Social media is designed to be addictive; known harmful. Why do your kids have it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

How could you possibly know this?

Seriously? Because they’re very open and vocal about their mental health struggles. I mean, when my oldest was 12, she had friends who would post videos on TikTok saying they had to take a break because it was affecting their mental health. Great. But they always came right back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

How could you possibly know this?

She doesn’t. My 12 and 15 year old are both doing just fine with phones and access to social media with limits and supervision.

Calm down, lady. I’m not talking about your kids. No need to take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

How could you possibly know this?

Seriously? Because they’re very open and vocal about their mental health struggles. I mean, when my oldest was 12, she had friends who would post videos on TikTok saying they had to take a break because it was affecting their mental health. Great. But they always came right back.

I’m sure you think you have a good handle on your own child’s mental health (and it’s possible you actually do), but what makes you think you could possibly have a handle on the mental health of your kid’s friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

None of this addresses the facts:

- it’s successfully engineered to be highly addictive

- it’s harmful to teen brains, and

- everyone gives it to their kids anyway.

Everyone either allows or forces all sorts of choices on teens every single day that are either not in the best interest of physical/mental health or are even actively harmful!

How early does your teen wake up for school or sports? How often is your teen riding in a car rather than walking or biking? How many hours of completely unstructured free time do your children have each day? How often do you allow your teens out alone in the world completely unsupervised and with no quick way to contact them? And so on.

Social media is a low hanging fruit for people to judge other parents without ever having to seriously examine some of the potential consequences of their own less than ideal choices, IMO.

DP - what makes you think those of us concerned about social media ignore issues like sleep, car riding, etc.? IME, most parents don’t bother to look at real risks like these, because that would require setting limits with kids and they don’t want to do that.

Your response makes me think you ignore those issues based on the fact that you didn’t actually answer the questions and you don’t want to admit how badly you’re failing your kids in THOSE areas. Easier to turn the subject back to those awful parents who allow social media!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

How could you possibly know this?

Seriously? Because they’re very open and vocal about their mental health struggles. I mean, when my oldest was 12, she had friends who would post videos on TikTok saying they had to take a break because it was affecting their mental health. Great. But they always came right back.

I’m sure you think you have a good handle on your own child’s mental health (and it’s possible you actually do), but what makes you think you could possibly have a handle on the mental health of your kid’s friends?

Because they talk about it all the time. I’m not making guesses here. Or are you suggesting they’re making it up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

How could you possibly know this?

Seriously? Because they’re very open and vocal about their mental health struggles. I mean, when my oldest was 12, she had friends who would post videos on TikTok saying they had to take a break because it was affecting their mental health. Great. But they always came right back.

I’m sure you think you have a good handle on your own child’s mental health (and it’s possible you actually do), but what makes you think you could possibly have a handle on the mental health of your kid’s friends?

Because they talk about it all the time. I’m not making guesses here. Or are you suggesting they’re making it up?

They talk about it TO YOU? Their friend’s mom? Sorry, I am just having a difficult time believing that.

(And if they’re talking about it on tiktok then of course it’s possible they’re making it up for attention! That’s how that nonsense works!)

[Anonymous]

Kids also can't become influencers without social media though. High-end influencing is even more lucrative than child acting and makes a student attractive to competitive colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

How could you possibly know this?

Seriously? Because they’re very open and vocal about their mental health struggles. I mean, when my oldest was 12, she had friends who would post videos on TikTok saying they had to take a break because it was affecting their mental health. Great. But they always came right back.

I’m sure you think you have a good handle on your own child’s mental health (and it’s possible you actually do), but what makes you think you could possibly have a handle on the mental health of your kid’s friends?

Because they talk about it all the time. I’m not making guesses here. Or are you suggesting they’re making it up?

They talk about it TO YOU? Their friend’s mom? Sorry, I am just having a difficult time believing that.

(And if they’re talking about it on tiktok then of course it’s possible they’re making it up for attention! That’s how that nonsense works!)

Did you never monitor your 12-13 year old’s group chats? Overhear their conversations with friends? Know their friends’ parents personally?

[Anonymous]

I hate that kids now need a date for Halloween. Growing up we just ToT’d with siblings and whatever random neighbor kids were walking around. It wasn’t a “thing” you preplanned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't. I'm hoping they thank me later. Oldest not yet in high school, though, which is when it may be hard to hold out.

My closest childhood friend works for one of the big Silicon Valley companies. Her kids go to "Forest School" and she tries not to let them see the parents on devices at all. She's seen into the belly of the beast and knows enough to be scared.

I have two in high school in fcps. Neither has it.
They are doing just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't. I'm hoping they thank me later. Oldest not yet in high school, though, which is when it may be hard to hold out.

My closest childhood friend works for one of the big Silicon Valley companies. Her kids go to "Forest School" and she tries not to let them see the parents on devices at all. She's seen into the belly of the beast and knows enough to be scared.

I have two in high school in fcps. Neither has it.
They are doing just fine.

That’s cool. So are all the kids I know who do have it. We can share anecdotes all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that kids now need a date for Halloween. Growing up we just ToT’d with siblings and whatever random neighbor kids were walking around. It wasn’t a “thing” you preplanned.

Um, no they don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that kids now need a date for Halloween. Growing up we just ToT’d with siblings and whatever random neighbor kids were walking around. It wasn’t a “thing” you preplanned.

I've not heard of this. This is your kids' circle. You can say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boys have never been interested in social media thankfully. They do watch too much YouTube though. School clubs use private Discord channels, and I'm fine with that. When they were younger we monitored the friend chat on Discord and taught them the rules and perils, but at a certain age you need to stop eavesdropping on your kids.

YouTube and Discord are social media. I went to a parent ed presentation at my kids' school this week from a non-profit that deals with social media and kids and they included Roblox and Fortnight on their list of social media as well. https://www.socialmediasafety.org/

The presentation pointed out that social media isn't going away and even if you ban it kids are still looking at it at their friends' houses or, in my DD's case, on her school computer. So I think the better question might be what are you doing to mitigate the dangerous impact of social media in your child's world?

We can quibble about the definition, but whether or not the media is "socially dangerous and addictive" really does depend on how it is being used by the kid, which goes to your question about how to safely regulate use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

None of this addresses the facts:

- it’s successfully engineered to be highly addictive

- it’s harmful to teen brains, and

- everyone gives it to their kids anyway.

Everyone either allows or forces all sorts of choices on teens every single day that are either not in the best interest of physical/mental health or are even actively harmful!

How early does your teen wake up for school or sports? How often is your teen riding in a car rather than walking or biking? How many hours of completely unstructured free time do your children have each day? How often do you allow your teens out alone in the world completely unsupervised and with no quick way to contact them? And so on.

Social media is a low hanging fruit for people to judge other parents without ever having to seriously examine some of the potential consequences of their own less than ideal choices, IMO.

DP - what makes you think those of us concerned about social media ignore issues like sleep, car riding, etc.? IME, most parents don’t bother to look at real risks like these, because that would require setting limits with kids and they don’t want to do that.

Your response makes me think you ignore those issues based on the fact that you didn’t actually answer the questions and you don’t want to admit how badly you’re failing your kids in THOSE areas. Easier to turn the subject back to those awful parents who allow social media!

Sure, Heather, you’ve caught me now!

Except that I’m the only parent of (11 year old) DD’s friends who won’t let her ride in the front seat. Or give her a phone with unfettered access to YouTube, TikTok, etc. Or who limits sleepovers because she needs her sleep. But sure, you go on with your brilliant assumptions!