Wwyd if your kid lied about having Snapchat?

[Anonymous]

Personally, we have a policy of needing to be old enough by the app's standards, so that's 13. My 13 year old got Instagram (private) this year. We have access to our kid's phones and they charge them downstairs overnight. My 13 year old knows she is allowed to get Snap but I will check her phone more often if so, and this isn't a trade off she likes. She says she'd just rather not have it. If my 11 year old downloaded it secretly, I would confront her and give consequences, but I think my real focus would be on how powerful the urge to scroll and snap and turn into a Zombie is, rather than making it all about respect and honesty.

A friend of my 11 year old texted my 13 year old and said that her parents gave her permission to get Snap Chat but they "couldn't figure out" how to approve it, so could she send my 13 year old the code. My 13 year old told me this whole story, totally guileless and believing the lie. Of course I informed the friend's mom. Kids will be kids.

I'm just really trying to navigate how to teach my kids good boundaries. They have app limits, the 11 year old can't download new apps without permission, they have to leave their phones downstairs overnight. Still, they are addictive despite all of that. We talk about that a lot, and I demonstrate awareness of my own susceptibility and the strategies I use to take back control of my brain. They know that sometimes we declare screen free time and we all read a book . . . they understand that the click-bait wants them to keep clicking/liking/scrolling but that they feel much better when they are disconnected. It's a battle, and always will be, for all of us. Good luck, OP. I don't think this is a one and done proposition . . . it's something we need to revisit and stay on top of constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No offense. I get that you punish them. They lied.

But as a middle school teacher, every teen has snap. All of them. They use their friends phones in school. They use web browsers. They use old phones/iPads lying around the house or they secretly download and hide it on their own phone. As soon as an account gets deleted they create a new one with a friend. I hear it all day long.

Teens no longer text. They snap. Their texts are thru snap. They send pics thru snap. They really only communicate thru snap. It isn’t to hide things, at least for most kids. It’s just that this is how they communicate. And kids this age hate feeling left out.

I have a snap account so I can understand my students and my two own teens. I don’t follow my two, but I have both their log ins and I can log in any time. I rarely do. We talk extensively about the 3 p’s. Parents, principal, and police. And how phone calls are your safest bet. Even FT can be video recorded. Anyway, I would have loved Snap as a teen and I find it entertaining now. I was surprised how many adults are on it.

Eventually you are going to have to allow it, so you might as well start learning about it on your own. Just not from what other helicopter parents mom say/fear. Learn for yourself.

This is what someone else told you on the first page.

I think the parents who are convinced their teens never lie to them are just delusional. Your kid is just good at lying. There is also a lot of lying by omission, which is a trickier thing to think about and deal with. I say this not from a point of view of we should all just give up, but it's important to have the mindset of trust but verify, think though the angles always, and understand that IT IS NORMAL when your teenager does not treat you like their bestie and tell you everything and tries to push boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense. I get that you punish them. They lied.

But as a middle school teacher, every teen has snap. All of them. They use their friends phones in school. They use web browsers. They use old phones/iPads lying around the house or they secretly download and hide it on their own phone. As soon as an account gets deleted they create a new one with a friend. I hear it all day long.

Teens no longer text. They snap. Their texts are thru snap. They send pics thru snap. They really only communicate thru snap. It isn’t to hide things, at least for most kids. It’s just that this is how they communicate. And kids this age hate feeling left out.

I have a snap account so I can understand my students and my two own teens. I don’t follow my two, but I have both their log ins and I can log in any time. I rarely do. We talk extensively about the 3 p’s. Parents, principal, and police. And how phone calls are your safest bet. Even FT can be video recorded. Anyway, I would have loved Snap as a teen and I find it entertaining now. I was surprised how many adults are on it.

Eventually you are going to have to allow it, so you might as well start learning about it on your own. Just not from what other helicopter parents mom say/fear. Learn for yourself.

This is what someone else told you on the first page.

I think the parents who are convinced their teens never lie to them are just delusional. Your kid is just good at lying. There is also a lot of lying by omission, which is a trickier thing to think about and deal with. I say this not from a point of view of we should all just give up, but it's important to have the mindset of trust but verify, think though the angles always, and understand that IT IS NORMAL when your teenager does not treat you like their bestie and tell you everything and tries to push boundaries.

Do these people think they have alien children? Humans lie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid doesn't have snapchat and they are going into 9th grade.

