MIL literally forgot grandchild's birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Next time they have a birthday roll around, be polite, but don't go out of the way either to wish them a happy birthday. If they say something, I would respond, I thought we weren't celebrating birthdays anymore on this side of the family since Larla's birthday didn't warrant a call or call?

Obnoxious and passive aggressive. I can't believe people even think about engaging with others in this manner.

[Anonymous]

My IL's are similar. They didn't call my DH (their own son!) 5 years in a row on his birthday. Our kids are so sweet to them despite them having very little interest in them as people. They are just kind of...checked out and more invested in other people and things. Instead of being upset or offended, we have adopted a "take what they can give" perspective. Our kids are awesome and it's their loss that they don't make the effort. We try to enjoy phone calls or visits (once and year at most) and leave it at that! DH, our kids and I are a really happy family with lots of friends and family members who do love and reciprocate--I'm grateful for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are admittedly not big birthday people, but we always make a point of calling MIL and FIL on their birthdays and wishing them a happy birthday.

This year, they literally forgot their grandchild's birthday. She's a teen. They live out of state, but the part of this that makes me so sad is that DD didn't even seem to notice that they forgot it. She focused on the cards that she got from her other family out of state that she visited this summer.

I have come to accept that ILs don't have much of an interest in our children, but this is really hurtful. We did visit them this summer and spent the whole visit giving them support and help. They barely even acknowledged that our kids were there while doting on DH's brother's kids.

I don't understand why anyone would do this, and it always hurts, even though I'm not surprised and have accepted that they are how they are.

They don't care and you need to accept it. Sounds like your DD has.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you, 8 years old?

Who cares? Birthdays are for children. And even if you or MIL generally cares at some level about a rote, checklist telephone call every year, people forget.

Spouse and I have both at various points forgotten the other’s birthday and/or our anniversary. We still love each other and have a great life.

It’s really not a big deal.

She’s venting because of the inequity she sees. It’s upsetting to see a sibling’s kids being treated differently. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it to my kid but I would stop celebrating mil and fils birthdays and I would be bothered by it.

Does she know for a fact that IL’s have never forgotten anything pertaining to nieces/nephews? I doubt it. She sounds like she just hates her MIL.

MIL posts photos of birthday gifts and parties that she gives to BIL's children every year. She hosts them. It's fine- they live near her, we don't due to work locations- but at least a "happy birthday" would be appreciated.

Lots of bitter projection on this thread from various posters. Maybe look in the mirror before you project your situation onto someone else that you don't know.

[Anonymous]

It’s like someone can forget something on purpose. I mean, they may ignore something on purpose, but forgetting is different. It’s, well.. forgetting. I’ve had things in my remembering list for week’s and then time gets ahead, and all the sudden, it’s The Day. Of course, sometimes that day sometimes is a random Tuesday amid there a doctors appointment and the water isn’t working, and OMG, we’re out of milk.

No, I e never forgotten something, but I can see how it happens. These things seems far away, and then all the sudden they’re so on top of you they’ve snuck up on you. I mean, have you never experienced time blindness on vacation, or during COVID WAH?

It would really be nice if humans were perfect sometime, but along with that comes a while lot of boring.

Try Grace sometime. Unless you’ve never forgotten anything ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is your subject line “MIL literally forgot grandchild’s birthday” when FIL is apparently still alive and of sound mind and body? Hmm?

Yeah yeah, you mention him in the original post, but you clearly lay most of the blame at HER feet. After all, she has a vagina, and family birthdays are women’s work in your eyes, eh, OP?

I wondered the same thing. Did FIL forget, too, or did he call or send a card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your subject line “MIL literally forgot grandchild’s birthday” when FIL is apparently still alive and of sound mind and body? Hmm?

Yeah yeah, you mention him in the original post, but you clearly lay most of the blame at HER feet. After all, she has a vagina, and family birthdays are women’s work in your eyes, eh, OP?

He's not FIL. He's SFIL. He wasn't around when DH was a child, so I don't really expect him to put in any effort. We aren't family, after all.

Wow. We consider step relatives to be family.

And who cares if someone forgets a birthday. It’s not a moral offense or even a slight. She just forgot.

[Anonymous]

How old are they? How many grandkids? My side of the family has started forgetting lately as there are more kids and grandkids and everyone is getting older. I have started to remind them and I imagine it will phase out entirely in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Get over it OP. People forget birthdays. It happens. And the sooner you realize the world doesn’t revolve around your snowflake, the better. Signed - Mother of 2 and a DIL.