DADT Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's in it for the man in this situation?

DH gets intelligent arm candy for professional socializing. I'm an amazing cook. Love and take care of my kids beautifully. Work and contribute to the family financials. I'm a partner in his life

This sounds very practical. Would you say you are happy?

[Anonymous]

I was in one that was one-way for me only at her insistence. I feared that would never work and drive us apart. It worked out better than I could have imagined and only made us love each other more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I asked my husband for one and he said no.

You broke rule 1. DA.

Is that not just cheating? I’m confused lol. I thought this post was about ethical non-monogamy? Genuinely curious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's in it for the man in this situation?

DH gets intelligent arm candy for professional socializing. I'm an amazing cook. Love and take care of my kids beautifully. Work and contribute to the family financials. I'm a partner in his life

This sounds very practical. Would you say you are happy?

I was unhappy for a long time and made changes. I'm happy now

[Anonymous]

Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

I agree. If I want to share a meal, go for a hike or watch a movie with somebody else it's fine. But if I'm going to go do *that* with somebody else it defeats the purpose of being married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

When was society more "moral" than it is now? I put moral in quotes because I don't want to debate the definition of that term and want you to use it however you think it should be defined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

I agree. If I want to share a meal, go for a hike or watch a movie with somebody else it's fine. But if I'm going to go do *that* with somebody else it defeats the purpose of being married.

DH and I share a meal, go for a hike or watch a movies together. And I do *that* with someone else. To us, DADT is much more moral than trying/forcing to do *that* with DH because he doesn't consent to doing *that*.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, whatever happened to the sacredness of marriage vows? Morality is gone from society and this is a big indication of it.

The sacredness of marriage and the expectation that one’s spouse will automatically be able to meet emotional and sexual needs over the entirety of a lifetime is a modern construct.

[Anonymous]

All I can say is I'll pray for all of you who feel the need to have sex with someone other than your spouse. So disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is I'll pray for all of you who feel the need to have sex with someone other than your spouse. So disturbing.

I find your lack of moral imagination disturbing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think DADT used to just be called "marriage." Then a strange team of liberal and conservative morality police got involved and made everyone's marriage worse.

Whaaa Whaaaa, can't cheat like the men could in the '50s cause women aint having that shit! Cry harder!

[Anonymous]

DH and I share a meal, go for a hike or watch a movies together. And I do *that* with someone else. To us, DADT is much more moral than trying/forcing to do *that* with DH because he doesn't consent to doing *that*.

Gross. I doubt he really “consents” to this arrangement either - he likely feels forced into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DH and I share a meal, go for a hike or watch a movies together. And I do *that* with someone else. To us, DADT is much more moral than trying/forcing to do *that* with DH because he doesn't consent to doing *that*.

Gross. I doubt he really “consents” to this arrangement either - he likely feels forced into it.

Unless he’s a cuck, then he does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My marriage is monogamous but I think a DADT marriage makes more sense than a true "open" marriage even though it seems less emotionally mature. Everyone I know who is in or has tried open marriage, it's just an endless series of annoying choices that you have to be "mature" about but actually suck. Everything from setting the rules of what people are allowed to do, to deciding how much to share with each other, to deciding who outside the marriage to tell about the openness, then dealing with kids... it's logistically just suuuuuuper annoying. I get why people do it but have seen enough of these from the outside (two that are still intact, the rest ended in divorce) to know it is very much not for me or my DH.

At least in a DADT marriage, it's pretty simple. Be discrete. Don't do anything that would compromise that discretion. Use protection. Never talk about it. I could even see it sort of helping to revive a marriage by adding some mystery and competition and just making the individual partners feel wanted and sexy again, which is the stuff it's hard to access after years of monogamy and kids. But without all the logistical annoyances of open marriage because the assumption is that any affairs must fit around the marriage without disturbing it. So there are no "arrangements." Figure out how to make your affairs happen on your lunch our or at "the gym" or during work travel, but no we are not sitting down as a couple to figure out how to arrange childcare so that you can do a couples weekend with your girlfriend, ffs.

Let’s call it what it is: Letting DH have his mistress, hoping he doesn’t leave.