Same. Nor any other social media. And I’ve heard all the “but everyone has…” whining for years but I’m not budging. She will get social media around age 16 when she is old enough to have better habits around school and phone and in order for us to help guide her before she goes to college. Her phone and iPad are also set up with parental controls that require parental approval for any apps or purchases. Same for our younger kids. They could not download snap chat if they wanted to. They also know we check their phones and messages randomly.
Op, the lying and hiding things is a big issue that you need to work on now. It’s not going to be easier as your daughter gets older and naturally gains more independence.
And I also have an 11yo rising 6th grader who would probably be more likely to try to hide something like this but we’ve talked with all our kids about the issues with social media as well as the repercussions and consequences about lying so I’m not terribly concerned about her. I’m just saying I know some kids are easier than others about this type of thing, you just have to make sure to parent your kids appropriately.
Taking away screens for a month from a 12yo is probably a more annoying consequence than op wants to deal with, it’s not actually that hard for her kid.

I had a parent like this lecturing me about the evils of snapchat and meanwhile I know for a fact her kid is on snapchat and she is clueless.

Humble yourself people. I would argue you are not parenting appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense. I get that you punish them. They lied.

But as a middle school teacher, every teen has snap. All of them. They use their friends phones in school. They use web browsers. They use old phones/iPads lying around the house or they secretly download and hide it on their own phone. As soon as an account gets deleted they create a new one with a friend. I hear it all day long.

Teens no longer text. They snap. Their texts are thru snap. They send pics thru snap. They really only communicate thru snap. It isn’t to hide things, at least for most kids. It’s just that this is how they communicate. And kids this age hate feeling left out.

I have a snap account so I can understand my students and my two own teens. I don’t follow my two, but I have both their log ins and I can log in any time. I rarely do. We talk extensively about the 3 p’s. Parents, principal, and police. And how phone calls are your safest bet. Even FT can be video recorded. Anyway, I would have loved Snap as a teen and I find it entertaining now. I was surprised how many adults are on it.

Eventually you are going to have to allow it, so you might as well start learning about it on your own. Just not from what other helicopter parents mom say/fear. Learn for yourself.

This is what someone else told you on the first page.

I think the parents who are convinced their teens never lie to them are just delusional. Your kid is just good at lying. There is also a lot of lying by omission, which is a trickier thing to think about and deal with. I say this not from a point of view of we should all just give up, but it's important to have the mindset of trust but verify, think though the angles always, and understand that IT IS NORMAL when your teenager does not treat you like their bestie and tell you everything and tries to push boundaries.

Do these people think they have alien children? Humans lie!

It's clueless to human development too. Their job is to separate themselves from us. No one goes from 0 to 18 telling their mom and dad all the things and following all the directions. If they did they would be an extremely weird and F-ed up "adult".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m really at a loss, bc I want to knee jerk and take it away for a year but I know I can’t do that. It’s so connected to her friends and that is so important to her. In the past, especially when DH hands down punishment, she takes it pretty well. She knows she screwed up, she’s sorry, she cries and we move on. This feels different.

Just let her have snapchat. It is how they communicate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your kid a 6th grader or 7th grader?

My advice is not to be so inflexible that kids go behind your back. I understand social media sucks. I truly get it. But you have to be somewhat flexible, especially with Snapchat, because this is how ALL teens communicate now. Is she otherwise a good kid? “Punish” her by having her do chores. Don’t put a lot of obstacles between you and her because you’ll need open lines of communication in the years ahead. Not animosity.

They are cracking down on users younger than 13. She lied to create an account, not a great start for social media.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense. I get that you punish them. They lied.

But as a middle school teacher, every teen has snap. All of them. They use their friends phones in school. They use web browsers. They use old phones/iPads lying around the house or they secretly download and hide it on their own phone. As soon as an account gets deleted they create a new one with a friend. I hear it all day long.

Teens no longer text. They snap. Their texts are thru snap. They send pics thru snap. They really only communicate thru snap. It isn’t to hide things, at least for most kids. It’s just that this is how they communicate. And kids this age hate feeling left out.

I have a snap account so I can understand my students and my two own teens. I don’t follow my two, but I have both their log ins and I can log in any time. I rarely do. We talk extensively about the 3 p’s. Parents, principal, and police. And how phone calls are your safest bet. Even FT can be video recorded. Anyway, I would have loved Snap as a teen and I find it entertaining now. I was surprised how many adults are on it.

Eventually you are going to have to allow it, so you might as well start learning about it on your own. Just not from what other helicopter parents mom say/fear. Learn for yourself.

This is what someone else told you on the first page.

I think the parents who are convinced their teens never lie to them are just delusional. Your kid is just good at lying. There is also a lot of lying by omission, which is a trickier thing to think about and deal with. I say this not from a point of view of we should all just give up, but it's important to have the mindset of trust but verify, think though the angles always, and understand that IT IS NORMAL when your teenager does not treat you like their bestie and tell you everything and tries to push boundaries.

Do these people think they have alien children? Humans lie!

