would you rather bring kids up in NYC or the NY burbs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the appeal of staying the city? Your commute and your own convenience?

Shouldn’t your kids be the priority?

What do you think is best for them?

The city and all the opportunities it provides. Plus having saner parents - shorter commute and other conveniences indirectly benefit kids too.

[Anonymous]

I would worry about the provincialism I see in wealthy kids who grow up in NYC. Kids in suburbs around the country, especially ones focused on education, adopt the idea early on that they’ll eventually leave for education, work, whatever. They may love their hometowns, but they don’t believe their hometown is the center of the world. As a result, they are mentally open to the idea of spreading their wings as young adults.

But wealthy NYC kids grow up absorbing the message that where they live is the best place in the world. And they are so weirdly provincial about it. I’ve met native New Yorkers who won’t go to Milan or Shanghai, for Pete’s sake. There is a proud myopia that exists that’s puzzling, and it would worry me. No amount of city activity can make up for a refusal to engage with the rest of the world.

[Anonymous]

I need greenery and the concrete jungle is not for me. I do love cities too, just not the concrete jungle
I don’t know if this is a thing, but was told by a former Manhattanite years ago that her kids had asthma, then when they had to relocate for her husband’s work they got better. During the winter time it is really gray, snow turns into ugly gray slush very soon
There is no beauty anywhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume HHI around $800k. Which would you choose between Manhattan, BK, Northern burbs?

This is unclear. Do you mean raising kids in either upstate or NYC or going on a vacation with kids in one of these places?

Op - raise kids.
We are already in nyc and need to upsize home. I could give a thousand more pieces of context but I would rather hear general thoughts! But I will say the kids already exist and are in elementary in city (private)

Are you at a TT private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Assume HHI around $800k. Which would you choose between Manhattan, BK, Northern burbs?

NEVER NEVER NEVER NYC. It is a rat race, kids are literally messed up there, drugs, depression, anxiety, you name it.

my sister has raised 3 kids there and each one has had their share of "issues" as has all their friends and their friends kid.REALLY messed up and seems the richer you are the more this is the case.

Its sad. She finally got wise and moved the entire family to CT and they are all doing much much better now. NOT A PLACE TO RAISE A FAMILY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume HHI around $800k. Which would you choose between Manhattan, BK, Northern burbs?

NEVER NEVER NEVER NYC. It is a rat race, kids are literally messed up there, drugs, depression, anxiety, you name it.

my sister has raised 3 kids there and each one has had their share of "issues" as has all their friends and their friends kid.REALLY messed up and seems the richer you are the more this is the case.

Its sad. She finally got wise and moved the entire family to CT and they are all doing much much better now. NOT A PLACE TO RAISE A FAMILY.

It's primarily parents who have $$$ to spend and moms who have time to waste - that combo is irresistible for some enterprising doctors. A good friend of mine is a practicing psychologist in NYC, there are many stories of ethically questionable diagnoses and "therapies". My friend says that some practices won't accept a patient unless there is a commitment of several sessions a week including a family session and a session for a parent. That's not because the situation is dire, it's because they know that these families will pay whatever asked.

I've raised 2 kids in NYC (Brooklyn), plus one is still at home. My kids' and my kids friends' experience is drastically different from what the PP is describing, but then we are middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Assume HHI around $800k. Which would you choose between Manhattan, BK, Northern burbs?

NEVER NEVER NEVER NYC. It is a rat race, kids are literally messed up there, drugs, depression, anxiety, you name it.

my sister has raised 3 kids there and each one has had their share of "issues" as has all their friends and their friends kid.REALLY messed up and seems the richer you are the more this is the case.

Its sad. She finally got wise and moved the entire family to CT and they are all doing much much better now. NOT A PLACE TO RAISE A FAMILY.

Lmao. This is just insane. NYC is an amazing place to raise a family (if you can afford it). This just in: kids in the suburbs have (a lot of) "issues" too - from anxiety to depression, addiction, you name it.

[Anonymous]

I didn’t like any of the kids from nyc I went to college (top SLAC) with. Literally none of them were friendly. They were a mix of wealthy private school kids, Stuyvesant kids, and prep for prep kids. Literally none of them were nice except for one kid. They were all very too cool for school. Not friendly. Frequently had dead pan looks on their faces.

[Anonymous]

Kids are different that are raised in NYC and not for the better. They may have a more liberal view on the world but they grow up entirely too fast and multiply that times 10 if parents have real money. Then its over the top obscene obnoxiousness and entitlement. Rich kids in NYC are the worst kind. Had plenty of experience dealing with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need greenery and the concrete jungle is not for me. I do love cities too, just not the concrete jungle
I don’t know if this is a thing, but was told by a former Manhattanite years ago that her kids had asthma, then when they had to relocate for her husband’s work they got better. During the winter time it is really gray, snow turns into ugly gray slush very soon
There is no beauty anywhere

Parts of New York City are gray, but parts look like the wilderness.

The air is bad right now, but that’s because of the trees in Canada, not because the air is generally that bad.

And I agree that the ritzy New York schools are bad for kids, but I think being in or close to the city is good for kids who are a little quirky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t like any of the kids from nyc I went to college (top SLAC) with. Literally none of them were friendly. They were a mix of wealthy private school kids, Stuyvesant kids, and prep for prep kids. Literally none of them were nice except for one kid. They were all very too cool for school. Not friendly. Frequently had dead pan looks on their faces.

They are cut throat and sizing you up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d probably try to get into Larchmont if I could. Preferably walkable to the town center. I would not want the hassle of navigating the NYC private school rate race and the schools in Larchmont are pretty good. Plus the town center is cute.

Don’t do it. I grew up there and I don’t recommend. Definitely Brooklyn or Manhattan with that income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t like any of the kids from nyc I went to college (top SLAC) with. Literally none of them were friendly. They were a mix of wealthy private school kids, Stuyvesant kids, and prep for prep kids. Literally none of them were nice except for one kid. They were all very too cool for school. Not friendly. Frequently had dead pan looks on their faces.

Yep. The NYC aesthetic.

[Anonymous]

NO to NYC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would worry about the provincialism I see in wealthy kids who grow up in NYC. Kids in suburbs around the country, especially ones focused on education, adopt the idea early on that they’ll eventually leave for education, work, whatever. They may love their hometowns, but they don’t believe their hometown is the center of the world. As a result, they are mentally open to the idea of spreading their wings as young adults.

But wealthy NYC kids grow up absorbing the message that where they live is the best place in the world. And they are so weirdly provincial about it. I’ve met native New Yorkers who won’t go to Milan or Shanghai, for Pete’s sake. There is a proud myopia that exists that’s puzzling, and it would worry me. No amount of city activity can make up for a refusal to engage with the rest of the world.

This. It’s like the only other place these kids can function is London and sometimes LA.

Their parents work all the time and they haven’t visited many places in the US. They have visited the Hamptons, maybe went to summer camp in New England and somewhere in Florida. That’s it. They do not understand basic concepts and can’t believe that a place like Dallas, TX has good sushi restaurants and the same clothing stores. They will say things like “Dallas is only chains” without realizing that Pret, Blue Bottle, Sweetgreen, Dish etc are also all chains.

A lot of kids growing up in Manhattan also struggle since their parents are often successful and they can’t ever achieve what their parents did.

My vote is NY suburbs. Give your kids a more normal childhood and spend time enjoying the city now and then. Your kids will be more open minded and more worldly.