Social media is designed to be addictive; known harmful. Why do your kids have it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or rather:

- why do you give your children social media, when it is designed to addict them, and is known to be harmful to children and teens?

Because like it or not, SM is a permanent part of our lives and I would prefer to have some oversight on their early interactions with it.

DP and this is a pretty passive/lazy approach. Plenty of people don’t have their kids on social media.

Anxious parents of young kids would like to believe this. But in the actual teen world, there are actually not "plenty" of kids without any access to social media. A few, a very few.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or rather:

- why do you give your children social media, when it is designed to addict them, and is known to be harmful to children and teens?

Because like it or not, SM is a permanent part of our lives and I would prefer to have some oversight on their early interactions with it.

DP and this is a pretty passive/lazy approach. Plenty of people don’t have their kids on social media.

Anxious parents of young kids would like to believe this. But in the actual teen world, there are actually not "plenty" of kids without any access to social media. A few, a very few.

Upwards of 80% of teens in the USA are on social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or rather:

- why do you give your children social media, when it is designed to addict them, and is known to be harmful to children and teens?

Because like it or not, SM is a permanent part of our lives and I would prefer to have some oversight on their early interactions with it.

DP and this is a pretty passive/lazy approach. Plenty of people don’t have their kids on social media.

Anxious parents of young kids would like to believe this. But in the actual teen world, there are actually not "plenty" of kids without any access to social media. A few, a very few.

Upwards of 80% of teens in the USA are on social media.

And the vast majority of them are doing just fine. Just like the vast majority of teens are not OD-ing on fentanyl. I'm not saying these things don't happen, but like most things in the media, the likelihood of this happening is way overstated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teenagers have instagram since that is the means by which several of their high school clubs and friend groups communicate.

Lots of things can be harmful in the extreme, but just fine in moderation, and that includes social media.

Hi! We are in FCPS.

Our 10th grader told us many school clubs communicate through Insta. We are holding out and not allowing it so far.

I wonder if FCPS should require schools to make any official info on clubs available through non-Insta portals, such as Google docs?

At DD's high school its pretty much insta only. One of the clubs she has joined has a Schoology page but the others don't. Its very frustrating because if you aren't following the right page you miss opportunities. Stuff is on the morning announcements but DD has said its soooo loud during that time that it is impossible to hear stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My teenagers have instagram since that is the means by which several of their high school clubs and friend groups communicate.

Lots of things can be harmful in the extreme, but just fine in moderation, and that includes social media.

Hi! We are in FCPS.

Our 10th grader told us many school clubs communicate through Insta. We are holding out and not allowing it so far.

I wonder if FCPS should require schools to make any official info on clubs available through non-Insta portals, such as Google docs?

At DD's high school its pretty much insta only. One of the clubs she has joined has a Schoology page but the others don't. Its very frustrating because if you aren't following the right page you miss opportunities. Stuff is on the morning announcements but DD has said its soooo loud during that time that it is impossible to hear stuff.

With proper scaffolding, there is nothing wrong with an Insta account for informational purposes. The hand wringing on here is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

One kid has gabb phone but will get an i phone by next summer. It was painful for them to not be linking up with all their friends from summer camp who had instagrams and were sharing info to stay connected. I don't know if I can back down now but this thread is making me second guess the need for it, to just not be left out. It's not like they can really share much and they've lost the desire to write letters. I don't stay in contact with anyone I went to middle school with, why is it necessary for my kid to? Its something I won't feel happy or comfortable with no matter what we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One kid has gabb phone but will get an i phone by next summer. It was painful for them to not be linking up with all their friends from summer camp who had instagrams and were sharing info to stay connected. I don't know if I can back down now but this thread is making me second guess the need for it, to just not be left out. It's not like they can really share much and they've lost the desire to write letters. I don't stay in contact with anyone I went to middle school with, why is it necessary for my kid to? Its something I won't feel happy or comfortable with no matter what we do.