It's clueless to human development too. Their job is to separate themselves from us. No one goes from 0 to 18 telling their mom and dad all the things and following all the directions. If they did they would be an extremely weird and F-ed up "adult".

DCUM is a funny place. On this thread people are just casually admitting that kids lie and test boundaries and this is perfectly normal. Meanwhile on the MCPS thread about phones in schools people are shocked when teachers are trying to explain how kids phone use in schools is out of control and that kids are lying to their parents about their phone use. Never change DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense. I get that you punish them. They lied.

But as a middle school teacher, every teen has snap. All of them. They use their friends phones in school. They use web browsers. They use old phones/iPads lying around the house or they secretly download and hide it on their own phone. As soon as an account gets deleted they create a new one with a friend. I hear it all day long.

Teens no longer text. They snap. Their texts are thru snap. They send pics thru snap. They really only communicate thru snap. It isn’t to hide things, at least for most kids. It’s just that this is how they communicate. And kids this age hate feeling left out.

I have a snap account so I can understand my students and my two own teens. I don’t follow my two, but I have both their log ins and I can log in any time. I rarely do. We talk extensively about the 3 p’s. Parents, principal, and police. And how phone calls are your safest bet. Even FT can be video recorded. Anyway, I would have loved Snap as a teen and I find it entertaining now. I was surprised how many adults are on it.

Eventually you are going to have to allow it, so you might as well start learning about it on your own. Just not from what other helicopter parents mom say/fear. Learn for yourself.

This is what someone else told you on the first page.

I think the parents who are convinced their teens never lie to them are just delusional. Your kid is just good at lying. There is also a lot of lying by omission, which is a trickier thing to think about and deal with. I say this not from a point of view of we should all just give up, but it's important to have the mindset of trust but verify, think though the angles always, and understand that IT IS NORMAL when your teenager does not treat you like their bestie and tell you everything and tries to push boundaries.

Do these people think they have alien children? Humans lie!

It's clueless to human development too. Their job is to separate themselves from us. No one goes from 0 to 18 telling their mom and dad all the things and following all the directions. If they did they would be an extremely weird and F-ed up "adult".

DCUM is a funny place. On this thread people are just casually admitting that kids lie and test boundaries and this is perfectly normal. Meanwhile on the MCPS thread about phones in schools people are shocked when teachers are trying to explain how kids phone use in schools is out of control and that kids are lying to their parents about their phone use. Never change DCUM

Plenty of people on this thread are not at all casually admitting that kids lie and test boundaries and are probably very busy on the other thread too.

I feel for teachers. Delusional ass parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense. I get that you punish them. They lied.

But as a middle school teacher, every teen has snap. All of them. They use their friends phones in school. They use web browsers. They use old phones/iPads lying around the house or they secretly download and hide it on their own phone. As soon as an account gets deleted they create a new one with a friend. I hear it all day long.

Teens no longer text. They snap. Their texts are thru snap. They send pics thru snap. They really only communicate thru snap. It isn’t to hide things, at least for most kids. It’s just that this is how they communicate. And kids this age hate feeling left out.

I have a snap account so I can understand my students and my two own teens. I don’t follow my two, but I have both their log ins and I can log in any time. I rarely do. We talk extensively about the 3 p’s. Parents, principal, and police. And how phone calls are your safest bet. Even FT can be video recorded. Anyway, I would have loved Snap as a teen and I find it entertaining now. I was surprised how many adults are on it.

Eventually you are going to have to allow it, so you might as well start learning about it on your own. Just not from what other helicopter parents mom say/fear. Learn for yourself.

This is what someone else told you on the first page.

I think the parents who are convinced their teens never lie to them are just delusional. Your kid is just good at lying. There is also a lot of lying by omission, which is a trickier thing to think about and deal with. I say this not from a point of view of we should all just give up, but it's important to have the mindset of trust but verify, think though the angles always, and understand that IT IS NORMAL when your teenager does not treat you like their bestie and tell you everything and tries to push boundaries.

Do these people think they have alien children? Humans lie!

It's clueless to human development too. Their job is to separate themselves from us. No one goes from 0 to 18 telling their mom and dad all the things and following all the directions. If they did they would be an extremely weird and F-ed up "adult".

And it’s normal for parents to impose consequences for lying. At least it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, and I REALLY appreciate the teacher perspective, so thank you. I have been hesitant to do this, mostly because I don’t use most of this crap and I don’t want it mucking up my phone but I know that’s a stupid reason and I need to get with this program to better understand and guide my kid. So, I will.

You really only listen to the posters who tell you that you don’t have to enforce any consequences or discipline. I sure hope your husband is the primary parent since he seems to have a spine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't put her in a position to lie to you. Don't ask her questions that you know the answer to (Don't ask her if she has snapchat when she isn't supposed to and don't ask her why). Don't ask her questions you don't know the answer to.

