would you rather bring kids up in NYC or the NY burbs?

[Anonymous]

I think you need to ask yourself if it’s working for your family, since you currently live in the city. Don’t fall in love so much with the idea. It was always my dream to raise kids in the city after attending college and living there until my 30’s. We ended up in a smaller city in the South and everything just worked perfectly. We have the most amazing community and friends and love where we live. Even though it isn’t my original vision and I love the idea of raising my kids in NYC, we know we would be stupid to leave such a good thing for the unknown. If you’re questioning your current situation, maybe it’s not living up to your idea of what it would be like. $800k let’s you live anywhere comfortably so that shouldn’t be the driving factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about the provincialism I see in wealthy kids who grow up in NYC. Kids in suburbs around the country, especially ones focused on education, adopt the idea early on that they’ll eventually leave for education, work, whatever. They may love their hometowns, but they don’t believe their hometown is the center of the world. As a result, they are mentally open to the idea of spreading their wings as young adults.

But wealthy NYC kids grow up absorbing the message that where they live is the best place in the world. And they are so weirdly provincial about it. I’ve met native New Yorkers who won’t go to Milan or Shanghai, for Pete’s sake. There is a proud myopia that exists that’s puzzling, and it would worry me. No amount of city activity can make up for a refusal to engage with the rest of the world.

+1
I’ve seen this too. There’s also so many people who would be much happier elsewhere but their identity is dependent on staying there. Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t like any of the kids from nyc I went to college (top SLAC) with. Literally none of them were friendly. They were a mix of wealthy private school kids, Stuyvesant kids, and prep for prep kids. Literally none of them were nice except for one kid. They were all very too cool for school. Not friendly. Frequently had dead pan looks on their faces.

I went to a private university in NYC and the kids I knew who grew up middle class in NYC were great but agree the rich kids were what you described.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t like any of the kids from nyc I went to college (top SLAC) with. Literally none of them were friendly. They were a mix of wealthy private school kids, Stuyvesant kids, and prep for prep kids. Literally none of them were nice except for one kid. They were all very too cool for school. Not friendly. Frequently had dead pan looks on their faces.

I went to a private university in NYC and the kids I knew who grew up middle class in NYC were great but agree the rich kids were what you described.

I think the truth is that it can be weirdly difficult to grow up with real wealth, especially if your parents got rich by being kooky or were the children of crazy, driven people.

[Anonymous]

Probably burbs. Although my DH and I would prefer living in the city, if it was just us,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay in the city at that hhi

...with private security escorts.

[Anonymous]

Having lived and worked in NYC as an adult, I spent a lot of time with native New Yorkers and their children.

Honestly, they can be extremely insular people, don't hang out socially with others not like them, not friendly, very clannish. I also attended a top college and the New Yorkers were snobbish and rude. They didn't try to carry a conversation and acted like they were superior to everyone.

I felt growing up in a suburb a few hours away, I was exposed to more types of people on a daily basis - whether it was church, volunteering, etc.

[Anonymous]

I went to U Mich. I loved my NYC friends. I thought the suburban kids (NYC suburbs, Detroit suburbs) were more messed up. Drank too much, hooked up too much. The NYC kids seemed more sophisticated and wordly to me -- and in a good way. The suburban kids thought they were sophisticated like the city kids but they just weren't.

[Anonymous]

Awww. Brings back memories. I was born in Riverdale, in the Bronx, and my father worked his way up to probably your income or more.

We moved to Larchmont, joined the yacht club, and had a wonderful life. We loved our home and the big yard, and we had lots of gatherings and good memories. I'm not as sure about schools there now, though I think the elementary schools are solid. People still work in the city, are still pretty shrewd and sophisticated, but not crazy NY.

When I say Crazy NY, I am referring to an NYU party I just attended in NYC. The kids were AWFUL. Not a normal kid there, every single kid a trust fund brat from Manhattan. And not one of them was well adjusted.

I would totally move to a burb. Larchmont, Rye, Greenwich, Darien. Great places to raise kids. Don't raise your kids in Manhattan unless you want to raise weirdos like the kids I met at this party. Not ONE was well adjusted. It was shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised in Westchester and later commuted into NYC from CT. Had a wonderful quality of life. I liked having access to a major metropolis without living in the thick of its problems (homeless/mentally ill people wandering around, ridiculous real estate prices, no parking, crazy private school culture).

Kids who grow up in the city grow up too fast. They are worldly but jaded. Do you really want to have to explain addiction to your first grader? Teaching them to clutch their bags when walking down the street. It is a bit of a survival mindset (unless you are very wealthy and then create a bubble that is not normal).

Don’t you want backyard BBQ’s? Jumping in piles of leaves? Making snowmen in your yard? Little kids safely walking their new puppy around the block? Learning how to ride a bike.

Alternatives exist but I really appreciate growing up the way I did.

You can have all this if you rent or own a second home outside the city, which is what we did. And my kids jump in leaves and build snowmen and more in the park in NYC. The bonus is I don’t have to landscape and maintain that park

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With that HHI I would choose Brooklyn or Manhattan.

With less than 400k I would choose the burbs.

I grew up in NY, and most of my family still lives there. I completely disagree. $800k is not enough to live well in Manhattan with multiple kids. And I would NEVER EVER raise kids in Brooklyn. Crazy. There is NO upside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about the provincialism I see in wealthy kids who grow up in NYC. Kids in suburbs around the country, especially ones focused on education, adopt the idea early on that they’ll eventually leave for education, work, whatever. They may love their hometowns, but they don’t believe their hometown is the center of the world. As a result, they are mentally open to the idea of spreading their wings as young adults.

But wealthy NYC kids grow up absorbing the message that where they live is the best place in the world. And they are so weirdly provincial about it. I’ve met native New Yorkers who won’t go to Milan or Shanghai, for Pete’s sake. There is a proud myopia that exists that’s puzzling, and it would worry me. No amount of city activity can make up for a refusal to engage with the rest of the world.

I live in NYC and travel is my passion. I’d say most New Yorkers at OP’s income bracket travel a substantial amount. But yes, I pretty much think NYC is the best city in the world to love in if you are worldly and while I liked visiting Milan (twice in 5 years) and Shangha (and 45 other countries and many more cities I’ve been to), I wouldn’t want to live there permanently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With that HHI I would choose Brooklyn or Manhattan.

With less than 400k I would choose the burbs.

I grew up in NY, and most of my family still lives there. I completely disagree. $800k is not enough to live well in Manhattan with multiple kids. And I would NEVER EVER raise kids in Brooklyn. Crazy. There is NO upside.

I live in NYC, slightly higher HHI than OP’s, 2 kids, and I agree with you. I can’t say that we live super well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to U Mich. I loved my NYC friends. I thought the suburban kids (NYC suburbs, Detroit suburbs) were more messed up. Drank too much, hooked up too much. The NYC kids seemed more sophisticated and wordly to me -- and in a good way. The suburban kids thought they were sophisticated like the city kids but they just weren't.

+1. For better or worse, NYC kids mature faster.

[Anonymous]

The problem with the NYC kids is that almost all of the kids will be from dual income family where both parents are high achieving and career focused. The kids are accessories and their parents focus on work way more than the kids. They are raised by nannies. Most of my NYC friends actually have 2 nannies. There’s nothing wrong with working hard and being successful, but it seems to be done in a more extreme manner in NYC. The kids end up weird because of it. Also a lot of kids with a weird attitude or outlook because of their parents wealth and career success.