I had the opposite experience. DCUM and the media made it out to be this big bogey man. It’s been completely fine. They have to have my approval to friend or follow anyone. They know I will check their feeds at random. It has not caused depression or anxiety. My kids enjoy their friends. We have strict down time at night and other times of the day. My kids don’t fight it because they know the consequence is losing the phone for a period of time.

[Anonymous]

It's like candy, if you deny them, they will just crave it more and go behind your back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

How could you possibly know this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One kid has gabb phone but will get an i phone by next summer. It was painful for them to not be linking up with all their friends from summer camp who had instagrams and were sharing info to stay connected. I don't know if I can back down now but this thread is making me second guess the need for it, to just not be left out. It's not like they can really share much and they've lost the desire to write letters. I don't stay in contact with anyone I went to middle school with, why is it necessary for my kid to? Its something I won't feel happy or comfortable with no matter what we do.

I had the opposite experience. DCUM and the media made it out to be this big bogey man. It’s been completely fine. They have to have my approval to friend or follow anyone. They know I will check their feeds at random. It has not caused depression or anxiety. My kids enjoy their friends. We have strict down time at night and other times of the day. My kids don’t fight it because they know the consequence is losing the phone for a period of time.

I think this is the correct way to handle it. So many are fighting a losing battle because like it or not, this is the world our kids live in. They have to learn how to navigate the world as it is, not as we wish it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

None of this addresses the facts:

- it’s successfully engineered to be highly addictive

- it’s harmful to teen brains, and

- everyone gives it to their kids anyway.

Everyone either allows or forces all sorts of choices on teens every single day that are either not in the best interest of physical/mental health or are even actively harmful!

How early does your teen wake up for school or sports? How often is your teen riding in a car rather than walking or biking? How many hours of completely unstructured free time do your children have each day? How often do you allow your teens out alone in the world completely unsupervised and with no quick way to contact them? And so on.

Social media is a low hanging fruit for people to judge other parents without ever having to seriously examine some of the potential consequences of their own less than ideal choices, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Mine are 12 and 15 and we’ve made that choice so far, accepting the consequences. They’re fine. In fact, in a much better place mentally than their friends who’ve had free reign online since late elementary school. I guess there are plenty of kids who can handle social media in moderation, but the risks are just too big.

How could you possibly know this?

She doesn’t. My 12 and 15 year old are both doing just fine with phones and access to social media with limits and supervision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

Social media - especially Insta and TikTok, cause teen suicide; especially among girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread sounds like a lot of parents of younger children. The socialization of teens is pretty different from the socialization of elementary schoolers. They have different needs and different levels of autonomy. Banning your kids from any kind of social media absolutely WILL cause them to be excluded socially. Is this an awesome thing to have happen? Of course not. But the reality is that if you don't let your kids use Discord and all their friends are socializing via Discord out of school, your kid will miss that socialization. That's a choice you can make, but recognize that there will be social consequences for that choice.

People with older kids are generally a lot better at understanding that nuance than the people whose kids are still in elementary school. The rules that one has for a 6yo are less appropriate for a 16yo, which the parents of 6yo almost never seem to understand.

None of this addresses the facts:

- it’s successfully engineered to be highly addictive

- it’s harmful to teen brains, and

- everyone gives it to their kids anyway.

Everyone either allows or forces all sorts of choices on teens every single day that are either not in the best interest of physical/mental health or are even actively harmful!

How early does your teen wake up for school or sports? How often is your teen riding in a car rather than walking or biking? How many hours of completely unstructured free time do your children have each day? How often do you allow your teens out alone in the world completely unsupervised and with no quick way to contact them? And so on.

Social media is a low hanging fruit for people to judge other parents without ever having to seriously examine some of the potential consequences of their own less than ideal choices, IMO.

DP - what makes you think those of us concerned about social media ignore issues like sleep, car riding, etc.? IME, most parents don’t bother to look at real risks like these, because that would require setting limits with kids and they don’t want to do that.