You know that she has broken the rules and you know why, because it's enticing. Monitor the screen time more diligently and put devices away when screen time is finished.

Or throw the ipad out the window - I want to do that a lot of times. Why did we get it in the first place? Ugh.

This. I had a terrible relationship with my mom because of things like this. I want my kids to trust and talk to me much more than I want my kids to stay off snap chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense. I get that you punish them. They lied.

But as a middle school teacher, every teen has snap. All of them. They use their friends phones in school. They use web browsers. They use old phones/iPads lying around the house or they secretly download and hide it on their own phone. As soon as an account gets deleted they create a new one with a friend. I hear it all day long.

Teens no longer text. They snap. Their texts are thru snap. They send pics thru snap. They really only communicate thru snap. It isn’t to hide things, at least for most kids. It’s just that this is how they communicate. And kids this age hate feeling left out.

I have a snap account so I can understand my students and my two own teens. I don’t follow my two, but I have both their log ins and I can log in any time. I rarely do. We talk extensively about the 3 p’s. Parents, principal, and police. And how phone calls are your safest bet. Even FT can be video recorded. Anyway, I would have loved Snap as a teen and I find it entertaining now. I was surprised how many adults are on it.

Eventually you are going to have to allow it, so you might as well start learning about it on your own. Just not from what other helicopter parents mom say/fear. Learn for yourself.

This is what someone else told you on the first page.

I think the parents who are convinced their teens never lie to them are just delusional. Your kid is just good at lying. There is also a lot of lying by omission, which is a trickier thing to think about and deal with. I say this not from a point of view of we should all just give up, but it's important to have the mindset of trust but verify, think though the angles always, and understand that IT IS NORMAL when your teenager does not treat you like their bestie and tell you everything and tries to push boundaries.

Do these people think they have alien children? Humans lie!

It's clueless to human development too. Their job is to separate themselves from us. No one goes from 0 to 18 telling their mom and dad all the things and following all the directions. If they did they would be an extremely weird and F-ed up "adult".

And it’s normal for parents to impose consequences for lying. At least it used to be.

Of course it is. Did someone suggest otherwise?

The point is they are doing a whole bunch of shit you don't know about and they're also neglecting to tell you a lot of things that are going on when they know you wouldn't be okay with it but you never ask the question. But don't be confused. They will lie straight to your face too.

When you catch them straight up lying definitely do something about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No offense. I get that you punish them. They lied.

But as a middle school teacher, every teen has snap. All of them. They use their friends phones in school. They use web browsers. They use old phones/iPads lying around the house or they secretly download and hide it on their own phone. As soon as an account gets deleted they create a new one with a friend. I hear it all day long.

Teens no longer text. They snap. Their texts are thru snap. They send pics thru snap. They really only communicate thru snap. It isn’t to hide things, at least for most kids. It’s just that this is how they communicate. And kids this age hate feeling left out.

I have a snap account so I can understand my students and my two own teens. I don’t follow my two, but I have both their log ins and I can log in any time. I rarely do. We talk extensively about the 3 p’s. Parents, principal, and police. And how phone calls are your safest bet. Even FT can be video recorded. Anyway, I would have loved Snap as a teen and I find it entertaining now. I was surprised how many adults are on it.

Eventually you are going to have to allow it, so you might as well start learning about it on your own. Just not from what other helicopter parents mom say/fear. Learn for yourself.

This is what someone else told you on the first page.

I think the parents who are convinced their teens never lie to them are just delusional. Your kid is just good at lying. There is also a lot of lying by omission, which is a trickier thing to think about and deal with. I say this not from a point of view of we should all just give up, but it's important to have the mindset of trust but verify, think though the angles always, and understand that IT IS NORMAL when your teenager does not treat you like their bestie and tell you everything and tries to push boundaries.

Do these people think they have alien children? Humans lie!

It's clueless to human development too. Their job is to separate themselves from us. No one goes from 0 to 18 telling their mom and dad all the things and following all the directions. If they did they would be an extremely weird and F-ed up "adult".

And it’s normal for parents to impose consequences for lying. At least it used to be.

Of course it is. Did someone suggest otherwise?

The point is they are doing a whole bunch of shit you don't know about and they're also neglecting to tell you a lot of things that are going on when they know you wouldn't be okay with it but you never ask the question. But don't be confused. They will lie straight to your face too.

When you catch them straight up lying definitely do something about it.

A person cannot parent effectively if they don't grasp this on some level, which some parents don't seem to be able to do I think because of their own ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid doesn't have snapchat and they are going into 9th grade.

Same. He seems able to communicate with his friends and team just fine.