have to explain that I'm related to my kids or my husband and there are small conveniences related to that. It's obvious to everyone at schools and camps, I can grab my husband's library books,

I have always thought that your last name is a shorthand indicator that explains who you are related to. To me, it made sense to highlight my adult nuclear family. The only time I ever missed legally having my maiden name was after my father passed away, and I had to explain our relationship to the hospital/funeral home etc.

OP here. I mean, totally fine -- but know I never have had to do explain or do anything like this either. ANd it sounds like with very minor exceptions over the years, others who still have their original name haven't eiter.

For example, I will say, I 'need to grab my uhsband's library books' and then tell them his name. I suppose the difference is you say, "I am Mary smith, i am here to get my husband's library books," but I just say, "I am Paul Smith's wife and here to get his books"

I haven't every had to explain or do anything either. We've been picking up each other's prescriptions when we were living together before marriage (25 years ago) - even controlled substances.

Same! My DH always picks up my prescriptions because our pharmacy is very convenient for his commute. A few times I've worried that they will give him a hard time but it's never been an issue.

And I am usually the one to pick up our DD's prescriptions, and she and I have different last names. Again also never an issue.

If you live in a diverse city, people just don't get hung up on this. There are lots of different naming conventions around the world. DC has many immigrants with different approaches to names including family names. Turns out it's all fine.

[Anonymous]

I had an issue getting on a flight in Italy with my kids. My husband had boarded in front of us and a flight crew person had to go retrieve him for us to all board. When I travel with my kid(s) without my husband I take their official birth certificates.